Coping with life’s Challenges.

Coping with life’s Challenges.

Coping with life’s Challenges.

 

 

 

Lets face it, life can be challenging at times, and its how we deal with the difficult times that matter, we need to find ways of coping with the challenges, this is what I call coping mechanisms.

 

Life is like a cup of tea, I love to make myself a cup to relax with, it doesn’t matter what cup I make it in, or how I make it, what type of tea bag or flavour, it’s how I make it, sometimes I will try a different tea, it still doesn’t matter what cup I put it in. Life is not the cup and it doesn’t matter how big or small the cup is, it’s still the same tea. Like life it doesn’t matter what you have, it’s your life so enjoy it. Make that tea the best tea you can have!

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

Over the years I have had many hard situations to deal with, loss of loved ones, loss of jobs, rejection, the list can go on and on. the real success is when we overcome them, by using positive coping mechanisms.

We have to look at what do we do now and ask yourself this?

• When under pressure I
……………………….……………………….

• I often feel guilty about
……………………………………………………….
• When ………………………. happens I
stress out and feel like ……………………….
• My Achilles’ heel (greatest
weakness) is ……………………….
• I am always trying to stop
……………………..…………. from happening.
• When the unexpected happens
I ………………………………………………………..
• I always try to
………………………………………………………..
• The biggest obstacle that
stops me loving and approving of myself is ……………….
• What drives most of my behaviour
is …………………………………………….
• I am afraid of
………………………………………………………..
• I seek my ……………’s approval
(always / mostly / usually / occasionally)
• My most frequent negative /
uncomfortable emotion is feeling ………………….
• The feeling I dislike the
most is ……………………….
• I need to learn to
………………………………………………………..

 

Congratulations – that took
courage!
Now look at better ways of coping. and do that again until your happy you have better solution’s.
What are coping mechanisms?

Taken from Wikipedia.

In psychology, coping means to invest own conscious effort, to solve personal and interpersonal problems, in order to try to master, minimize or tolerate stress and conflict.[1][2][3][4][5]

The psychological coping mechanisms are commonly termed coping strategies or coping skills. The term coping generally refers to adaptive (constructive) coping strategies. That is strategies which reduce stress. In contrast, other coping strategies may be coined as maladaptive, if they increase stress. Maladaptive coping is therefore also described, when looking at the outcome, as non-coping. Furthermore, the term coping generally refers to reactive coping, i.e. the coping response which follows the stressor. This differs from proactive coping, in which a coping response aims to neutralize a future stressor. Subconscious or non-conscious strategies (e.g. defense mechanisms) are generally excluded from the area of coping.

The effectiveness of the coping effort depends on: the type of stress, the individual and the circumstances. Coping responses are partly controlled by personality (habitual traits), but also partly by the social environment, particularly the nature of the stressful environment.

Lets look at other options, rather that going to the Pub or having that big fat cake!
We often suffer from anxiety when we are trying to cope and I found these tips a great help from the Real Simple website

You’ve been in bed for an hour now and you still can’t get to sleep. Maybe you’re thinking about your job  or health insurance. Perhaps some problem with your kids has your mind spinning on its late-night hamster wheel of worry. Whatever the issue, you can’t get it out of your head, so you try to solve it then and there. Before you know it, another hour has passed. Now you start fretting about the fact that you can’t get to sleep. “I’ll be a wreck tomorrow,” you tell yourself. “I’ve got to sleep now.” Doesn’t do the trick though, does it?

We’ve all been there. But the good news is, there is something you can do to help―something more effective than the usual advice to “be positive” or just “stop thinking so much.” The latest research on anxiety suggests innovative, even odd, techniques for coping successfully with recurrent worries. I’ve seen these work for hundreds of patients. In fact, I’ve found that most people can get a grip on things if they take a few minutes to develop a different relationship with their thoughts and feelings. Here are 10 approaches to try.

1. Repeat your worry until you’re bored silly. If you had a fear of elevators, you’d get rid of it if you rode in one a thousand times in a row. At first, you would be very anxious, then less so, and eventually it would have no effect (except to make you sick of riding in an elevator). So take the troublesome thought that’s nagging at you and say it over and over, silently, slowly, for 20 minutes. It’s hard to keep your mind on a worry if you repeat it that many times. I call this the “boredom cure” for obvious reasons, but it sure beats feeling overwhelmed by anxiety.

2. Make it worse. When you try too hard to control your anxieties, you only heighten them. Instead, exaggerate them and see what happens. For instance, if you fear that your mind will go blank during a presentation, fake it intentionally in the middle of your next one. Say, “Gee, what was I just saying?” Notice how this makes no difference. It’s nothing to worry about, right? I did this at a lecture once and no one raised an eyebrow. (Perhaps they weren’t listening anyway!)

3. Don’t fight the craziness. You may occasionally have thoughts that lead you to think you’ll do something terrible (“I’m attracted to him. Does that mean I’ll have an affair?”) or that you’re going insane (a client of mine who is an attorney kept imagining herself screaming in court). Remember―our minds are creative. Little synapses are firing away at random, and every now and then a “crazy” thought jumps out. Everyone has them. Instead of judging yours, describe it to yourself like it’s a curious object on a shelf and move on.

4. Recognise false alarms. That fear of your house burning down because you left the iron on has never come true. That rapid heart beat doesn’t mean you’re having a heart attack; it’s your body’s natural response to arousal. Many thoughts and sensations that we interpret as cues for concern―even panic―are just background noise. Think of each of them as a fire engine going to another place. You’ve noticed them; now let them pass by.

5. Turn your anxiety into a movie. You can let go of a worry by disconnecting yourself from it. One way is to imagine that your anxious thoughts are a show. Maybe they’re a little guy in a funny hat who tap dances and sings out your worry while you sit in the audience, eating popcorn, a calm observer.6. Set aside worry time. All too often we take a “Crackberry” approach to our worries: They show up unannounced, like constantly dinging e-mails, and we stop everything to address them―even if we should be doing something else. But what if you don’t respond right away? Try setting aside 20 minutes every day―let’s say at 4:30 p.m.―just for your worries. If you are fretting at 10 a.m., jot down the reason and resolve to think it through later. By the time 4:30 comes around, many of your troubles won’t even matter anymore. And you will have spent almost an entire day anxiety-free.

7. Take your hand off the horn. You constantly check the weather before a big outdoor event. You replay that clumsy comment you made, wishing you could take it back. And, yes, you honk your horn in traffic. When you desperately try to take command of things that can’t be controlled, you’re like the swimmer who panics and slaps at the water, screaming. It gets you nowhere. Instead, imagine that you are floating along on the water with your arms spread out, looking up to the sky. It’s a paradox, but when you surrender to the moment, you actually feel far more in control.

8. Breathe it out. You may notice that when your body is tense, you hold your breath. Focusing on breathing is a common but effective technique for calming the nerves. Where is your breath now, and where is your mind? Bring them together. Listen to the movement of your breath. Does your mind wander somewhere else? Call it back. Concentrate only on breathing in and out, beginning and ending, breath to breath, moment to moment.

9. Make peace with time. When you’re a worrier, everything can feel like an emergency. But notice this about all your anxious arousal: It’s temporary. Every feeling of panic comes to an end, every concern eventually wears itself out, every so-called emergency seems to evaporate. Ask yourself, “How will I feel about this in a week or a month?” This one, too, really will pass.

10. Don’t let your worries stop you from living your life. Many of them will turn out to be false, and the consequences of your anxiety―less sleep, a rapid pulse, a little embarrassment―are just inconveniences when it comes down to it. What can you still do even if you feel anxious? Almost anything.

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

I found these suggestions of coping mechanisms. from your life your voice website

Exercise (running, walking, etc.).
Put on fake tattoos.
Write (poetry, stories, journal).
Scribble/doodle on paper.
Be with other people.
Watch a favorite TV show.
Post on web boards, and answer others’ posts.
Go see a movie.
Do a wordsearch or crossword.
Do schoolwork.
Play a musical instrument.

Paint your nails, do your make-up or hair.
Sing.
Study the sky.
Punch a punching bag.
Cover yourself with Band-Aids where you want to cut.
Let yourself cry.
Take a nap (only if you are tired).
Take a hot shower or relaxing bath.
Play with a pet.
Go shopping.
Clean something.
Knit or sew.
Read a good book.
Listen to music.
Try some aromatherapy (candle, lotion, room spray).
Meditate.
Go somewhere very public.
Bake cookies.
Alphabetise your CDs/DVDs/books.
Paint or draw.
Rip paper into itty-bitty pieces.
Shoot hoops, kick a ball.
Write a letter or send an email.
Plan your dream room (colours/furniture).
Hug a pillow or stuffed animal.
Hyper-focus on something like a rock, hand, etc.
Dance.
Make hot chocolate, milkshake or smoothie.
Play with modelling clay or Play-Dough.
Build a pillow fort.
Go for a nice, long drive.
Complete something you’ve been putting off.
Draw on yourself with a marker.
Take up a new hobby.
Look up recipes, cook a meal.
Look at pretty things, like flowers or art.
Create or build something.
Pray.
Make a list of blessings in your life.
Read the Bible.
Go to a friend’s house.
Jump on a trampoline.
Watch an old, happy movie.
Contact a hotline/ your therapist.
Talk to someone close to you.
Ride a bicycle.
Feed the ducks, birds, or squirrels.
Colour with Crayons.
Memorise a poem, play, or song.
Stretch.
Search for ridiculous things on the internet.
“Shop” on-line (without buying anything).

Colour-coordinate your wardrobe.
Watch fish.
Make a CD/playlist of your favourite songs.
Play the “15 minute game.” (Avoid something for 15 minutes, when time is up start again.)
Plan your wedding/prom/other event.
Plant some seeds.
Hunt for your perfect home or car on-line.
Try to make as many words out of your full name as possible.
Sort through your photographs.
Play with a balloon.
Give yourself a facial.
Find yourself some toys and play.
Start collecting something.
Play video/computer games.
Clean up trash at your local park.
Perform a random act of kindness for someone.
Text or call an old friend.
Write yourself an “I love you because…” letter.
Look up new words and use them.
Rearrange furniture.
Write a letter to someone that you may never send.
Smile at least five people.
Play with little kids.
Go for a walk (with or without a friend).
Put a puzzle together.
Clean your room /closet.
Try to do handstands, cartwheels, or back bends.
Yoga.
Teach your pet a new trick.
Learn a new language.
Move EVERYTHING in your room to a new spot.
Get together with friends and play Frisbee, soccer or basketball.
Hug a friend or family member.
Search on-line for new songs/artists.
Make a list of goals for the week/month/year/5 years.
Face paint.

Don’t get frustrated with life’s challenges!
 
 
​​​We can all laugh now and relax. Take that time out and think of better coping strategies for the future.
Practice mindfulness and meditated, learn as much as you can, don’t just sit there and be alone.

Build up your emergency care kit and if you need help. feel free to ask, and together we will build up your coping mechanisms and strategies to succeed though life’s challenges.

 

 

My Dream Partner

My Dream Partner

My Dream Partner

This blog is about finding that true love, even if you have a loving and caring partner, spread this to someone who’s been suffering from a bad relationship, a loss or have been lonely. Everyone has true love inside them its sharing that love and finding the right person is a journey full of lessons and hurdles to overcome. There is no right or wrong there is just is love.

After some of my own personal challenges with diabetes, where we have to deal with change, fear and sometimes acceptance. Knowing that you could die from hypos or the sugar highs, you soon realize that life has to be lived in the now, you learn to cope with what you can’t change, but we also learn that solutions can be found, if we keep positive, never give up! Give others the chance to help you, and most of all give yourself a chance to help yourself by stopping and taking the time out to look after your own needs and wants. We can’t help others unless we help and support ourselves!

The saying givers gain is true, only if you give back to yourself. If you need help to get the balance back and find that happy medium in your life by putting yourself first, when we take back that control, we are ready to find that true balance in life and hopefully find that true love of an other.

Living on the edge of life, can be inspiring. We can all jump into something without thinking of the consequences but we all have the power within to take a step back from the edge and enjoy the view, we should only jump of the edge when we know it’s right and we have a parachute to soften the landing, so we can also enjoy the journey on the way down. This is me at the top of a hill in front of Ben Nevis where a lot of folk jump of in a parachute, made me think about my life and how nice it would be to take a risk again when i was getting over a relationship.
Wild flowers remind us that beautiful things can happen even in hard to grow areas, all they need is a little light and love.
Spread some light and love today to those in your life going though the darkest challenges life can bring us at times. When we send it unconditionally with love, they then can see it’s possible to recover and flower again!
This was flowers I was drawn to and took photos of before a reading I did with someone who lost her husband and she was still very young and needed to move forward, a rose is a strong beautiful flower but has thorns that can hurt you. But we still move on!

We can all stand alone on the top of a mountain and look back on the journey there, at times we feel like giving up, we feel the pain, we lack the resources and energy to carry on, then just as you feel you want to give up some stranger you don’t know comes out of the blue and offers you help a drink and bit of food. 

Life gives us what we need we just have to learn to receive as well as giving out. We all have mountains to climb some bigger than others, you may have to regroup, think again, go a different route but when you finally achieve it after learning the lessons on the journey there, we then feel we can climb a bigger one and have the strength to reach the top every time.

If we believe in ourselves others will believe in you and help you on your way. Never allow that big mountains in life we climb, to defeat you. Allow yourself the time and energy and most of all the love from others to drive you to the top!

When I was working on the Psychic phone lines on National TV, one of the most common questions was what will my next partner be like? what do you see? The fact that as a psychic, we only see possibilities and options there is never any guarantees, this made me question why so many people fail to learn from past mistakes? What could I do to encourage success in relationships?
The first thing we need to accept is you need to work at it, don’t give up, people change over time, it a constant change, learning and when it works, its beautiful to see and feel.
 Your time is very important and as we get older we value our time more!
My Time
My time has a value and worth.
My time is given wisely.
My time goes to quick I can’t catch it.
My time is wasted by others.
My time has been lost.
But your time has come and your time is now.
Put down the phone and all the other time consuming devices.
As my time is mine to use not to waste on others who don’t value my time.
Spend time with yourself and listen to yourself, make time today
If your seeing people who waste your time then its time to move on, those who say yes, we will do this and that and don’t, are not worth your time and energy.
Not every woman or man you meet will become a lover, but they could become great friends, who have friends also, that could become a lover. If you keep meeting the same type of partners and it doesn’t work out try going or doing something different, you wont meet your dream partner in your local pub if you been with all the available women/ men and find there not for you.
I was also told by a wise woman,” rejection is gods protection.” so don’t take it to heart.
Ask where can I go?
What type of person do I want to meet?
Where do these people go?
Am I confident at asking people out? If  not how can I gain confidence?
Use positive loving affirmations to gain confidence.
Relationship Affirmations
 
I have happy relationships. Positive Daily Affirmations for Relationships
Examples of positive daily affirmations for relationships include:
1. I am a confident and positive person, and confident and positive persons gravitate toward me every day.
2. I know who I obviously am and what I like in personal relationships.
3. I am attracting powerfully positive and healthy people into my life.
4. I am caring, smart, supportive, loyal, and fun to be with.
5. I feel completely at ease and comfortable with all types of people.
6. I am winning in all my relationships.
7. I am a positive and valuable contributor to my relationships.
8. I possess complete ability to articulate my thoughts and feelings to everyone, and I express myself wisely.
If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!
I found this tool a few years back and its a useful tool to help in seeking that dream partner.
This tool helps you imagine the qualities of your dream partner. By making a quiz about your dream partner you can create a clear picture of them in their mind.
When you have finished, you will have a list of the qualities you would like in a future partner.
Then, when you meet them – you will be able to recognize them straight away!
 
Part II is often the part people overlook.
Replace “He” and “She” below as appropriate.
Part I: Questions To Discover Your Future Partners Qualities
What qualities do you want your potential partner to demonstrate?
Think about your answers to these questions to get some ideas:
“How does he make me feel special?”
“What does she do when I’m sick in bed?”
“How does he show affection?”
“How does he treat me in company when we go out?”
“How does he make me laugh?”
“Her most important quality is …”
“The best thing about him is …”
For example:
Question: “How does he treat me in company when we go out?”
Qualities: He is respectful, attentive and kind.
Part II: Your Qualities
Love is not what you get, but what you give.
Harley M Storey

Now write down the qualities you will bring to the relationship.
Part III: Identifying Your Partners Qualities
In Part I you wrote a list of the qualities of your Future Partner.
But when you meet someone, how will you know if they have those qualities?
Now, write down examples of how they will express those qualities and what actions and behavior will demonstrate those qualities.
For example:
Question: “How does he treat me in company when we go out?”
Qualities: He is respectful, attentive and kind.
Behavior: He is attentive and considerate to me, and kind to the waitress.”

A card reading is a great fun way to look at your options, whether is a tarot or angel card reading I feel it does help to make your mind up. 



Life is full of choices, we can choose to remain positive though the tough times and find the strength to carry on, by doing so we encourage others to do the same. We can all remain positive and find that belief in ourselves that nothing stays the same and your time will come, if we keep dreaming of a positive outcome in time that dream will come true!

Don’t let life’s challenges, stop you from loving yourself, others can put you down, or make life difficult. We can’t change them as they can only change themselves, but we can top ourselves up of love, if the love has stopped coming as we all made of love ❤️ So stop procrastinating, get that cup of love, breathe and let go of what no longer serves you, anger, hate, etc and think of the new opportunities in the now and ahead, embrace the love inside and keep spreading true love to all!

If you need help, book a session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

What are Your Core Values?

What are Your Core Values?

Setting Core Values.

One of the first things I get my business clients to do is tell me their core values, what drives them? what do they need to project? How do you want to be seen? Whats their passion? and so on.
But not only do I use this form of questioning for my business clients, I now use it for my personal clients as we all have values and passions, we need to question ourselves at times and find out if we are following our core values, and if we feel we are not, What actions can we take to get back on track?
My first experience of living by core values came when I was working at PSN and oil service company in Aberdeen who went though a management buy out from Halliburton.
The then CO Robert (Bob) Keiller who lead the management buyout strongly believed in their core values which are divided into 7 core values, these were adopted by Woodgroup who bought the successful company after a few years of great growth. Bob lived and breathed these values and inspired his staff and collages to live by them also.
if you look at Woodgroups website you will see this statement:
Core values are at the heart of our business because they define who we are, how we work, what we believe in and what we stand for. Our core values set out how we act and how we expect to be treated as part of Wood Group and provide a sound basis to make decisions.

Robin Watson, chief executive

Safety & Assurance
Safety & Assurance is our top priority because lives depend on it. We passionately care about the safety of our people and behave as safety leaders. We are committed to preventing injuries and ill health to our people and those we work with so everyone returns home safely. We provide our people with the training, knowledge and tools to work safely and prevent accidents. We are focused on assuring the safety of everything we design, construct, operate and maintain.

Relationships
Our business depends on healthy relationships with customers, business partners, and suppliers. We build and nurture strong relationships that are mutually beneficial, making sure that we deeply understand the people we deal with, so that we can anticipate their needs and always aim to exceed their expectations. Everyone in our organisation contributes to the quality of the relationships we build and we actively seek feedback.

Social Responsibility

Being socially responsible is integral to what we do.We aim to make a positive difference to the communities where we operate and seek ways to assist them. We prioritise the hiring and development of local people and work with local supply chains where we can. We are committed to minimising the impact of our activities on the environment by conserving resources, reducing waste and emissions, and preventing environmental pollution and we work with our customers to provide the best environmental solutions.

People
People are the heart of our business. We are professional, high performing team players focused on delivering and drawing on our global expertise. We aim to attract, develop and retain the best people, treating each other with honesty, compassion and respect. We create a stimulating, fun and open work culture that promotes personal development and work/life balance, rewards competitively and celebrates success.

Innovation
Innovation gives us competitive advantage. We promote collaboration and sharing of ideas across our business. We have a structured approach to recognising innovations, rapidly testing ideas and sharing learning. We encourage our people to challenge established practices and achieve continuous improvement. We are committed to delivering thorough and sound solutions to every challenge.

Financial Responsibility
We expect to receive fair reward for our business performance. We are cost aware and carefully manage our own and our customers’ costs. We manage financial risk systematically and communicate our financial performance in a clear, concise manner.

Integrity

We are proud of our reputation, built over many years, which depends on us consistently doing the right thing. Integrity is our cornerstone and character is as important as ability. We build trust and act with honesty. We comply with our Business Ethics Policy, management system and all local rules and regulations. We foster a culture of transparency and responsibility. We investigate all violations and complaints and take appropriate action.

A great example of core values used at a high level.
There are many examples of core values this is from
Yourdictionary.com
Core values are the fundamental beliefs of a person or organisation. The core values are the guiding principles that dictate behaviour and action. Core values can help people to know what is right from wrong; they can help companies to determine if they are on the right path and fulfilling their business goals; and they create an unwavering and unchanging guide. There are many different types of core values and many different examples of core values depending upon the context.

Core Values About Life

Often, when you hear someone discuss why they fell in love with a spouse, they will mention that they have the same values. In this case, they are often talking about core values, or internal beliefs that dictate how life is to be lived.
Some examples of core values people might have about life include:

 

  • A belief, or lack thereof, in God and/or an affiliation with a religious institution
  • A belief in being a good steward of resources and in exercising frugality
  • A belief that family is of fundamental importance
  • A belief that honesty is always the best policy and that trust has to be earned
  • A belief in maintaining a healthy work/life balance

 

Parents also try to instil these types of positive core values in children.
Of course, core values don’t always have to be positive. Some people may be driven by self-interest or greed, and these are core values too if they dictate the way the people live their lives.

Need Help, Book a Life Coaching appointment today!

Corporate Core Values

Companies can have core values as well. These are the guiding principles that help to define how the corporation would behave. They are usually expressed in the corporation’s mission statement.
Some examples of core values for a company might include:

 

  • A commitment to sustainability and to acting in an environmentally friendly way. Companies like Patagonia and Ben & Jerry’s have environmental sustainability as a core value.
  • A commitment to innovation and excellence. Apple Computer is perhaps best known for having a commitment to innovation as a core value. This is embodied by their “Think Different” motto.
  • A commitment to doing good for the whole. Google, for example, believes in making a great search engine and building a great company without being evil.

 

 

As you can see, many of the core values that companies have are similar to those that individuals might choose as guiding principles as well.
Companies may also have negative core values as well. Companies that are solely motivated by profit, such as tobacco companies who lied to their customers about the dangers of smoking, may have been driven by core values of self-interest and an overly strong profit motive.

Some Types of Core Values

There are countless types of core values, as you can see, so you will need to choose the ones that are right for you or your organisation.
Here are some examples of core values from which you may wish to choose:

 

  • Dependable
  • Reliable
  • Loyal
  • Committed
  • Open-minded
  • Consistent
  • Honest
  • Efficient
  • Innovative
  • Creative
  • Humorous
  • Fun-loving
  • Adventurous
  • Motivated
  • Positive
  • Optimistic
  • Inspiring
  • Passionate
  • Respectful
  • Athletic
  • Fit
  • Courageous
  • Educated
  • Respected
  • Loving
  • Nurturing

 


Identifying Core Values

While some people or companies might expressly publish their core values, often the best way to identify these values is to which how they act and behave. A core value is only a true core value if it has an active influence and if the people or company manage to live by it, at least most of the time.


Read more at http://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-core-values.html#I8UaGrDTtHoiXQdL.99

You can see why I love living by core values and mission statements, like my own statement

I enlighten others to succeed though life’s challenges.


In life we live to certain standards and ethics which come from our learnings, learnt behaviours. when we apply  our own core values to our goals and needs for ourselves and others, we apply part of our own passion which comes from our heart.

So take that time out and look at your own core values and apply them to you goals and needs.

If you need help contact me Derek McGillivray www.ahappymedium.co.uk


useful links


http://articles.bplans.com/writing-a-mission-statement/


http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/mission-statement.html

 

Overcoming Loneliness.

Overcoming Loneliness.

Overcoming Loneliness.

 

Being alone doesn’t need to be a negative, you! yes you! can turn it into a positive!

Yes we all at times like to have that space and be alone, but when its forced on us we often fear it, we have gotten used to being with a certain person or family members, but life can change that, very quickly, kids grow up, people leave us unexpectedly, we loose that job and so on.
don’t panic you can deal with being alone and you can change the situation to being positive, it can take time its up to you!

Lets look at the different types of being alone,

Being alone is not the same as being lonely. There is nothing wrong with being on your own if you are comfortable with it.

People usually describe feeling lonely for one of two reasons, they simply don’t see or talk to anyone very often, even though they are surrounded by people, they don’t feel understood or cared for.

Deciding which is the case for you may help you to find a way of feeling better.

I always turn being lonely into a positive and use that time to plan and also process what has happen to make me feel lonely, we can all get depressed and down when alone and it can sometimes turn into a metal health issue, so stop and think about what you can do now to feel better.
If your in a relationship or job where you feel alone then take action!
Join a trade union, speak to personnel, marriage guidance, go online look for groups to join,
Communicate how you feel, be assertive, very often we don’t like saying no.
I say if I don’t want to do something because I feel that I need a bit of space is just say “sorry that doesn’t work for me today”
There are many situations where we can struggle with being alone and feel afraid, very often we find that we aren’t alone in being alone.
Let’s face it life can give us some really difficult challenges often when we don’t expect it, we can feel alone, sad and frustrated. Then all of a sudden we get that energy inside to get us though that difficult time, but that energy inside us, is always there and is abundant, it’s called love and light. Connect to yours today, feel that love and let it drive you through the challenges of life. Just say “I am made from love and light, I do have enough energy to overcome my challenges”

Using Open questions helps you connect to others.

When we take that step and join a club or go somewhere to meet new people we have to learn to communicate, engage in open communication by asking open questions. try and avoid using closed questions as this stops the flow and we may loose interest and go back to our quiet selves and hide. We then go back to feeling lonely and we don’t move forward.
 

Closed questions

Definition

There are two definitions that are used to describe closed questions. A common definition is:

A closed question can be answered with either a single word or a short phrase.

Thus ‘How old are you?’ and ‘Where do you live?’ are closed questions. A more limiting definition that is sometimes used is:

A closed question can be answered with either ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

By this definition ‘Are you happy?’ and ‘Is that a knife I see before me?’ are closed questions, whilst ‘What time is it?’ and ‘How old are you?’ are not. This causes a problem of how to classify the short-answer non-yes-or-no questions, which do not fit well with the definition for open questions. A way of handling this is to define ‘yes-no’ as a sub-class of the short-answer closed question.
Using closed questions

Closed questions have the following characteristics:
They give you facts.
They are easy to answer.
They are quick to answer.
They keep control of the conversation with the questioner.

This makes closed questions useful in the following situations:

UsageExample
As opening questions in a conversation, as it makes it easy for the other person to answer, and doesn’t force them to reveal too much about themselves.
It’s great weather, isn’t it?

Where do you live?
What time is it?
For testing their understanding (asking yes/no questions). This is also a great way to break into a long ramble.
So, you want to move into our apartment, with your own bedroom and bathroom — true?  
For setting up a desired positive or negative frame of mind in them (asking successive questions with obvious answers either yes or no ).
Are you happy with your current supplier?

Do they give you all that you need?
Would you like to find a better supplier?
For achieving closure of a persuasion (seeking yes to the big question).If I can deliver this tomorrow, will you sign for it now?

Note how you can turn any opinion into a closed question that forces a yes or no by adding tag questions, such as “isn’t it?”, “don’t you?” or “can’t they?”, to any statement.

The first word of a question sets up the dynamic of the closed question and signals the easy answer ahead. Note how these are words like: do, would, are, will, if.

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

Open questions

Definition

An open question can be defined thus:

An open question is likely to receive a long answer.

Although any question can receive a long answer, open questions deliberately seek longer answers, and are the opposite of closed questions.
Using open questions

Open questions have the following characteristics:
They ask the respondent to think and reflect.
They will give you opinions and feelings.
They hand control of the conversation to the respondent.

This makes open questions useful in the following situations:

UsageExample
As a follow-on from closed questions, to develop a conversation and open up someone who is rather quiet.
What did you do on you holidays? 

How do you keep focused on your work?
To find out more about a person, their wants, needs, problems, and so on.What’s keeping you awake these days?

Why is that so important to you?
To get people to realise the extend of their problems (to which, of course, you have the solution).I wonder what would happen if your customers complained even more?

Rob Jones used to go out late. What happened to him? 
To get them to feel good about you by asking after their health or otherwise demonstrating human concern about them.How have you been after your operation?

You’re looking down. What’s up?

 

Open questions begin with such as: what, why, how, describe.
Using open questions can be scary, as they seem to hand the baton of control over to the other person. However, well-placed questions do leave you in control as you steer their interest and engage them where you want them.
When opening conversations, a good balance is around three closed questions to one open question. The closed questions start the conversation and summarise progress, whilst the open question gets the other person thinking and continuing to give you useful information about them.
A neat trick is to get them to ask you open questions. This then gives you the floor to talk about what you want. The way to achieve this is to intrigue them with an incomplete story or benefit.

Being lonely at night time.

A lot of my clients have problems at night time and find it hard to sleep as they worry about being alone, especially after the loss of a loved one, or the break up of a relationship. It takes time to adjust and often counselling can help, being more relaxed, Reading positive books, watching funny programs, write down ideas, I used to go for a drive and get out of the house, avoid caffeine etc. get advice on that, see your doctor, nurse etc
Its trial and error what works for others may not work for you.
All you folk who have a troubled mind tonight just relax and let the Angels take over for a while. just feel yourself happy or what it’s like to be happy remember a time you felt happy, and feel it now and how good it is to be happy, this Happy medium is now happy your happy, and if your not happy reading my happy post by now, then you will be happy as all this is trying to do is let you feel how happy I am you have read my happy post. If you can’t get happy then just say sod this unhappy feeling I have and by now the universe is working on making you happy lol
 Night all for Christ sake be happy !!!!
 Happy dreams!

How mediation can help you over come loneliness.

Meditation, means being ‘pleasantly anchored in the present moment’. With the hectic lifestyle people live in today, stress is a strong contributor to heart disease and high blood pressure. This is why it is important to learn to relax and relax our body. And this can be achieved through meditation. Meditation is easy for us to incorporate into our lives.

Meditation is becoming more and more popular every day and there is a reason behind this. Scientists study it; doctors recommend it and millions of people all over the world practice it every day. Why? Because meditation works. Meditation is not just a matter of belief or disbelief. Meditation can improve our achievements and it can help us,we can develop hidden talents and capabilities that we had forgotten we possess. Achieve more with less effort – that is the essence of Meditation.

Meditations can completely relax our body and mind and it can also make our brain more alert and make our heart relax. It refreshes us completely and gets us ready for another batch of work. It also helps us block out any distractions that may come across our way.

You don’t have to sit with knees crossed or anything funny, we all meditate at certain times of the day, like when were doing the Ironing, cooking, reading etc

So use that time when you feel lonely to meditate or try mindfulness, often this gives as an incite to ourselves and you may even enjoy it, this doesn’t have to be done alone, there are groups and very often classes where you can be given guided meditations to start with.

There are lots of books on it and lots of CDs best to find you own way to meditate and just relax.

If you have
a dream
Don’t wait
for some distant day to come,
it may be too
late before you’ve even begun.
Not everyone
will agree with all you decide.
Be true to
yourself first and foremost.
The only
important thing in life is what you do
with the time
you spend here on Earth.
Don’t be
afraid to follow your desires,
they are not
silly nor selfish.
Take the time
and do what makes you feel alive.
Leave your
fears and regrets in the past,
for this is
where they belong.
Don’t cloud
today with things that can’t be undone.
You have no
more control over yesterday or tomorrow,
than you do
the raging of your passions.
Do not quiet
these dreams nor quench your desires.
For if you
do, your journey is ended.
You have only
today to begin anew and follow your dreams.
For in the
end all we have are our memories.
When the
twilight comes to us, let there be,
No excuses,
no explanations, no regrets!
unknown
 
 
Remember to laugh and what made you laugh, remember what worked in the past, when you were lonely before, avoid the comfort zones i.e. eating and drinking to much just to cheer yourself up, if that is what you enjoy, ask people round, go see others, join a befriend group, often helping others you can help yourself. do that course you have always wanted to do, use that lonely time in a constructive way.
I really don’t want to see you or help you get rid of an additive behaviour like Gambling and drinking as you aren’t facing up to things, when we do that, have a list of things you can do when you feel lonely, hand write it as it helps to log it in to your subconscious mind. Stay focused on your well being and never be afraid to ask for help!
OK things happen out with your control, and we say why me? You have the ability to overcome the challenges, just laugh let go of all the stress, take a deep breath and feel that laughter come back and feel that energy inside saying, sod this! Time to accept and move forward.
 

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

some useful web sites

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/#

www.wavelength.org.uk/

http://www.royalvoluntaryservice.org.uk/
www.webofloneliness.com

The lessons of Discernment by Derek McGillivray.

The lessons of Discernment by Derek McGillivray.

Be strong and practice the lessons from discernment, be empowered and take the control back from those situations where you have felt used and hurt by others. Discernment is a gift we are given to cope with life’s challenges, use it wisely!

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

What does discernment mean?

In its simplest definition, discernment is nothing more than the ability to decide between truth and error, right and wrong. Discernment is the process of making careful distinctions in our thinking about truth. In other words, when we feel we are being lead up the garden path, by others, or when false promises are given. That can be in work, personal relationships or false claims by retailers etc.

The true meaning of Discernment from Wikipedia  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discernment

Discernment is the ability to obtain sharp perceptions or to judge well (or the activity of so doing). In the case of judgment, discernment can be psychological or moral in nature. In the sphere of judgment, discernment involves going past the mere perception of something and making nuanced judgments about its properties or qualities. Considered as a virtue, a discerning individual is considered to possess wisdom, and be of good judgement; especially so with regard to subject matter often overlooked by others.

 

How does using discernment help you?

In my own life I had to use discernment a few times, where I learnt not to give energy to those who I had once thought were genuine and then was miss lead, I never followed my gut feelings which I regretted at the time, from pyramid marketing scams, to love issues, we have all had that sort of experience at some point in our lives. Sometimes it’s not the persons fault, they may have been miss lead themselves, or in some cases they are ill, so I still practice forgiveness but they have to forgive their actions as they are the ones who caused it.

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

If we stay in the anger or the hate mode, we only hurt ourselves, we have to let it go, and that to me is what discernment is all about. Letting go of that horrible feeling of being hurt and used, is a part of the healing process.

A lot of my clients come to me after such experiences, from a sudden change in relationships with their partner to being let down by others, even family, and its hard for them to let go and discernment is something we talk about, cutting the cords, not putting energy to such negative behaviours of others is hard, but its a way of letting go, we cant change the other person we can only change the way we feel about them.

 

As the cards say, we need to pay attention to the red flags, and when we practice discernment, we become free from the emotions and we can then take the control back, its not easy and we can ask friends to help by being with them and doing fun stuff, do a bit of meditating, mindfulness, clear away all the emotions and start with a clean sheet.

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

A card reading or a life coaching session can help, it helped me when I had to go though hard situation in my life, where its hard to let go. being playful with friends can help. The lesson of discernment is hard and it how you deal with it in the present moment that matters.

 

 

To do something different, you do get a different result!

If we send Love and healing to them as they need it more than you, we change the way we feel, I remember once at a union meeting with the Oil companies and I really felt annoyed and frustrated with one of the main company directors who had lead us down the garden path a few times before, promised reviews and investigations about some of our issues and he did the opposite, one of my colleges from a different union who had been in the miners strike told me never get angry, just send them love as they need it more than you, discern yourself from the anger in that moment, as I remember his talk, I tried sending love instead of raising to his bate and getting worked up.

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I went quiet and the thought came into my head, I stood up and said hey “Mr we can agree on something,” he then went away on one of his rants about never being able to agree with a young militant trade unionist, who had shut down the north sea. I kept calm and made a bet with him that we can agree, he then said “OK what can we agree on?” I just said “We can agree to disagree!!”, everyone burst out laughing, we did in fact talk and agree on a way forward, so that lesson of discernment was not easy but very effective that day.

We will never agree with or please everybody, accept that in life, debate your corner calmly and with reasoned debates, agree to disagree but move forward. It’s our differences that make us unique, new ideas or thoughts can bring fear and frustration, when we accept change and work though it together, you learn to appreciate that some changes are for your greater good, life brings us challenges its how we deal with them in the now that matter. To have peace and love in your life learn to compromise and accept change with and open heart. If others cant see that, then practice discernment and don’t look back!

See the solution now, don’t wait for it to come to you, grab the moment and turn it into that special time, where we try a new direction, that could lead you to achieve success. The best plan is one that can be changed to create that victory!

 

Don’t let negativity close your eyes to the future possibilities! Use the lesson of discernment to achieve the success you deserve.
 

If you need help to find solutions to your challenges book an appointment and let’s find A Happy Medium to gain success!

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

As I said in the video the word Discernment has Biblical meaning for those that are interested here it is.
The spiritual gift of discernment is also known as the gift of “discernment of spirits” or “distinguishing between spirits.” The Greek word for the gift of discernment is Diakrisis. The word describes being able to distinguish, discern, judge or appraise a person, statement, situation, or environment. In the New Testament it describes the ability to distinguish between spirits as in 1 Corinthians 12:10, and to discern good and evil as in Hebrews 5:14.

The Holy Spirit gives the gift of discernment to enable certain Christians to clearly recognize and distinguish between the influence of God, Satan, the world, and the flesh in a given situation. The church needs those with this gift to warn believers in times of danger or keep them from being led astray by false teaching. See also I Corinthians 12:10Acts 5:3-616:16-181 John 4:1.www.ahappymedium.co.uk

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Life never stays the same, so embrace change as part of your life!

Life never stays the same, so embrace change as part of your life!

Fear of change? In my life I’ve had to come out of comfort zones, enforced change by no fault of my own, life throws you stuff unexpectedly. But when we look back the lessons we learn, the new skills, and the confidence you gain is worth no amount of money, but its worth as much as a pot of gold, plus we gain the strength from within. So if you need to change or accept change, do it with an open mind and embrace the new experiences with a strong heart and a determined positive mind!


I know its not easy to accept change but in order to accept change we have to look at what we do now?

How many of us have got into the habit of waking up and looking at our phones, Facebook, and so on. We don’t allow ourselves time to fully wake up, we get back into that stress fullness behaviour straight away. If we tried just to listen to soft music or to the sounds of nature outside, Kids playing and talking, sitting down to eat a proper breakfast. Not the news and all the heavy stuff on TVs and phones especially if you know you have a busy day ahead at work, why take on the worlds problems as well, when you have your own stuff to deal with, focus on what you can influence on the day.
If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

Being bullied is not change!

Don’t be bullied into doing what you don’t want to do!
very often I get clients who are stressed and burnt out as they don’t know how to say no.
What I can suggest you say instead is

 
Sorry that doesn’t work for me just now!
I am Fine we say to our friends.
Let’s define FINE
F Frustrated
I indecisive
N Neurotic
E Exhausted

So by saying just fine, we are really saying we are not happy.
so look at what you can change! Your attitude for one.
As all things are created by our thoughts let’s start with a Happy thought.
Define HAPPY
H Healthy
A Abundant
P Persistent
P Positive
Y Youthful
Fine is not good enough.
We are what we think we are, so be HAPPY and think happy thoughts,
If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

You have to believe to receive!

When we have to have purpose in our life it makes change easier, We have to have a why sometimes.

Ifs it about money or lack of as often change can mean less money, think about this.

Let’s just say Sod it to all our money issues and have no judgement around money and just accepting things as they are.

Money is just an exchange, imagine a world with out money, if what you have to offer is worth enough to other people, then they’ll give you lots of things in return E,G I need flowers in my garden in return or painting done so that’s what my exchange would be I would then have loads of nice colours around me making me happy, which I would value.

We are simply in a constant process of exchange for value with the world, the more the world values you the more you get back, what tends to happen is that the more you value yourself, the more the rest of the world will tend to agree and value you as well.

Very often as a way of getting into a new company I would offer to work for free, as I knew my worth, I changed my thought and just thought about working there and enjoying it before I even thought about the money, very often it worked out better than, than what was being offered anyway, as they seen my added value.

So start by valuing yourself because you’re worth it!

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

Now write your contract to yourself like this below

My “Contract for Change” with myself

I, …………………………………………………… take personal responsibility

for creating change within my life. I will begin the PROJECT(S) called

……………………………………………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………………………

and formally make a contract with myself to see this project through. I have

listed the benefits of living in the solution and I know who I need to become

to complete this project, and I hereby declare that I will commence living in

the solution and being the person I need to be.

Signed: ………………………………………………………………………

Witnessed: ………………………………………………………………………

Dated: ………………………………………………………………………

You need to see it first, one of the tools I use is

Letter from the Future

Write a letter from the future, describing what your life is like now that you have achieved your goals successfully. Do it for each goal Address it to yourself with the date that it is to be achieved. Tell yourself in detail how your life looks, feels, and who you have become as a person at the time of achieving your goal. Remember to write down what you need in your life as much as you want, Take your time.

By doing this your already setting it up in your mind and letting the universe deliver it.

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

My intuitive life coaching sessions are for the purpose of helping you with any challenges that you may currently have or are facing. I also use my skills and tools to help you help yourself, whether it’s spiritual guidance, relationship advice, employment advice, goal setting, loose weight, overcome fears & phobia’s or just general guidance in life.

I hold a Diploma in Life coaching, have a great track record of assisting my clients achieve their goals, with my experience of business & personal mentoring and industrial relations, I can be that neutral person that can see the issues and challenges with in your personal life or the organisations you run or work with, that you cant see and assist in achieving solutions that can move you in the right direction.

“I love helping people help themselves, to be unsuccessful is not an option, to achieve success is my only goal.” DMcG