This program has been designed from various sources of information gathered by Derek over several years, he uses his skills to assist you in moving forward with your weight loss, using mindfulness, hypnotherapy, counselling, CBT and life coaching skills.
Everyone is different and this is not a diet program, this has been designed to assist you on your weight loss journey.
If you would like more information, please contact Derek McGillivray
Tel 07468119635 or email email@example.com
Dereks motto – Enlightening others to success though life challenges.
Welcome to week one of your six-week weight loss program.
Congratulations on taking this first step towards, not only changing and improving your eating habits and relationships with food, but towards creating a life which is vibrant, energetic and fun. Just by being here you have all made a commitment to change so be proud of yourself – well done. We will not be using weighing scales and what I would like all of you to do this week is to decide how you will measure the success of this program. Will it be:
• Fitting back into an item of clothing / going down a size
• Being able to run a certain distance/play squash again/run upstairs without being out puff
• Re-discovering a zest for life/having more energy
• People commenting on how fantastic you look
• Your general health improving/ knowing that you are stacking all the odds in your favor for a long fruitful fulfilled life.
• Looking fantastic for that special event
Whatever measurement you use it will not be achieved overnight; this program is not a quick fix. If we make small changes that we can maintain then over time our final destination will be a very different place.
‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always got’
My reasons for doing this are:
I will measure its success by:
We all tell ourselves a story about why we cannot lose weight – what story do you have to tell?
Which beliefs do you currently have that have brought you to where you are now?
• I am no good at sticking to anything!
• It is not worth starting anything there are too many social events coming up!
• I always fail at whatever I try!
• My family are all big people and I am just like them!
• I do not deserve to be happier/thinner/fitter!
• I am not really that big!
• I do not care what anyone else thinks!
• I have so much weight to lose, I will never hit my target – so what’s the point!
• I have no willpower!
• I have a low metabolism so I just can’t lose weight!
• I can’t lose weight as I love food too much!
Some of your beliefs and stories will have been told to you as a child, some will be excuses and some will be pay offs. These are known as ‘limiting beliefs’ and one thing is for sure they will be holding you back.
The good news is that we are in control of what we think and believe; therefore, we have the ability to change what we think and believe! Our brain can be compared to a computer that runs software packages, we are able to rewrite the software or completely change the package.
The types of beliefs and thoughts that might serve you better are:
• I am good at seeing things through! • I am determined and always succeed! • I am different to my family! • I deserve anything I want in my life! • I am happy to part with things that are no longer beneficial to me! • People tell me how good I look, and I love it! • My metabolism is not different to anyone else’s! • My willpower is as good as or even better than others! • If I lose weight, I will feel fitter, healthier and sexier! • I can still lose weight and love eating healthy food!
Time to re-adjust my focus Schedule Appointment
We have all been brought up not to lose things or that to lose something is bad:
• If we lose possessions, we are stupid or irresponsible. • If we lose loved ones it hurts forever. • If we lose in business or a competition, we are failures.
Why then would we want to focus on losing something, for example – weight, which we know to be negative and then hope to succeed? Our ability to make something happen by focusing on it is a very powerful tool that we can all utilize.
Some of us will have spent years thinking about food and weight – what we can eat, what we cannot eat, when we should eat and when we should not eat. What we should weigh, how overweight we are. Is it any wonder we spend so much of our day focusing on these things?
How do we shift our focus?
By dismissing some of what we have been focusing on we have now created some space. We can now choose what to fill that space with and focus on new things.
‘Goals are simply dreams with dates’
Do you set yourself goals?
It is essential to set goals as they give us something new to focus on. Writing them down is also important, as in doing so we are far more likely to achieve them.
• If you set goals are, they weight related?
• What other goals could you set?
• Are your goals negative or positive goals?
Set yourself a small goal that you will achieve this week. Start thinking about setting yourself some personal goals. We will be working on them over the next few weeks. Please put together at least a draft format this week.
To create the best goals ever all your goals should be SMART goals. Specific – remember to include every little detail Measurable – how are you going to know you have achieved your goal Achievable – are there any obstacles in your way Realistic – are they possible Timed – when will you achieve this goal
You should be associated with your goal (seeing it through your own eyes) as opposed to disassociated with it (seeing yourself in the picture).
• Goals move you forward. • Short- and medium-term goals are great stepping-stones towards your longer-term ones. • Writing down your goals increases your chances of achieving them. • When you imagine achieving your goals your eyes should light up and you should feel positive.
Coaching Challenge for Week One
• What stories and beliefs do you currently have? • Which stories and beliefs would serve you better? • Which one word do you want to use, from now on, to describe your life?
Would it be: –
Vibrant Energetic Enthusiastic Serene
Fulfilled Passionate Peaceful Harmonious
Or do you have a different positive word?
• How would your life be if you upheld YOUR word in everything you did? • What would you have to change in order to do this? • How would you be different? • What else would be different? • What could hold you back from upholding YOUR word in your life?
Next, list 11 words that you associate with your word. You can do this on paper, in a book or open a file on your computer for all your notes on this program.
Now you should have a list of 12 words including YOUR word. For each word write two actions that you can do immediately, which will bring this word to life.
If the word was smile, things you could do that would make you smile might be:
• Pick up the phone and call someone who you know will make you smile • Get out some old photos or love letters that will bring on that smile.
If the word was energetic, things you could do that are energetic might be:
• Get yourself a skipping rope and skip on the spot. • Take a dog for a brisk walk around the block.
You will end up with 12 words associated with YOUR word and 24 actions to create the essence of that word. You will add to and use these next week. Schedule Appointment
Myths and Facts
‘Unlearn before you start to learn’
Before you start this program, it is essential that we clear some of the confusion around eating and exercise.
Over the past 3 decades the ‘slimming’ industry has become well and truly established. It is a multimillion-pound business thriving on people’s desire to weigh less, look thinner and in a few cases improve their health.
Similarly, we have seen a dramatic increase in the numbers of gyms and fitness centers appearing, closely followed by a boom in the ‘personal training’ market.
But there is a big difference between what the ‘dieting and slimming Industry’ tries to sell you and ‘healthy eating and healthy living’. Take a moment and think of any industry that thrives on people’s failure. If any of the products or diets were successful, then why do people keep coming back to try other diets and different products. The reason is simple! The whole industry is based on myths and this is what we want to dispel and get out of the way.
‘Do diets really work?’
• MYTH – If you reduce your calorie intake to approx. 1200 per day, which is recommended on most ‘diets’, you will lose weight.
• FACT – Low calorie dieting is neither sustainable nor healthy. You may lose weight initially, but then you will plateau, become hungry and eventually put the weight back on. This is because once you reduce your food intake to such a low calorific amount your body no longer relies on YOU to give it a regular, sustainable supply of food and so goes into ‘Starvation’ mode. Whatever you eat from now on gets stored for EMERGENCY supplies rather than being naturally released. And, what’s more, until you body regains confidence in you, it will make what it believes are survival decisions all by itself – to do what it thinks is the right thing – namely to keep you well stocked with energy…… so it becomes very difficult to lose weight long term.
‘You are what you eat’
• MYTH – No matter what I eat, I still put on weight, so I have to cut down on everything.
• FACT – Your body is entirely composed of molecules derived from the food you eat. Newborn babies are the direct result of what their mother ate and indirectly, through genetic material, what their father, grandparents, great grandparents (and so on) ate. From the moment you are born every mouthful of milk you take makes you live and grow. The food we eat is broken down through digestion and absorbed into our blood stream or eliminated in our waste. These chemicals are then used to make our muscles move our body, enable our brains to think and control our body and even allow our reproductive system to start new life. Our whole bodies are built and work because of the food we eat. Literally, you are what you eat!
Inside our bodies we don’t look exactly like the pictures in medical textbook. Like our outward features, our internal organs are all different. We all have different shaped and sized hearts, livers, kidneys and brains. We all have different amounts of chemicals such as enzymes and hormones. We all require different amounts of nutrients. You may need twice the amount of vitamin C to prevent illness than the person next to you, or perhaps hall the amount of vitamin A. The fact is you are unique.
So rather than harboring a bad belief around food which keeps you always looking to cut down, you could cultivate a new approach where you see food as your friend and life giver. As the sessions progresses you’ll see that it is a series of subtle changes to your overall diet and lifestyle – without reductions – that matter most in the long term.
‘Calories or Portions ?
• MYTH – I have to count calories in order to lose weight. • FACT – It is important to be aware of how many portions you are eating rather than the calories in them. A portion, for these purposes, is an amount of food roughly the size of your clenched fist. This is a much simpler and therefore more sustainable way of monitoring what you are eating. You can make a note of how many portions of the different food group you want to eat per day and then stick to it. It is quick and easy and can be done anywhere.
• In a nutshell, you need to treat your body with TLC – you NEED calories/energy to not only survive but to feel positive, happy and ALIVE! Just choose portions and really healthy foods and leave the numbers behind.
‘I have no will power to stop eating’
• MYTH – Overeating is a natural instinct, inherited or even genetic. • FACT – Evolution has let us down here, well coupled with the abundance of food in the western world. Back in the old days, I mean the very old days, when cavemen were hunter gathers and had to hunt their food. It was not unusual to consume vast amounts of food at one time in order to carry you over till the next feast. Our bodies soon learnt to store any excess energy (from the food) as fat until required. Our bodies still store excess fat. The problem is that we no longer have to go more than a few hours without eating so there is an enormous amount of excess energy, which gets stored as fat.
So, although we may have once favored over-eating it is not now needed and we can CHOOSE to eat when our bodies really want or need it.
• MYTH – Three square meals is the best way to eat. • FACT – Eating 3 meals per day or grazing are both absolutely fine. If you’ve always eaten 3 x per day and it suits you, then stick to that and visa versa for grazing. Don’t fight your patterns, instead go with your natural flow. The big question isn’t ‘Which is the best eating option’? It’s ‘WHAT it is you are eating’?
‘I exercise, why should I worry about what I eat?
• MYTH – If you exercise it doesn’t matter what you eat.
• FACT – If you exercise it matters even more what you eat. If you are physically active you will need more nutrients than the ‘couch potato’, without them you will not get the results you desire. You need nutrients in your system in order to perform at an effective level as well as to recover from the exercise. If you do not have a good level of nutrients the exercise will be less effective, you may feel worse for it and you are very likely to throw in the towel and claim that ‘exercise doesn’t work for me!’
‘Women and weightlifting – should we?
• MYTH – Women who lift weights gain too much muscle. • FACT – Resistance work helps create lean toned bodies for women. Ask any body builder how much commitment and hard work it takes to build muscle and you will feel happier that 2 or 3 sessions a week of resistance or weight training will not cause you to ‘bulk up’. Quite the contrary, fat takes up 5 times the space than muscle on your body. Besides, body builders train at very different levels and with different techniques, which are not available to the general public. Therefore, if you were to reduce the amount of fat on your body and build up the amount of muscle you would actually look thinner, leaner and more toned.
Women should be more worried about not having enough muscle rather than having too much. Weightlifting or any weight baring exercise is absolutely vital for women. It is the only way to offset osteoporosis, the sooner you start the better. This way you have more time to build bone density. A good rule of thumb for any resistance training is pick lighter weights and higher repetition. For example, choose a weight that will allow you to repeat the movement between 10 -15 times in one go.
‘Too much exercise can prevent results’
• MYTH – Exercise as long and as often as you can. This way you get more results. • FACT – The most effective workouts are short, intense and very effective. It is important when exercising to stimulate the muscles to burn fat as efficiently as possible. Too much exercise can become boring, too time consuming and anti-social, our minds then switch off and we struggle to do anything at all. Short bursts can give you excellent results, clear the mind and allow you to focus on short-term goals. Ideally, you want to exercise for 20-30 minutes three times per week (and this can include a brisk walk with the dog) and you want to feel that you’ve done some work but that you are not dying on your feet. Ultimately it is consistency that beats intensity every time. For
example, regularly exercising 2-3 times per week at a moderate intensity (explained later) for six months is by far better than intense but sporadic training here and there.
‘Aerobics or Weights?’ • MYTH – Aerobics is better for shaping up than weights.
• FACT – To transform your shape you must train with weights. Any physical activity is far better for you than sitting in an office all day and flopping down in front of a TV all night but to tone up and change shape you have to include some resistance/weight training. Another big benefit of weight training is that it increases your metabolic rate, the rate at which your body burns fat. Muscle requires a supply of energy (calories) in order to exist, fat on the other hand requires no energy at all. Therefore the more muscle you have the more energy will be used (calories burnt), even when you are asleep. Aerobic exercise alone will help you to initially lose weight but not to change shape and look slender and toned. With only aerobics you won’t be able to sustain the benefits, very much like dieting. A combination of aerobic exercise and weight training is the most sustainable and by far the healthiest way of life.
Finally, food not only helps keep you alive but when you consciously move towards healthier choices, food can clear your complexion, give you extra energy, lift your spirits and mood, make your day, help you sleep and de-stress your internal body. So, there is a lot to be gained from learning to love your food again as it can literally change your world.
Now that we have cleared up some of the most popular Myths and Facts you will be able to use the information in the following weeks more efficiently, effectively and see some fantastic results.
Heart & Soul
Many people will walk in and out of your life.
But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart.
In today’s world many things are measured by the speed in which we can perform and deliver them. The expectations upon us grow by the day from employers, employees, partners, children, friends and family. Our lives are so busy with the tasks at hand, our minds so full of the next requirement upon us; we seldom give ourselves any of our own time. It is all to easy to find ourselves without clarity, direction and space as we go from symptom to symptom, reacting to life and allowing ourselves to be taken where life leads us. Schedule Appointment
This section is intended to slow you down, chill you out, incorporate a little fun into your life and make you feel great. When you build some ME time into your life you will find it easier to focus on the really important things, you will be proactive and be able to deal with the cause of an issue and above all you will be back in the driving seat and taking control of your journey.
• Do something each day this week that will show up YOUR word at its best.
• Buy yourself a magazine, take the phone off the hook, put your feet up and read it.
• Imagine that one of the articles held the secret to changing your life for the better, in fact learning to take time out can do that for you.
• Who is the smiliest/happiest person you know – think of them when your smile starts to fade. How would they deal with this situation?
• Send someone special a card to let them know you care.
• Add three drops of lavender to a cup of mineral water and spray it from an atomizer when you need to feel relaxed.
• Only say yes when you really mean it
• Be as forgiving of yourself as you are of other people.
Have a great week, have loads of fun and go make some changes.
Top Tips for Week One
Simple Ways to include Fruit & Vegetable’s each day Ideas for fruit:
• Make yourself a tropical fruit salad all the family can enjoy.
• Have a bowl of strawberries, blueberries and raspberries for breakfast. Add some natural or fruit yoghurt and muesli.
• Try a fruit you’ve never tried before.
• Carry a banana or apple in your bag in case you get hungry when you’re out.
• Have a bowl of fruit in your office.
• Add grapes or orange to a green salad.
• Try eating a different fruit every day of the week.
• Have a glass of juice for breakfast.
• Keep a stock of frozen or tinned fruit (in juice, not syrup)
• If you always get hungry at the same time (e.g. mid-morning), schedule in a snack of dried or fresh fruit.
• Whiz up a smoothie in a blender. Try strawberries, banana and yoghurt with low fat milk.
Ideas for vegetables:
• Go for color. Have as many different colored vegetables in one week as you can.
• Snack on raw vegetables such as carrots, celery, peppers and cucumber.
• Order a side salad every time you eat out but beware the dressing.
• Buy a vegetarian cookbook and try vegetarian meals once or twice a week.
• Make salads interesting. Use crunchy raw vegetables or unusual herbs.
• If you have pizza or pasta, try ones loaded with vegetable and extra tomato sauce.
• Always add salad to sandwiches.
• Don’t forget vegetable soups -homemade or bought.
• Keep the freezer full of frozen vegetables so you always have some in stock.
• Eat broccoli and carrots – they are amazingly full of nutrients.
• Experiment with vegetables you’ve never tried.
• Have an extra portion of vegetables instead of potatoes.
These notes are only guidelines to aid you on your own Spiritual Path, and as with all spiritual work, it is often about finding your own Truth. If you disagree or feel uncomfortable with anything that is suggested here by all means find an alternative Truth that is acceptable to you.
Grounding/Earthen is all about the awareness that we are still in a physical body as well as endeavouring to become spiritual workers and beings.
Why is it so important that we ground/ earth ourselves?
Below you will find a few ways in which being grounded can make such a difference to our everyday life:
• Brings life into matter and to be able to bring our healing abilities into the physical.
• Increases balance and stability in our physical and emotional state.
• Helps bring acceptance that we are here to fulfil a purpose.
• Brings strength.
• Helps in creating a bridge between Spirit and matter.
• Provides an outlet making the release [of energy] easier.
• Allows the attainment of higher Spiritual levels.
As a healer it is very important to keep your patient grounded.
Create waves of love today even when your faced with negativity because of what you do, always send love instead of hate, two wrongs never work, as the saying not knowing is not understanding and not understanding is not knowing. Just be yourself and respect the fact that not everyone understands you. Forgive and send twice as much love as they need it to calm their hate or fears which are false anyway. The truth is we are all created from love and if we shine that love bright it will go where it’s needed!
This information is for you to use if you are meditating, either on your own, or within a group. It is important to understand, that when you are working in the Alpha state, your defences are down in order to receive information from the Higher Self, your Guardian Angel, Guides or helpers.
Whilst we are working in this level, we need an escape route that we can use, if there is an emergency such as a fire, or flood, or anything electrical. The sound of a telephone, or a doorbell, or any sudden loud noise, can cause an immense problem within the solar plexus area, so you will need to know how to deal with any eventuality that may arise.This, of course, is the reason that many mediums will tell you that it is not really a good thing to meditate on your own, unless you are strong enough to deal with shock during meditation.
Also there is the possibility of slipping into trance, and being unable to bring yourself back, but rest assured on this one, that as long as you give yourself instructions to come back after a specified length of time, you will fall into a natural sleep, and awaken normally.
Therefore, I will endeavour to give you some examples of how you can help yourself, so that you will not have to experience this painful discomfort. Obviously, you will have to experiment, to find out which escape route that can be used to your best advantage, or, if none of the following can help, please try an idea, or something of your own that you can feel comfortable with.
1. Just look around behind you, for the lift door, get in and go straight up, knowing that this is a special lift, that heals and awakens you as you go up to the surface. Then be ready immediately to deal with the emergency.
2. Take hold of your Guardian Angel’s hand, and just fly up to the surface. Knowing and trusting that they will do all that is necessary to protect you, and be ready to face whatever emergency is to hand.
3. Bring your bubble of protection around you, and hold it tight, as you lift yourself to the surface, keeping your protection around you, until you become aware, and can deal with whatever is going on.
4. Trust in the Divine Power to protect you, and just float lo the surface, ready to attend to whatever needs to be done. [ this is the one! use for myself]
When I have done a lot of private sessions I find going for a walk and connecting to nature can help to ground myself. the video I made in Skye when in Portree is a good example of this, I also find music can help me to unwind and feel more grounded.
N.B. The best colour to use you choose, is the colour yellow. This is colour brings the energy that your solar plexus needs in times of emergency, otherwise its resources can be depleted, and you can find yourself tired for a day or two afterwards.
These notes are only guidelines to aid you on your own spiritual path, and as with all spiritual work it is often about finding your own Truth. If you disagree or feel uncomfortable with anything that is suggested here, by all means find an alternative Truth, that is acceptable to you.
What is Protection, and why do we need it?
As Human Beings we are all placed on this earth in a physical body. Many of us may choose to do the work of Spirit and therefore become aware that there is much more to life than just a physical body.
As we become in tune with ourselves and those around us we realise that everything and everything is made up of energy.
I am sure that we all have been aware of standing in a queue and feeling uncomfortable as someone steps into our space.
This is them (Sprit) invading our aura [energy field], and if our energy field is unprotected we will pick up on any energy that they may be giving out.
This energy can be both positive and negative, and it is important for us to learn that we can pick up and take on board this energy, especially as we start to develop our intuition and spiritual awareness.
We become more sensitive to the energies that constantly surround us, and then it becomes important to know what we should do, to avoid becoming susceptible to any negativity that we may encounter. The more spiritually aware and intuitive we are, the more sensitive we become, to all the energies around us.
We especially need to be aware, of protecting our energy fields when dealing with other people, as a healer/medium or clairvoyant for example. We need to make sure that we don’t take on any unnecessary emotions/problems that the client may have brought with them.
Being unprotected normally manifests itself within the emotional and spiritual bodies. Below is a list of some symptoms you may feel if your energy field is unprotected.
• Irritable/losing your temper.
• Easily influenced by others.
• Threatened/defensive. •
• Fanatical about someone.
• Feeling other people’s emotions/pain
• Bumping into people.
• Copying or living your life through others.
• On a physical level you can feel pain in the back of your neck, solar plexus [pit of stomach], or wrists.
So how do I build up my protection?
You can build up and protect your own energy in a number of ways. Here are a few easy examples to follow.
• Keep fit and well.
• ·Drink lots of water.
• Wear protective colours -for example gold, silver, violet or blue.
• Wear or carry crystals with a protective quality – for example Amethyst, Lapis Lazuli, Sugilite, Laramar, Gold Tiger’s eye, and Hawks Eye [blue Tigers Eye] Black tourmaline, Hematite for psychic protection.
Wear or use protective symbols -for example The Egyptian Ankh, Rune symbol, Star of David [six-pointed star], Circle, Egg, Pentagram [five-pointed star], especially for Wiccans/Pagans, Pyramid or Cross, Symbols are very personal things, so only wear or carry what feels right for you and what you are comfortable with.
Visualisation – for example, a good exercise is to imagine you are sitting in an egg of light. The base of the egg is sitting just below the floor [so you are grounded] and you are surrounded in your egg by a lovely protective colour [gold, silver, violet or blue]. You can make sure that your egg-shell is solid so that no negative energy can penetrate it. Any negative thoughts/emotions that you may have will not get out, and no negative thoughts/emotions from others will be allowed in. In turn each negative energy or thought pattern will hit the egg-shell and slide down it into the ground to be transmuted into positive energy.
Even when things aren’t perfect or don’t seem to be working out, I choose to trust in life.
Here are some tips to help you deal with life’s challenges, which I hope will enable you to recognise and control common tensions and anxieties. It is my belief that the only way to be able to combat anxiety successfully, is to learn all you can about it and then teach yourself ways of controlling the problems and effects caused by either an anxiety attack or an anxious situation that you find yourself in.
Life Coaching with Hynotherapy can really help with anxieties, together we can get to the root cause and work on soluitions.
These tips are in no particular order and I hope that you will read them all, try them all and then use the ones that you find ‘work for you’:
1. Talk over your worry. Everyone needs to do this at different times in their life. (Choose a friend, relative or professional helper you can trust).
*The magic word here is trust! It is impossible to talk candidly to someone who you feel either does not understand or you don’t trust. If you find someone who you can trust, try to use that trust and friendship to help relieve some of your burdens.*
Some Results: You will have relief from strain and be more able to see what you can do about your problem.
2. Escape from your problem – even if only for a while. (Lose yourself for a while in a change of scene or an interest. There is no merit in “Sticking it out” and suffering).
*As I have mentioned before, I use exercise and music to relax. I also read books and surf the internet. All of these things takes me away from stressful situations and help me get my mind back to a state in which I can deal again with life.*
Some Results: Afterwards, you will be clearer in your mind and able to come back and tackle your problem.
3. use up anger by physical activity. (Channel your anger into a job that needs doing or take a long walk or even play a game).
*Physical exercise is a great way of removing pent up aggression. Please walk away from a potential flash point. It never solves anything and only intensifies your loss as you lose either friends, family or even both. I know it is difficult but self-discipline is the only real option here.*
Some Results: You will “let go” of your anger instead of bottling it up, which causes more tension.
4. Give in to others – occasionally. (This is easier on your nervous system in the long-run and you’re the one who counts. Only children stay obstinate and defiant all the time).
*This is so difficult to do because giving in also implies weakness and submission, both of which are hard things to do. Try this one occasionally and see how you feel! If it is a good feeling then try it again (but not all the time).*
Some Results: You will feel a relief from pressure and develop a stronger sense of maturity.
5. Do something for someone else. (Even a smile or a generous word is a good start. Add to this daily).
* It sounds crazy to do this and you can not see how this will benefit you, right? Well only after you have tried it and done it and continued to for some time can you see the benefits here. But they are worth doing. You do feel more fulfilled and can make friends and build relationships as well.*
Some Results: It will help you to feel less isolated with your worry and start to turn your thoughts outwards.
6. Deal with one thing at a time. (Select the urgent tasks first and get on with them. Forget the rest for the time being. Tension and worry makes even an ordinary day seem unbearable. This need not be a permanent state).
*This is a problem I had. When I worked as a chef offshore if I had work I had to do it all and all by myself. I felt I was indispensable and that no-one could cope without me. I never delegated and nearly had a complete breakdown as a result, as well as losing friends and alienating colleagues in the process.*
Some Results: This will help you achieve something and the other tasks will seem easier when you get around to them.
7. Try not to be a perfectionist in everything. (If you expect too much of yourself all of the time, you can create a constant state of worry and anxiety. So decide which things you do well and put your major efforts into these first).
*Oh boy! This was me. Still is if I let it (but I’m not quite such a compulsive perfectionist now). This is hard and I can not tell you how to change. You need to work this one out and fast. This would be my #1 in this list, so work on this. In the long run it really will help.*
Some Results: You will avoid an open invitation to yourself to fail and probably make life easier for yourself – and others.
8. Try not be to critical of others. (Concentrate on other people and your own good points and try to understand and develop them).
Some Results: You will probably feel frustrated and let-down by yourself and others.
9. Develop co-operation with others. Not competition. (Give the other man a chance. If you are no longer a threat to him, he stops being a threat to you).
*This is true but I guess I never looked at things in such a black & white manner?*
Some Results: You will have less emotional or physical tension over reaching goals (real or imaginary).
10. Make yourself available to others – make the first move occasionally. (Neither push too much or withdraw too much. Feelings of rejection and neglect are very painful but are often self-imposed). *Again this is me. Always wanting to please and feeling very rejected when things turn out differently. I get paranoid and think that people are either laughing at me or avoiding me. I guess I withdraw as an automatic protective manner.*
Some Results: At least you will know you’ve made an effort and this will build your confidence.
11. Plan your recreation time. However short. (Allow some time for a hobby or recreation. Un-planned time often becomes wasted time. Make variety part of the planning).
*This links in nicely with some of the other tips. Try and get involved (if you can) with team sports or activities where there are other people around. I know first hand how hard this is (you will feel so much better about yourself if you can) and I am still struggling to do it myself (remember doing is not quite as easy as knowing). This is a very good tip so try it.*
Some Results: You will return to your work or your problem with a fresher outlook.
12. Learn methods of exercise and relaxation then practice them daily. (You are aiming to be in control of your body and learning how to counteract tension and anxiety).
*The best tip of them all. Sometimes though the hardest to do. It is not easy to relax when you are stressed and tense. It is better to try out different methods when you are not so stressed and tense and then use the ones that really help to relax you when you need them most. I use music and sport. It works for me so try it, what have you got to loose?*
Some Results: You will unlock tension in every part of your body and even prevent tension in the future.
If all else fails use my F bubble meditation a bit dated now but gets the point across.
Don’t waste energy trying to empty your life of worrying things, when you could be filling your life with wholesome things. You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email firstname.lastname@example.org
This blog is about finding that true love, even if you have a loving and caring partner, spread this to someone who’s been suffering from a bad relationship, a loss or have been lonely. Everyone has true love inside them its sharing that love and finding the right person is a journey full of lessons and hurdles to overcome. There is no right or wrong there is just is love.
After some of my own personal challenges with diabetes, where we have to deal with change, fear and sometimes acceptance. Knowing that you could die from hypos or the sugar highs, you soon realize that life has to be lived in the now, you learn to cope with what you can’t change, but we also learn that solutions can be found, if we keep positive, never give up! Give others the chance to help you, and most of all give yourself a chance to help yourself by stopping and taking the time out to look after your own needs and wants. We can’t help others unless we help and support ourselves!
The saying givers gain is true, only if you give back to yourself. If you need help to get the balance back and find that happy medium in your life by putting yourself first, when we take back that control, we are ready to find that true balance in life and hopefully find that true love of an other.
Living on the edge of life, can be inspiring. We can all jump into something without thinking of the consequences but we all have the power within to take a step back from the edge and enjoy the view, we should only jump of the edge when we know it’s right and we have a parachute to soften the landing, so we can also enjoy the journey on the way down. This is me at the top of a hill in front of Ben Nevis where a lot of folk jump of in a parachute, made me think about my life and how nice it would be to take a risk again when i was getting over a relationship.
Wild flowers remind us that beautiful things can happen even in hard to grow areas, all they need is a little light and love. Spread some light and love today to those in your life going though the darkest challenges life can bring us at times. When we send it unconditionally with love, they then can see it’s possible to recover and flower again!
This was flowers I was drawn to and took photos of before a reading I did with someone who lost her husband and she was still very young and needed to move forward, a rose is a strong beautiful flower but has thorns that can hurt you. But we still move on!
We can all stand alone on the top of a mountain and look back on the journey there, at times we feel like giving up, we feel the pain, we lack the resources and energy to carry on, then just as you feel you want to give up some stranger you don’t know comes out of the blue and offers you help a drink and bit of food.
Life gives us what we need we just have to learn to receive as well as giving out. We all have mountains to climb some bigger than others, you may have to regroup, think again, go a different route but when you finally achieve it after learning the lessons on the journey there, we then feel we can climb a bigger one and have the strength to reach the top every time.
If we believe in ourselves others will believe in you and help you on your way. Never allow that big mountains in life we climb, to defeat you. Allow yourself the time and energy and most of all the love from others to drive you to the top!
When I was working on the Psychic phone lines on National TV, one of the most common questions was what will my next partner be like? what do you see? The fact that as a psychic, we only see possibilities and options there is never any guarantees, this made me question why so many people fail to learn from past mistakes? What could I do to encourage success in relationships?
The first thing we need to accept is you need to work at it, don’t give up, people change over time, it a constant change, learning and when it works, its beautiful to see and feel.
Your time is very important and as we get older we value our time more!
My time has a value and worth.
My time is given wisely.
My time goes to quick I can’t catch it.
My time is wasted by others.
My time has been lost.
But your time has come and your time is now.
Put down the phone and all the other time consuming devices.
As my time is mine to use not to waste on others who don’t value my time.
Spend time with yourself and listen to yourself, make time today
If your seeing people who waste your time then its time to move on, those who say yes, we will do this and that and don’t, are not worth your time and energy.
Not every woman or man you meet will become a lover, but they could become great friends, who have friends also, that could become a lover. If you keep meeting the same type of partners and it doesn’t work out try going or doing something different, you wont meet your dream partner in your local pub if you been with all the available women/ men and find there not for you.
I was also told by a wise woman,” rejection is gods protection.” so don’t take it to heart.
Ask where can I go?
What type of person do I want to meet?
Where do these people go?
Am I confident at asking people out? If not how can I gain confidence?
Use positive loving affirmations to gain confidence.
I found this tool a few years back and its a useful tool to help in seeking that dream partner.
This tool helps you imagine the qualities of your dream partner. By making a quiz about your dream partner you can create a clear picture of them in their mind.
When you have finished, you will have a list of the qualities you would like in a future partner.
Then, when you meet them – you will be able to recognizethem straight away!
Part II is often the part people overlook.
Replace “He” and “She” below as appropriate.
Part I: Questions To Discover Your Future Partners Qualities
What qualities do you want your potential partner to demonstrate?
Think about your answers to these questions to get some ideas:
“How does he make me feel special?”
“What does she do when I’m sick in bed?”
“How does he show affection?”
“How does he treat me in company when we go out?”
“How does he make me laugh?”
“Her most important quality is …”
“The best thing about him is …”
Question: “How does he treat me in company when we go out?”
Qualities: He is respectful, attentive and kind.
Part II: Your Qualities
Love is not what you get, but what you give.
Harley M Storey
Now write down the qualities you will bring to the relationship.
Part III: Identifying Your Partners Qualities
In Part I you wrote a list of the qualities of your Future Partner.
But when you meet someone, how will you know if they have those qualities?
Now, write down examples of how they will express those qualities and what actions and behavior will demonstrate those qualities.
Question: “How does he treat me in company when we go out?”
Qualities: He is respectful, attentive and kind.
Behavior: He is attentive and considerate to me, and kind to the waitress.”
A card reading is a great fun way to look at your options, whether is a tarot or angel card reading I feel it does help to make your mind up.
Life is full of choices, we can choose to remain positive though the tough times and find the strength to carry on, by doing so we encourage others to do the same. We can all remain positive and find that belief in ourselves that nothing stays the same and your time will come, if we keep dreaming of a positive outcome in time that dream will come true!
Don’t let life’s challenges, stop you from loving yourself, others can put you down, or make life difficult. We can’t change them as they can only change themselves, but we can top ourselves up of love, if the love has stopped coming as we all made of love ❤️ So stop procrastinating, get that cup of love, breathe and let go of what no longer serves you, anger, hate, etc and think of the new opportunities in the now and ahead, embrace the love inside and keep spreading true love to all!
Be strong and practice the lessons from discernment, be empowered and take the control back from those situations where you have felt used and hurt by others. Discernment is a gift we are given to cope with life’s challenges, use it wisely!
In its simplest definition, discernment is nothing more than the ability to decide between truth and error, right and wrong. Discernment is the process of making careful distinctions in our thinking about truth. In other words, when we feel we are being lead up the garden path, by others, or when false promises are given. That can be in work, personal relationships or false claims by retailers etc.
Discernment is the ability to obtain sharp perceptions or to judge well (or the activity of so doing). In the case of judgment, discernment can be psychological or moral in nature. In the sphere of judgment, discernment involves going past the mere perception of something and making nuanced judgments about its properties or qualities. Considered as a virtue, a discerning individual is considered to possess wisdom, and be of good judgement; especially so with regard to subject matter often overlooked by others.
How does using discernment help you?
In my own life I had to use discernment a few times, where I learnt not to give energy to those who I had once thought were genuine and then was miss lead, I never followed my gut feelings which I regretted at the time, from pyramid marketing scams, to love issues, we have all had that sort of experience at some point in our lives. Sometimes it’s not the persons fault, they may have been miss lead themselves, or in some cases they are ill, so I still practice forgiveness but they have to forgive their actions as they are the ones who caused it.
If we stay in the anger or the hate mode, we only hurt ourselves, we have to let it go, and that to me is what discernment is all about. Letting go of that horrible feeling of being hurt and used, is a part of the healing process.
A lot of my clients come to me after such experiences, from a sudden change in relationships with their partner to being let down by others, even family, and its hard for them to let go and discernment is something we talk about, cutting the cords, not putting energy to such negative behaviours of others is hard, but its a way of letting go, we cant change the other person we can only change the way we feel about them.
As the cards say, we need to pay attention to the red flags, and when we practice discernment, we become free from the emotions and we can then take the control back, its not easy and we can ask friends to help by being with them and doing fun stuff, do a bit of meditating, mindfulness, clear away all the emotions and start with a clean sheet.
A card reading or a life coaching session can help, it helped me when I had to go though hard situation in my life, where its hard to let go. being playful with friends can help. The lesson of discernment is hard and it how you deal with it in the present moment that matters.
To do something different, you do get a different result!
If we send Love and healing to them as they need it more than you, we change the way we feel, I remember once at a union meeting with the Oil companies and I really felt annoyed and frustrated with one of the main company directors who had lead us down the garden path a few times before, promised reviews and investigations about some of our issues and he did the opposite, one of my colleges from a different union who had been in the miners strike told me never get angry, just send them love as they need it more than you, discern yourself from the anger in that moment, as I remember his talk, I tried sending love instead of raising to his bate and getting worked up.
I went quiet and the thought came into my head, I stood up and said hey “Mr we can agree on something,” he then went away on one of his rants about never being able to agree with a young militant trade unionist, who had shut down the north sea. I kept calm and made a bet with him that we can agree, he then said “OK what can we agree on?” I just said “We can agree to disagree!!”, everyone burst out laughing, we did in fact talk and agree on a way forward, so that lesson of discernment was not easy but very effective that day.
We will never agree with or please everybody, accept that in life, debate your corner calmly and with reasoned debates, agree to disagree but move forward. It’s our differences that make us unique, new ideas or thoughts can bring fear and frustration, when we accept change and work though it together, you learn to appreciate that some changes are for your greater good, life brings us challenges its how we deal with them in the now that matter. To have peace and love in your life learn to compromise and accept change with and open heart. If others cant see that, then practice discernment and don’t look back!
See the solution now, don’t wait for it to come to you, grab the moment and turn it into that special time, where we try a new direction, that could lead you to achieve success. The best plan is one that can be changed to create that victory!
Don’t let negativity close your eyes to the future possibilities! Use the lesson of discernment to achieve the success you deserve.
If you need help to find solutions to your challenges book an appointment and let’s find A Happy Medium to gain success!
As I said in the video the word Discernment has Biblical meaning for those that are interested here it is.
The spiritual gift of discernment is also known as the gift of “discernment of spirits” or “distinguishing between spirits.” The Greek word for the gift of discernment is Diakrisis. The word describes being able to distinguish, discern, judge or appraise a person, statement, situation, or environment. In the New Testament it describes the ability to distinguish between spirits as in 1 Corinthians 12:10, and to discern good and evil as in Hebrews 5:14.
The Holy Spirit gives the gift of discernment to enable certain Christians to clearly recognize and distinguish between the influence of God, Satan, the world, and the flesh in a given situation. The church needs those with this gift to warn believers in times of danger or keep them from being led astray by false teaching. See also I Corinthians 12:10, Acts 5:3-6; 16:16-18; 1 John 4:1.www.ahappymedium.co.uk
Fear of change? In my life I’ve had to come out of comfort zones, enforced change by no fault of my own, life throws you stuff unexpectedly. But when we look back the lessons we learn, the new skills, and the confidence you gain is worth no amount of money, but its worth as much as a pot of gold, plus we gain the strength from within. So if you need to change or accept change, do it with an open mind and embrace the new experiences with a strong heart and a determined positive mind!
I know its not easy to accept change but in order to accept change we have to look at what we do now?
How many of us have got into the habit of waking up and looking at our phones, Facebook, and so on. We don’t allow ourselves time to fully wake up, we get back into that stress fullness behaviour straight away. If we tried just to listen to soft music or to the sounds of nature outside, Kids playing and talking, sitting down to eat a proper breakfast. Not the news and all the heavy stuff on TVs and phones especially if you know you have a busy day ahead at work, why take on the worlds problems as well, when you have your own stuff to deal with, focus on what you can influence on the day.
When we have to have purpose in our life it makes change easier, We have to have a why sometimes.
Ifs it about money or lack of as often change can mean less money, think about this.
Let’s just say Sod it to all our money issues and have no judgement around money and just accepting things as they are.
Money is just an exchange, imagine a world with out money, if what you have to offer is worth enough to other people, then they’ll give you lots of things in return E,G I need flowers in my garden in return or painting done so that’s what my exchange would be I would then have loads of nice colours around me making me happy, which I would value.
We are simply in a constant process of exchange for value with the world, the more the world values you the more you get back, what tends to happen is that the more you value yourself, the more the rest of the world will tend to agree and value you as well.
Very often as a way of getting into a new company I would offer to work for free, as I knew my worth, I changed my thought and just thought about working there and enjoying it before I even thought about the money, very often it worked out better than, than what was being offered anyway, as they seen my added value.
So start by valuing yourself because you’re worth it!
Now write your contract to yourself like this below
My “Contract for Change” with myself
I, …………………………………………………… take personal responsibility
for creating change within my life. I will begin the PROJECT(S) called
and formally make a contract with myself to see this project through. I have
listed the benefits of living in the solution and I know who I need to become
to complete this project, and I hereby declare that I will commence living in
the solution and being the person I need to be.
You need to see it first, one of the tools I use is
Letter from the Future
Write a letter from the future, describing what your life is like now that you have achieved your goals successfully. Do it for each goal Address it to yourself with the date that it is to be achieved. Tell yourself in detail how your life looks, feels, and who you have become as a person at the time of achieving your goal. Remember to write down what you need in your life as much as you want, Take your time.
By doing this your already setting it up in your mind and letting the universe deliver it.
My intuitive life coaching sessions are for the purpose of helping you with any challenges that you may currently have or are facing. I also use my skills and tools to help you help yourself, whether it’s spiritual guidance, relationship advice, employment advice, goal setting, loose weight, overcome fears & phobia’s or just general guidance in life.
I hold a Diploma in Life coaching, have a great track record of assisting my clients achieve their goals, with my experience of business & personal mentoring and industrial relations, I can be that neutral person that can see the issues and challenges with in your personal life or the organisations you run or work with, that you cant see and assist in achieving solutions that can move you in the right direction.
“I love helping people help themselves, to be unsuccessful is not an option, to achieve success is my only goal.” DMcG