Alcohol and Drug Abuse in Mental Health

Alcohol and Drug Abuse in Mental Health

Derek Talking about Alcohol and Drug Abuse in Mental health

Alcohol abuse is overrated, while drug abuse is underrated. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, (DSM manual) suggests that substance abuse there are differences in the definition of drug and alcohol use.

To confuse matters worse the law has its own version of who is an alcoholic or drug addict. Some of the symptoms that help professionals determine if alcohol and drugs are a problem include, excessive drinking/drugging, problems with the law, withdrawal symptoms, shaking of the hands, and so forth.

If a person drinks everyday of the week and relies on alcohol, then you are probably dealing with an alcoholic. There are philosophers who claim if a person needs a drink at breakfast, that he or she is an alcohol.

Some philosophers claim that if you drink more than six-pack in a week, then you are an alcoholic. The fact is, most of the people nagging or evaluating alcohol and drugs have a problem themselves’ s or has gotten help off someone in their lifetime to treat their own problems.

Therefore, as you can see addictions, dependant alcoholics, and other types of alcoholics and drug addicts may alter. First all, any chemical that causes harm is a potential danger to your being.

In other words, if you start out drinking when you are fourteen and continue through your lifetime without alcohol causing you trouble, or else landing you a spot in jail, then you are probably not an alcoholic according to few.

The fact is the ones that are drinking and driving and getting caught are alcoholics according to the system although the level of alcohol in the blood plays a role in the determination. The truth is the law sometimes over dramatizes and the system is out to make all the money they can, so we all might be alcoholics by the time they are done with us.

Alcoholism and drug addictions are complex, in the sense there are too many misconstrued inputs and often the label is placed on individuals according to culture and history. If your parents drank alcohol, then the system sometimes will claim you as an alcoholic. The fact is, Jesus’ drink wine in moderation, so drinking in moderation is not a bad thing. The problem becomes a problem when the person has difficulty putting down the bottle and/or increases their intake as well as combining drugs with the alcohol to get an affect they were had.

If someone will steal or lie to get alcohol or drugs, then you know they have a real problem. However, most alcoholics and drug addicts have bigger problems than addictions and this is often ignored.

For example, people with mental illnesses often resort to alcohol and/or drugs to find relief of their symptoms. Now if a professional is treating this person for his or her diagnose and progress is moving along the person often feels healthy and the alcohol and drugs are out the door.

In my studies and opinions, I disagree with alcoholism and drug addictions if the person can stop once the mental illness is treated. This means that the person was suffering, and the substances was a mechanism to help them cope.

On the other hand, if the person is treated for mental illnesses and his or her drug and alcohol habits continue, then I think you had better get out the chair and start talking ‘one day at a time.’ Alcohol was once known as the “Devils Drink.” The White men are the originator of the source, and since its beginning it has caused serious complications, including death, abuse, and other related crimes.

Drugs are optional since the system often makes them available by teaching individuals what the drugs contain. The root of all-evil is money, and if a person sees that he or she can gain, they may take advantage, but fall into a snare in between. The system is overwrought since they put alcoholics and drugs addicts in jail and not seeking help for them.

The solution to humankind’s problem is helping and not hurting or promoting. If we can’t get along now, what makes you think you are going to heaven?

What do you think?

If you are struggling with addictions or additive behaviours, please get help.

I can help you or sign post you.

Derek Holds Diplomas in Life Coaching, Mindfulness based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) advanced, Past life & this life regression, Hypnotherapy, also hold certificates in Reiki spiritual healing, Advanced counselling. Is fully insured and follows national operational and ethical guidelines with in the laws of the UK.

Derek is often asked to do Motivational & Spiritual Workshops, Psychic shows and events with music from the past present & future.

His motto is ” Enlightening others to succeed through life’s challenges “

Psychic and the mind

Psychic and the mind

The Psychic Minds in Mental Health


The Psychic Minds in Mental Health

What is the psychic mind and how does it take part in mental health?

Psychogenic lies outside of scientific insight and is often linked to religious ritualistic and supernatural forces, which are often marked by influences, perception, sensory, morals, immaterial, and so forth. It has been witnessed by few that trauma patients often have a higher level of perception and sensory tools and have been known to have sixth senses and shared pains. This is a new subject that will be addressed later, but I wanted to separate the two. The two are separate from the psychic mind and often linked to the sources.

The many psychic minds around the world believe they can communicate with the dead and predict an unforeseen episode. Is it possible that a person can go into another world and speak with those of the past?

We will see! Having being a Psychic medium I do believe we can, or am I just delusional?

The many people in the world that has helped police officers find murders, help families get in contact with the other world, and have endured attacks on their own lives may not have a psychic intellect, rather they may have an underlying mental illness that creates an delusional outlook or they may have an actual gift who really knows? 

We can look at magic practice, which is a series of acts that include illusion and delusion. What happens is the person is led to believe that an act is real when in fact it is not or as we are taught to believe this, we feel that is the case? We cant open our minds to ask if its true. yet even when I give validations some still believe its not true, maybe I am dilutional or just have a spilt personality?

Another example can be seen in the so-called healers. These people lead others to believe that they can make another individual walk if he or she is in a wheel chair. I learnt information on this subject including that in one case the person had a van parked out in the lot and microphones connected to another individual that acted out the part, and the person in the wheel chair was never paralyzed in the first place. State of illusion-delusion and unfortunately this happens often in our system. But I  have seen amazing healing done, with holistic healers and being a Reiki master I know it can help.

How is this linked to mental illness? Well we can see that the person is an impulsive-compulsive liar that gets rich off misleading others. We call them charlatans and they give the good and genuine healers/Psychics a bad name. We are alert to the fact that when a person illustrates a damning behaviour it often leads to problems that are more dangerous. I have seen so called healers and psychics with no authoring bodies or insurance or even training do damage to others. Very often its myself that has to heal them using my other skills like counselling, life coaching and hypnotherapy.

Now we come back to the psychic mind where these people are misled into believing they have contact with other worlds and can predict or foreseen outdated. Most likely, the person had some connection in the first place, whether the information was in a book read and forgotten or what-have you and yes this can happen. But if you have been trained and are of sound mind, demonstrated your skills in public or private, you have to ask is there something to this? or is it just some delusional mind?

We know from sources that anyone practices magic, employing divination, mediums, sorcerers foretellers and so forth were all recording throughout the history and we are aware that these people are considered evil. So called witches and healers were wrongly burnt, hung and killed

However is Evil the source of the problem? while the individual may be thoroughly deceived and probably suffering underlying causes that make them believe as well as make others believe they have a natural ability to talk to the dead or they may have found out that we can all do this and open up to the possibility of it being true?

The fact is mind over matter is powerful and can become deadly if a person is twisted in their beliefs and thinking process. The mind alone is powerful and can play tricks with the mind that many will struggle to understand. However if we practice vigilant, and work toward enhancing our skills to hear and listen, as well as reading between the lines, we are working toward a healthy mind that very few will have the opportunity to deceive. This article in no way intended to hurt other person’s feelings, rather it is geared to help the audience learn mental health issues, the mind, and why things happen.

It is also geared to help the audience see how jealousy, envy, lies, hate, and other elements play a large role in mental health and mental illnesses.

Many people in the world suffer mental illnesses and often are not aware of this fact until the behaviour that initiated the illness grew into a series of behaviours and thinking processes that escalate to madness.

But the What if? question is how many people have be wrongly diagnosed delusional, when in fact they had gifts and skills that can help us all. The world has many problems and until we all face up to reality and truth we are never going to find the answers to the many problems that often sit in front of our faces.

In todays world with so many untruths and lies spread by social media, we have to ask ourselves what is fact and what is fictional?

I am my own biggest sceptic and I ask all the time, if what I get or think is true and very often it is, but only when I have a quiet mind and peace, I really get the answers, yes I could be delusional or a devil or maybe I just believe in Angel’s and god?

Point to all this is be open minded don’t just judge others on what you don’t know or understand make an effort to understand and maybe you will find the answers!!

If you like to book an appointment click the button below:-

Schedule Appointment

Overcoming Loneliness.

Overcoming Loneliness.

Overcoming Loneliness.

 

Being alone doesn’t need to be a negative, you! yes you! can turn it into a positive!

Yes we all at times like to have that space and be alone, but when its forced on us we often fear it, we have gotten used to being with a certain person or family members, but life can change that, very quickly, kids grow up, people leave us unexpectedly, we loose that job and so on.
don’t panic you can deal with being alone and you can change the situation to being positive, it can take time its up to you!

Lets look at the different types of being alone,

Being alone is not the same as being lonely. There is nothing wrong with being on your own if you are comfortable with it.

People usually describe feeling lonely for one of two reasons, they simply don’t see or talk to anyone very often, even though they are surrounded by people, they don’t feel understood or cared for.

Deciding which is the case for you may help you to find a way of feeling better.

I always turn being lonely into a positive and use that time to plan and also process what has happen to make me feel lonely, we can all get depressed and down when alone and it can sometimes turn into a metal health issue, so stop and think about what you can do now to feel better.
If your in a relationship or job where you feel alone then take action!
Join a trade union, speak to personnel, marriage guidance, go online look for groups to join,
Communicate how you feel, be assertive, very often we don’t like saying no.
I say if I don’t want to do something because I feel that I need a bit of space is just say “sorry that doesn’t work for me today”
There are many situations where we can struggle with being alone and feel afraid, very often we find that we aren’t alone in being alone.
Let’s face it life can give us some really difficult challenges often when we don’t expect it, we can feel alone, sad and frustrated. Then all of a sudden we get that energy inside to get us though that difficult time, but that energy inside us, is always there and is abundant, it’s called love and light. Connect to yours today, feel that love and let it drive you through the challenges of life. Just say “I am made from love and light, I do have enough energy to overcome my challenges”

Using Open questions helps you connect to others.

When we take that step and join a club or go somewhere to meet new people we have to learn to communicate, engage in open communication by asking open questions. try and avoid using closed questions as this stops the flow and we may loose interest and go back to our quiet selves and hide. We then go back to feeling lonely and we don’t move forward.
 

Closed questions

Definition

There are two definitions that are used to describe closed questions. A common definition is:

A closed question can be answered with either a single word or a short phrase.

Thus ‘How old are you?’ and ‘Where do you live?’ are closed questions. A more limiting definition that is sometimes used is:

A closed question can be answered with either ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

By this definition ‘Are you happy?’ and ‘Is that a knife I see before me?’ are closed questions, whilst ‘What time is it?’ and ‘How old are you?’ are not. This causes a problem of how to classify the short-answer non-yes-or-no questions, which do not fit well with the definition for open questions. A way of handling this is to define ‘yes-no’ as a sub-class of the short-answer closed question.
Using closed questions

Closed questions have the following characteristics:
They give you facts.
They are easy to answer.
They are quick to answer.
They keep control of the conversation with the questioner.

This makes closed questions useful in the following situations:

Usage Example
As opening questions in a conversation, as it makes it easy for the other person to answer, and doesn’t force them to reveal too much about themselves.
It’s great weather, isn’t it?

Where do you live?
What time is it?
For testing their understanding (asking yes/no questions). This is also a great way to break into a long ramble.
So, you want to move into our apartment, with your own bedroom and bathroom — true?  
For setting up a desired positive or negative frame of mind in them (asking successive questions with obvious answers either yes or no ).
Are you happy with your current supplier?

Do they give you all that you need?
Would you like to find a better supplier?
For achieving closure of a persuasion (seeking yes to the big question). If I can deliver this tomorrow, will you sign for it now?

Note how you can turn any opinion into a closed question that forces a yes or no by adding tag questions, such as “isn’t it?”, “don’t you?” or “can’t they?”, to any statement.

The first word of a question sets up the dynamic of the closed question and signals the easy answer ahead. Note how these are words like: do, would, are, will, if.

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

Open questions

Definition

An open question can be defined thus:

An open question is likely to receive a long answer.

Although any question can receive a long answer, open questions deliberately seek longer answers, and are the opposite of closed questions.
Using open questions

Open questions have the following characteristics:
They ask the respondent to think and reflect.
They will give you opinions and feelings.
They hand control of the conversation to the respondent.

This makes open questions useful in the following situations:

Usage Example
As a follow-on from closed questions, to develop a conversation and open up someone who is rather quiet.
What did you do on you holidays? 

How do you keep focused on your work?
To find out more about a person, their wants, needs, problems, and so on. What’s keeping you awake these days?

Why is that so important to you?
To get people to realise the extend of their problems (to which, of course, you have the solution). I wonder what would happen if your customers complained even more?

Rob Jones used to go out late. What happened to him? 
To get them to feel good about you by asking after their health or otherwise demonstrating human concern about them. How have you been after your operation?

You’re looking down. What’s up?

 

Open questions begin with such as: what, why, how, describe.
Using open questions can be scary, as they seem to hand the baton of control over to the other person. However, well-placed questions do leave you in control as you steer their interest and engage them where you want them.
When opening conversations, a good balance is around three closed questions to one open question. The closed questions start the conversation and summarise progress, whilst the open question gets the other person thinking and continuing to give you useful information about them.
A neat trick is to get them to ask you open questions. This then gives you the floor to talk about what you want. The way to achieve this is to intrigue them with an incomplete story or benefit.

Being lonely at night time.

A lot of my clients have problems at night time and find it hard to sleep as they worry about being alone, especially after the loss of a loved one, or the break up of a relationship. It takes time to adjust and often counselling can help, being more relaxed, Reading positive books, watching funny programs, write down ideas, I used to go for a drive and get out of the house, avoid caffeine etc. get advice on that, see your doctor, nurse etc
Its trial and error what works for others may not work for you.
All you folk who have a troubled mind tonight just relax and let the Angels take over for a while. just feel yourself happy or what it’s like to be happy remember a time you felt happy, and feel it now and how good it is to be happy, this Happy medium is now happy your happy, and if your not happy reading my happy post by now, then you will be happy as all this is trying to do is let you feel how happy I am you have read my happy post. If you can’t get happy then just say sod this unhappy feeling I have and by now the universe is working on making you happy lol
 Night all for Christ sake be happy !!!!
 Happy dreams!

How mediation can help you over come loneliness.

Meditation, means being ‘pleasantly anchored in the present moment’. With the hectic lifestyle people live in today, stress is a strong contributor to heart disease and high blood pressure. This is why it is important to learn to relax and relax our body. And this can be achieved through meditation. Meditation is easy for us to incorporate into our lives.

Meditation is becoming more and more popular every day and there is a reason behind this. Scientists study it; doctors recommend it and millions of people all over the world practice it every day. Why? Because meditation works. Meditation is not just a matter of belief or disbelief. Meditation can improve our achievements and it can help us,we can develop hidden talents and capabilities that we had forgotten we possess. Achieve more with less effort – that is the essence of Meditation.

Meditations can completely relax our body and mind and it can also make our brain more alert and make our heart relax. It refreshes us completely and gets us ready for another batch of work. It also helps us block out any distractions that may come across our way.

You don’t have to sit with knees crossed or anything funny, we all meditate at certain times of the day, like when were doing the Ironing, cooking, reading etc

So use that time when you feel lonely to meditate or try mindfulness, often this gives as an incite to ourselves and you may even enjoy it, this doesn’t have to be done alone, there are groups and very often classes where you can be given guided meditations to start with.

There are lots of books on it and lots of CDs best to find you own way to meditate and just relax.

If you have
a dream
Don’t wait
for some distant day to come,
it may be too
late before you’ve even begun.
Not everyone
will agree with all you decide.
Be true to
yourself first and foremost.
The only
important thing in life is what you do
with the time
you spend here on Earth.
Don’t be
afraid to follow your desires,
they are not
silly nor selfish.
Take the time
and do what makes you feel alive.
Leave your
fears and regrets in the past,
for this is
where they belong.
Don’t cloud
today with things that can’t be undone.
You have no
more control over yesterday or tomorrow,
than you do
the raging of your passions.
Do not quiet
these dreams nor quench your desires.
For if you
do, your journey is ended.
You have only
today to begin anew and follow your dreams.
For in the
end all we have are our memories.
When the
twilight comes to us, let there be,
No excuses,
no explanations, no regrets!
unknown
 
 
Remember to laugh and what made you laugh, remember what worked in the past, when you were lonely before, avoid the comfort zones i.e. eating and drinking to much just to cheer yourself up, if that is what you enjoy, ask people round, go see others, join a befriend group, often helping others you can help yourself. do that course you have always wanted to do, use that lonely time in a constructive way.
I really don’t want to see you or help you get rid of an additive behaviour like Gambling and drinking as you aren’t facing up to things, when we do that, have a list of things you can do when you feel lonely, hand write it as it helps to log it in to your subconscious mind. Stay focused on your well being and never be afraid to ask for help!
OK things happen out with your control, and we say why me? You have the ability to overcome the challenges, just laugh let go of all the stress, take a deep breath and feel that laughter come back and feel that energy inside saying, sod this! Time to accept and move forward.
 

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

some useful web sites

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/#

www.wavelength.org.uk/

http://www.royalvoluntaryservice.org.uk/
www.webofloneliness.com

Dealing with Rejection

Dealing with Rejection

 
Dealing with rejection can be painful, whether it happens at work, at home, at school or in relationships.


Never allow others negative behaviours to put you off, your goals and dreams, just send them healing in the future as you will achieve great deeds by being positive, determined and loving person you are.


Rejection comes in many forms and it can be tempting to wallow in self-pity and despair when we have been rejected. Fortunately, there are things we can do that can help us handle rejection with dignity and purpose. Everyone experiences rejection – it is what we do in response that determines how we feel about ourselves. Rejection is scary, because it reminds us that we cannot control people and circumstances. Here are a few ideas of things we can do to overcome the rejection blues.

Be Aware of Your Emotions
Rejection is a form of loss, creating the sense of losing something we thought we had. Being rejected can feel like an outright violation of our expectations, which is why many of us feel offended when we are rejected. When the rejection is very painful or unexpected, it can be scary, making us feel as though the world we live in is unsafe and malevolent. When things do not go the way we expect, we often feel devastated and powerless, especially if we are very attached to a particular outcome.
We can acknowledge our loss, reminding ourselves that our feelings are never unacceptable or wrong, but they are also not entirely true. No matter how extreme or violent our feelings might seem, though, it is important to give ourselves the opportunity to experience them. Anger, sadness and disappointment are all natural responses when dealing with rejection. We can allow for our feelings, whatever they are, without holding onto them. We can let them come, and let them go.

Practice Acceptance
When rejection occurs, one of the ways many of us automatically respond is with denial. We may tell ourselves that this is not happening or that this is all a mistake that will soon be corrected. Denial is a mechanism of self-defence. We deny that something unpleasant is happening because the reality is too painful. We can gently correct ourselves by saying, “This is happening, and it will be okay. This does not mean that I am a bad person or that I have done something wrong.”

Talk to Someone You Trust
Another common impulse when dealing with rejection is to isolate and to cut ourselves off from support. This is another way that we unconsciously try to protect ourselves from more pain. Many of us equate relationships (revealing ourselves to others in work, love, family and friendships) with the disappointment that sometimes occurs in those relationships.

Take Action and Get Moving
It does not matter what we do, only that we take action and get moving. We can do dishes, pay bills, organise or finish up that work report we have been neglecting. Purposeful movement clears the mind of the stagnant energy and negative emotions that hang around when we are dealing with rejection. This is a perfect time to do something we have been putting off.

We are probably thinking, “What’s the use? I will still be miserable, and it will not change the fact that I have been dumped/passed over for that promotion/turned down by my number-one choice for college or school.” We can choose to think about it differently. We can be heartbroken in a messy living room that makes us feel even more miserable, or we can take constructive action that will likely lift our spirits and self-esteem.

Action has a wonderful way of breeding self-confidence and feelings of empowerment. You will feel less like a victim of your circumstances when you take action in an area you can actually control. Though it may sound like torture to suggest cleaning a closet after what feels like the most painful breakup in history the sooner we get moving, the better we will feel.

It is okay to resist for a while. As soon as we are ready, we can give it a try. If it still seems like an insurmountable, useless task, we can make a deal with ourselves to try it out for fifteen minutes. If we want to stop after 15 minutes, we can stop. But we usually find that the momentum of positive, productive energy created in just those 15 minutes is sufficient to make us want to keep going.

Be Kind to Yourself
One of the best times to do something nice for ourselves is when we are dealing with rejection. This serves a dual purpose: we get to do something enjoyable, and in so doing, we also prove to ourselves that we are worth the effort and attention. We can buy ourselves a special gift or get a massage, manicure and pedicure. We can set aside a day in the coming week to do whatever we want to do, whether that means browsing in a bookstore all afternoon sipping coffee, or losing ourselves in an art project. Planning ahead for “me” time brings with it the gift of something to look forward to, which makes difficult situations infinitely more bearable.

Be Kind to Someone Else
What it does mean, however, is that our thoughts colour our experiences. We have the power to use past success as evidence that future success is possible and, indeed, probable.

Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow. But its purpose is not gratuitous pain. If we have relationships with other people and if we regularly take risks, rejection is inevitable. Like any experience, rejection teaches a valuable lesson that we simply cannot learn any other way. We can always choose to see that value, although it may be difficult at first. Dealing with rejection in one area of life can teach us to deal more gracefully with our next experience of rejection in a completely different area. Lessons like these build on themselves. We can use our past experiences of rejection to make our future experiences less painful.



Whether it is a pet, a relative or a stranger, this strategy is particularly effective for coping with rejection. Focusing on someone else’s needs for a time reminds us that we are not the centre of the universe, and that our disappointments are not as devastating and all-encompassing as we make them out to be. Perhaps someone we love is ill, confined to home or hospital bed. We can ask if there is anything we might help that person with, being grateful for our health and our ability to offer help.

Feeling useful is a fail safe cure for self-pity. We can call a friend and ask how she is, without mentioning or complaining about our circumstances. Take the dog for an extra-long walk, or spend time snuggling with the cat – such small, loving actions centre us, bring us great comfort and remind us that we matter to other beings.

Reaffirm Your Successes
Rejection can make us feel as though we are failing, and can even lead us to falsely assume that not only have we failed, we are complete failures. Reminding ourselves of specific successes is a great way to remember our assets and accomplishments during a time when we are tempted to focus only on the negative. By focusing on the positive, we give it power in our minds, in our actions and ultimately in our circumstances. This does not mean that thinking positively will ensure that we never experience disappointment.

If you need help to get back on track book a private session with Derek Book Now! or Email

 
 

Why I became a Celebrant

Why I became a Celebrant

Why I became a Celebrant.

 


Hi, I am Derek McGillivray.

Why did I choose to be a celebrant?

In my capacity as A Happy Medium, where I am an intuitive life coach and complementary therapist, I discovered I had this amazing ability to foresee weddings, births and so on.

As a result, I was often asked to do wedding ceremonies, or invited to christening of new-born babies.

When at some of these events I often thought that the events did not do justice to the couple as often they didn’t get what they wanted and had to follow set protocols and please Family, church, or others  etc.

So I decided to train as a Civil Celebrant. And offer the couple more options so they could be In Control off THEIR special day.

In June 2019, I completed and passed NOCN Level 3 Diploma in Celebrancy – Baby Naming and Couples.

I was trained in by Civil Ceremonies Ltd. Who are one of the top rated trainers and regulated by the government body OFQUAL.

I am a deeply spiritual person and believe in the concept of unconditional love. Love should be celebrated, and a ceremony is a great way to show that love. I created A Happy Ceremony for that reason to offer personalised ceremonies for my clients,

My motto is “Seal your love with a ceremony and a smile”

Some of the ceremonies I offer are

  • Wedding ceremony
  • Baby Naming
  • Scottish Hand fasting
  • Renewal of Civil partnership or wedding vows
  • Commitment ceremonies
  • Divorce ceremonies

I operate from Elgin in Moray, Scotland but prepared to travel anywhere in UK.

I was already travelling throughout the Uk and the Islands putting on shows for my work as A Happy Medium I had a lot of ceremonies booked but dew to the Covid 19 restrictions they have been rescheduled to next year.

Having been a public speaker for over 25 years I am a very confident speaker and I am often the one who you calms others down,  who are involved in the events I attend, also take charge when things don’t go to plan, I use hummer, kindness and compassion, plus I use my empathy skills to assist you and your family.

I like to get to know a little about you so that I can make sure that your ceremony is personalised to make it unique to you both. You can have as much of your own input as you wish, on your Happy Celebration day. I love to connect with you and your guests so that everyone feels a part of the day and not just a spectator to it. We work together we make it unforgettable.

Here is some of what happens:

  • You find your dream venue or ask us for a recommendation
  • Contact us to hold your preferred date
  • Contact Registration office – Intent to marry
  • Book your signing day
  • Begin creating your unique and personal ceremony!

Whatever the occasion, I look forward to working with you to create a unique and personal ceremony, reflective of who you are and without any restrictions on location, content, format, or style.

My ceremonies are warm, personal, and relaxed, and can be as romantic and sentimental or as upbeat and quirky as you wish.

It’s your day so let’s make it really special and unforgettable for you.

Your Wedding Ceremony

I can officiate at a ceremony for couples of any gender that follows your legal marriage or partnership formalities, either the same day or some time afterwards.

You can share your love for each other with your family and friends, in the ceremony that you really want.

In Scotland just now only a Humanist Celebrant can legally marry you and you have to follow the Humanist format. You don’t have to follow any format with myself as I am not tied to any Religion, but I am fully insured.

The law is hopefully changing soon where all trained celebrants will be able to legally marry, you can have the church minister, priest marry you or a register at or before your ceremony it’s up to you.

Most of my clients just need to say to the register they want to get married but do not want the ceremony with the register, they then get a form to sign and the costs are low.

My ceremonies do not replace your legal formalities but are designed to be a perfect solution to many dilemmas.

If you can say “Yes” to any of the following situations,

the Wedding Celebration Ceremony is for you!

You want your ceremony in a private house or garden.

You want the ceremony outside, maybe in a marquee.

You want to get married abroad but also want to share your wedding celebration with friends and family when you return.

You want your ceremony in a particular venue that is not licensed for marriages or civil partnership.

You want religious or cultural traditions, which are not allowed at a Register Office or in a religious ceremony.

You want to include spiritual, religious, or symbolic elements with special meaning to you.

It is a Personalised ceremony that you design with My help, conducted in front of all your family and friends, in any location that you choose.

These ceremonies are for couples of any gender.

I also can provide PA systems etc as I use them for my other events.

Why Use us, For Your Happy Ceremony?

“Personalise the start of your wedding with a happy ceremony with words that are all about you.”

With a ceremony led by Wedding Celebrant Derek McGillivray you can:

Choose Your Own Location

Your ceremony can be held anywhere!

It does not need to be licensed as the ceremony can be separate from your legal signing.

Choose Your Own Time

Celebrate at a time that suits you. Because normally only one ceremony a day is conducted, you can pick the time you REALLY want!

A Ceremony personalised to suit you

I get to know you so that he can convey your personal story to the guests to make this an unforgettable experience.

I am Fully Qualified and insured I also trained to offer A Naming Ceremony.

What is a Naming ceremony?

A Naming ceremony is an event at which a person or persons is officially assigned a name. Various countries participate in this practice, with methods differing over cultures and religions.

The timing at which a name is assigned can vary from some days after birth to several months or many years.

Your Naming Ceremony can be specially created using your own selection of words, poems and readings, either from the wide selection Derek can provide, or from other sources.

During the ceremony, a special commemorative certificate is signed and presented. There are many ways to make your child’s ceremony a very personal, meaningful, and unique event for all those involved.

Derek can work with you if you still want your child to be baptised in a church etc and want a more personal naming ceremony afterwards. Very often a Baby naming Ceremony is asked for at the same time or before a wedding, especially if couples have children who are being adopted or changing names, it helps make the joining of families more memorable.

Apart from the normal Ring blessing, giving and ring ceremony you can also have lots of other symbolic acts within ceremonies.

The Handfasting Ceremony is probably requested most by the couples in Scotland,

You may have wondered where the expression to tie the knot comes from. It refers to the traditional Celtic ritual of Handfasting, which was recognised as the contract of marriage.

Handfasting may be unfamiliar to many of you so I will explain a little about it.

A hand fasting was originally more like an engagement or trial marriage, where two people would declare a binding union between themselves for a year and a day.

After a year went by they could separate or decide to permanently enter a full marriage, very often if there were no child or pregnancy this is what happened, Hand fasting was suppress in 664 but was still considered amongst many as a legal form of marriage in England until 1753 when it was outlawed.

In Scotland it continued until 1939, hence the stories of elopement to Gretna Green to be married over the anvil.

Candle Lighting

The Bride and Groom each light a candle each, to symbolise their separate lives before their formal union as a married couple. In a partnership of equals, such as the one which they have, each partner cares for the other through both the difficult times and the good times.

They will share the laughter and the tears, the joy, and the sadness, as well as the companionship and tranquillity of simply being together. But at the same time, they will continue to respect each other’s individuality and uniqueness, and this is symbolised by the two candles.

The Bride and Groom then light a third candle symbolising the joining together of their lives in marriage.

The three candles will shine forth as symbols of both their togetherness and of their continuing individuality.

Elements Well Wishing

As a unique way to symbolise a union is to celebrate life’s essential elements. A well-wishing is said to all the elements. Earth, Air, Water and Fire.

There are many ways of doing this, depending on where the ceremony is taking place.

Sand Ceremony

A marriage is symbolised by the pouring together of two individual containers of sand, representing the Bride and the Groom and all that they were, all that they are, and all that they will ever be. As these two containers of sand are poured into the third container, the grains of sand can never again be separated, as you will now be in their marriage.

Planting a Tree

The tree symbolises a Bride and Groom’s hopes for the future as well as the beauty and wonder of life. Whether a tree grows to be tall and strong depends on the nurture it receives. No tree grows alone – they all need the soil, the sunshine and the rain. So too, a marriage needs to be nourished and a Bride and Groom will be there for each other through all the seasons of their life together – to support, love and nurture each other.

Exchange of Flowers

The language of flowers, has its roots throughout history. Using flowers to send a message probably dates to prehistoric times as symbolic use of flowers is mentioned in Egyptian inscriptions, in Chinese writings and in both Greek and Roman mythology.

And so, the bride and groom exchange white roses, which symbolize purity, charm and innocence.

Gathering of Flowers

As your guests arrive, present them with a flower. Each one of these flowers is different, each one is beautiful, and each one will add its own unique qualities to the bouquet that will made when they are gathered together.

All of your guests have each brought their own qualities to their relationships with you, their own beauty, their own colour and their own influence…

And now as they gather together for this most special of occasions, a nominated person will gather these flowers together, each flower representing their place in the bride and Groom’s lives.

The beautiful bundle of flowers represents the colour and the beauty that each and every person brings into your lives, and with the placing of each flower, the bouquet changes, each flower playing its own part in influencing how the final bouquet will look and feel. This bouquet will now be the centrepiece of this ceremony, and the dinner and party to follow.

Gifts for Mothers

This wedding is also a celebration of family. It is the blending of families, separate up to this moment, but united from this day forward – blending their different traditions, strengthening the family tree. Mothers cry when their children hurt and welcome pain and burden to give their sons and daughters the gift of life.

The Bride and Groom, to honour this blending of families, present a rose to their mothers – to thank their parents for the many sacrifices they have made and for their unconditional love so freely given to their children.

There is so much more

Here is a list of symbolic gestures you may wish to consider for your marriage ceremony.

Candle Lighting

Elements Well Wishing

Sand Ceremony

Planting a Tree

Exchange of Flowers

Gathering of Flowers

Gifts for Mothers

The Mexican Hug

Release of Doves

Release of Butterflies

Release of Balloons

Wedding Band Warming

Heart Entwining

Do not forget some of these gestures can be used for the Baby naming ceremonies too.

Thank you for taking the time to watch this video and we also offer services to support you leading up to your big day, and even help you save money on your house hold bills from now, so, you can put that money towards your future instead.

Feel free to come in or have a chat on zoom, we could even do a ceremony over zoom until you can have that real special day, ironically, I have been asked lately for this already.

 

Check my website for more information

www.ahappyceremony.co.uk

Contact Derek McGillivray

Tel 07468119635

Email derek@ahappyceremony.co.uk

 

7 Mayne Road, Elgin IV30 1NY

 

Dealing with Concerns and using your circle of influence.

Dealing with Concerns and using your circle of influence.

The Circle of Influence and the Circle of concern

This is a great process to go though when you have had enough and need to sort out stuff in your head, The idea or model is taken from Stephen Conveys The 7 habits of highly effective people 1989.
We all have concerns in life some we can influence and some we cant in the present, that can change in time. I have learnt though my own life lessons that we cant always change our concerns, especially in politics or the past, people dying, the meaning of Life and so on …but when we Rewind and slow down, then Review this is a great process to look at when we review what we can influence, before we Re engage in life.

All of us have a wide range of concerns in our lives – our housing, our health, our friends and family, the environment, weight issues, animal rights, sex and drugs and rock and roll, the universe of our concerns can go on and on, there are some things we can influence and some things we can only stay concerned about. we do have a choice.

Now we have a choice about where we focus our attention and energy. Not that I am saying to eat wild mushrooms by the way, as you will go mad and that wont help you, but when we take control and focus on your circles of influence and look at what you can influence, we are then ready to Re engage.

Worry Only About the Problems in Your Circle of Influence.

Once you have had a look and sorted out in your head and divided all the concerns in to circles of concern and circles of influence.
Take a break, go for a walk, chill out. and ask
What really is worth my energy?
Who can I influence?
When can I see them?
How will I approach them?
Let the questions and answers, solutions come into your head. Be relaxed and feel good about the fact your moving forward now.

The author and leadership guru Stephen Covey encourages us to only focus on concerns that we have control over. He outlines the “circle of concerns” as all of the stuff that worries us – and then a smaller “circle of influence” (within the larger “circle of concerns”) that only contains stuff that we can actually control.

His point, of course, is that we should only spend our energy on stuff that we can do something about. Focus only on problems that lie within your “circle of influence.”

That is not an easy thing to do at times, but better that, than giving in to negativity.
We are creative and we all have passions, core values that drive us forward look at the other blogs and use all the tools, tips advice, learn and take action.

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

Your energy becomes fractured and depleted as you start to obsess over details and situations that are beyond your control. Ultimately  your ideas and projects will suffer. So don’t waste time on things and situations you cant change in the present moment, focus on what you can change, Your attitude first to a positive one!

Use only positives in your circle of influence, set some goals to influence what you NEED not just what you WANT and remember enthusiasm attracts, enthusiasm back to you.
Let stop the moaning and be happy today, lets start a happy virus one that is a total pain in the tummy, where we can’t stop laughing. There nothing more infectious than the sound of laughter. Make others smile today!