This is a great process to go though when you have had enough and need to sort out stuff in your head, The idea or model is taken from Stephen Conveys The 7 habits of highly effective people 1989.
We all have concerns in life some we can influence and some we cant in the present, that can change in time. I have learnt though my own life lessons that we cant always change our concerns, especially in politics or the past, people dying, the meaning of Life and so on …but when we Rewind and slow down, then Review this is a great process to look at when we review what we can influence, before we Re engage in life.
All of us have a wide range of concerns in our lives – our housing, our health, our friends and family, the environment, weight issues, animal rights, sex and drugs and rock and roll, the universe of our concerns can go on and on, there are some things we can influence and some things we can only stay concerned about. we do have a choice.
Now we have a choice about where we focus our attention and energy. Not that I am saying to eat wild mushrooms by the way, as you will go mad and that wont help you, but when we take control and focus on your circles of influence and look at what you can influence, we are then ready to Re engage.
Worry Only About the Problems in Your Circle of Influence.
Once you have had a look and sorted out in your head and divided all the concerns in to circles of concern and circles of influence.
Take a break, go for a walk, chill out. and ask
What really is worth my energy?
Who can I influence?
When can I see them?
How will I approach them?
Let the questions and answers, solutions come into your head. Be relaxed and feel good about the fact your moving forward now.
The author and leadership guru Stephen Covey encourages us to only focus on concerns that we have control over. He outlines the “circle of concerns” as all of the stuff that worries us – and then a smaller “circle of influence” (within the larger “circle of concerns”) that only contains stuff that we can actually control.
His point, of course, is that we should only spend our energy on stuff that we can do something about. Focus only on problems that lie within your “circle of influence.”
That is not an easy thing to do at times, but better that, than giving in to negativity.
We are creative and we all have passions, core values that drive us forward look at the other blogs and use all the tools, tips advice, learn and take action.
Your energy becomes fractured and depleted as you start to obsess over details and situations that are beyond your control. Ultimately your ideas and projects will suffer. So don’t waste time on things and situations you cant change in the present moment, focus on what you can change, Your attitude first to a positive one!
Use only positives in your circle of influence, set some goals to influence what you NEED not just what you WANT and remember enthusiasm attracts, enthusiasm back to you.
Let stop the moaning and be happy today, lets start a happy virus one that is a total pain in the tummy, where we can’t stop laughing. There nothing more infectious than the sound of laughter. Make others smile today!
It gets everywhere! On television and radio, in shops, newspapers and magazines, on the internet and even all the outdoor decorations. We can’t escape it. The holidays are coming!
It seems that everyone else has a wonderful family time…..except me? This a common statement from my clients at this time of year. Is this a fact or opinion?
Perhaps a minority of people are fortunate enough to have a lovely family time. The majority have some good family times mixed with quite a lot of work, stress and financial burden. Family stresses can be greatly exaggerated and become intolerable over the holiday period when everyone is forced to spend time together, trying to keep things cheerful.
For others, it is a very lonely time. A reminder that we are alone, out of contact with, or without family. If we have friends, then they will probably be spending time with their families and have little spare time for us. Everything seems to be closed on the day itself: shops, libraries, cafes and all other meeting points or places where we might be in contact with others.
So what can we do? How can we get through this time?
Maybe even change things so that we can feel better about it. If we change the way we think about it, or change what we do – then we will change the way we feel. If we carry on thinking and doing what we’ve always done, then nothing will change and we will have a miserable holiday time.
Use the an alternative cycle to decide how you can make things better.
My alternative cycle:
How can I think differently?
What can I do differently?
How will I feel if I think/act differently?
Get help speak to others, write down lists of what you could do, even volunteer for a charity and spend time helping others.
Use positive self talk I encourage my clients to use Positive statements.
Positive statements encourage us and help us cope through distressing times. We can say these encouraging words to ourselves and be our own personal coach. We have all survived some very distressing times, and we can use those experiences to encourage us through current difficulties. Examples of coping thoughts might be:
Stop, and breathe.
I can do this.
This will pass.
I can be anxious/angry/sad and still deal with this.
I have done this before, and I can do it again.
This feels bad, it’s a normal body reaction – it will pass.
This feels bad, and feelings are very often wrong.
These are just feelings; they will go away.
This won’t last forever.
Short term pain for long term gain.
I can feel bad and still choose to take a new and healthy direction.
I don’t need to rush, I can take things slowly.
I have survived before, I will survive now.
I feel this way because of my past experiences, but I am safe right now.
It’s okay to feel this way, it’s a normal reaction.
Right now, I am not in danger. Right now, I’m safe.
My mind is not always my friend.
Thoughts are just thoughts – they’re not necessarily true or factual.
This is difficult and uncomfortable, but it’s only temporary.
I can use my coping skills and get through this.
I can learn from this and it will be easier next time.
Keep calm and carry on.
Don’t let the Festive season get you down, be proactive if you need help book a session and I will help you plan and set some new goals to achieve a wonderful Christmas.
Many of us spend a lot of time in the pursuit of happiness, striving towards a goal of a better paid job, greater status, or obtaining the latest possession. An unfulfilled life might mean an unhealthy and unhappy life, but that’s not necessarily the case.
However, lack of meaning and purpose can result in anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.
Lack of Purpose.
There have been, and still are, times when terrible events happen to a community or a country, and our lives are shaken to the core.
What really matters at those times?
We hear about the community spirit of the London Blitz, of that shared purpose of coming together and working towards a common goal, helping others and contributing to the “war effort”.
Modern life can lack that community spirit and togetherness, and we can wander aimlessly through the routine of daily life, looking for something we don’t even know we’re missing.
The Pursuit of Happiness
The pursuit of happiness can lead us to feel stressed, frustrated, depressed, anxious.
Happiness is usually about trying to satisfy our wants and needs – looking towards ourselves, an inward-looking focus.
We can learn from the rich and famous that money, fame and possessions often don’t go hand in hand with happiness.
Search for Meaning
Where are you heading?
Would you start out on a year-long journey to an unknown destination?
Or would you ask questions about the journey, and about the destination?
Finding purpose and fulfilment is more about giving, to others, to the community, to the environment, to the world. We often become more outward focused to find meaning and purpose. In giving, in finding purpose, we find fulfilment and satisfaction, but not necessarily happiness…. although it can be a by-product.
Finding purpose gives us exactly that – a purpose to go on in spite of life circumstances.
Viktor Frankl found meaning and purpose even as a Nazi concentration camp prisoner. He noticed that those fellow prisoners lacking a sense of purpose gave up and died more quickly than those with purpose.
Those with purpose were the people more likely to survive – they looked back on their lives with a sense of satisfaction and looked forward to future achievements. Frankl found his purpose in helping his fellow prisoners to find meaning and purpose, even in those extreme conditions of suffering.
For example, the scientist who decided he wanted to finish his book, and the father who desperately wanted to be reunited with his child (safely) overseas.
Frankl found that even in extreme suffering, we can change the way we think about that situation, to give us a sense of purpose.
Find YOUR purpose
In order to find your purpose, try doing and experiencing different things. Find your passion! You will know when you find it, from how you feel, and that sense of fulfilment and deep satisfaction.
Ask yourself what do you really enjoy doing?
What is your passion? What really inspires you? What are you really skilled at?
What do you want to be remembered for? What do you want to be your legacy?
Be open minded and flexible in how you think about things.
Don’t discount anything! We often have several different purposes, or life values.
For example: Being a good wife and mother, being a writer, being a teacher.
Each one can give you that sense of fulfilment.
Meaning and purpose can change over time.
Ask yourself how important certain aspects of your life are. Which of these (or others) are MOST important to you? Score them on a scale of 0 – 5 with 0 being not at all important, and 5 being most important.
You may find that you have several life values or purposes.
You might find it useful to identify the 1 or 2 that are MOST important to you. Those you feel most passionate about. You have found your life’s purpose!
One of the sites I use to help with my Life coaching clients is
When I do a life coaching session, I ask you what your life purpose is, goals etc and very often my clients get confused and lose their way in life and this is useful to help you find that purpose or goal.
If you need help, book a life coaching session and let me help you find that happy medium in life.
Derek holds Diplomas in Life Coaching, Mindfulness based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) advanced, Past life & this life regression, Hypnotherapy, also hold certificates in Reiki spiritual healing, Advanced & Basic counselling. Is fully insured and follows national operational and ethical guidelines with in the laws of the UK.
Derek is often asked to do Motivational & Spiritual Workshops, Psychic shows and events with music from the past present & future.
His motto is ” Enlightening others to succeed through life’s challenges “
This is a post i did two years ago, though it would be worth sharing again.
Halloween is here again and I wonder if some of you have forgotten where it came from, it is a time I remember my own family culture and I celebrate the fact that we live on, and our love ones sometimes choose this time to come back and see us, that is why according to some we dress up as to scare away the bad spirits.
I have some wonderful memories of Halloween of going out and telling stories or having to sing for treats, the warm fire places and much more and with all this stuff going on with the mad clowns on TV news. I though it be good to remind everyone about the true meaning of Halloween and what its meant to myself, as is its a time I celebrate this wonderful gift I have to help others with a message from loved ones in a healing sense, where I am privileged to act as the medium or the go between, I strongly believe we all can connect and I have some amazing examples and experiences some of which are in this blog. I love doing and going to events at this time, and it should be about fun and celebration that we are always loved and never alone.
Straddling the line between fall and winter, plenty and paucity, life and death, Halloween is a time of celebration and superstition. It is thought to have originated with the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, when people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off roaming ghosts. In the eighth century, Pope Gregory III designated November 1 as a time to honor all saints and martyrs; the holiday, All Saints’ Day, incorporated some of the traditions of Samhain. The evening before was known as All Hallows’ Eve and later Halloween. Over time, Halloween evolved into a secular, community-based event characterized by child-friendly activities such as trick-or-treating. In a number of countries around the world, as the days grow shorter and the nights get colder, people continue to usher in the winter season with gatherings, costumes and sweet treats. Halloween’s origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced sow-in). The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31 they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter.
Derek after a show in Slains Castle theme bar in Aberdeen
On May 13, 609 A.D., Pope Boniface IV dedicated the Pantheon in Rome in honor of all Christian martyrs, and the Catholic feast of All Martyrs Day was established in the Western church. Pope Gregory III (731–741) later expanded the festival to include all saints as well as all martyrs, and moved the observance from May 13 to November 1. By the 9th century the influence of Christianity had spread into Celtic lands, where it gradually blended with and supplanted the older Celtic rites. In 1000 A.D., the church would make November 2 All Souls’ Day, a day to honor the dead. It is widely believed today that the church was attempting to replace the Celtic festival of the dead with a related, but church-sanctioned holiday. All Souls Day was celebrated similarly to Samhain, with big bonfires, parades, and dressing up in costumes as saints, angels and devils. The All Saints Day celebration was also called All-hallows or All-hallowmas (from Middle English Alholowmesse meaning All Saints’ Day) and the night before it, the traditional night of Samhain in the Celtic religion, began to be called All-hallows Eve and, eventually, Halloween.
One of my first strong Mediumship phone reading.
I have had so many wonderful experiences both giving and receiving readings and it always take you by surprise.
The first really moving one I gave was when doing the psychic phone lines when unemployed in 2007 for a short period, I had a call from a woman who was 49 in love with a younger man etc you know the sort of call I was having mostly based on what she would love to do to that young man not the sort of thing I really wanted to hear, but during that call I heard a big bang in my kitchen sink, went thought to see what happen and there was nothing out of place, strange I thought.
I finished of that call and had a think to myself do I want to do this sort of stuff listening to older women’s sexual issues etc you can imagine what was on my mind, but I was unemployed and needed the money, but just as I was going to sign off, the phone went I took the call hoping it was not another Horney women again.
This time the voice was female but sounded sad, I picked up a very young girl in sprit and told the women I had a young girl here, That’s Katie she said, I told her not to tell me anymore, I then felt myself choking and seen a grape in my mind. She confirmed this, as her daughter died at the age of two after she gave her a grape which got stuck in her throat. (Very sad this) I asked her if Katie climbed up into her sink and played in the sink in her kitchen, after that experience earlier where I heard a bang in my kitchen, she confirmed that she loved playing in the sink and would always be making noises, there were lots of other validations, but what got me was the message.
Katie had two brothers and her Mother was now pregnant again, her Dad was in the Gulf with the armed forces. Her Mother was so grief stricken as she gave her the grape that made her choke and felt so guilty that she was very depressed and not spending quality time with her brothers or Dad.
Derek Live on Air
Katie told her though me that it was not her fault, and that her brothers needed their Mum back, she was ok as she was with her Nan, I could feel the grief lift from her Mother. There was a lot more which is personal and also very moving.
To me that made it all worth while that day and also taught me how important the messages from sprit are. Yes I was on the psychic phone lines and I know that there is bad press about these lines but there are genuine psychics and mediums who work on these lines who just want to help.
Wasn’t long after that I ended up on TV working with the Psychic today team on sky Chanel 886 and have appeared in the studios, but remember the law has changed and we are now very restricted by what we can do live on air and that is why just now I am very careful about doing facebook live readings.
Thinking about all those that have lost a loved one and are still grieving, being a medium and a sensitive soul I feel your pain, but I also have the privilege to feel the love and that love never dies. Keep sending love today
Finding your own Spiritual way.
Finding your own way; if anyone had said to me 15 to 20 years ago that I would be doing what I am today I would have said there off their head. Looking back now I had always had gifts but had not realised, very often what stares us in the face we don’t notice, like a smell that is around and we cant figure out why, a certain tobacco smell then you realise that it was your granddad’s pipe tobacco and you think to yourself how can that be? He’s dead
Even this time last year I was drawn to two roses, at a certain time and something told me to take a photo of them.Then a client phoned and asked me if I would do a mediumship reading for her when I got home to Fort William and guess what, her late husband loved roses and I should her the pictures and it brought a tear to her eyes. So keep your eyes open and you never know you may be a similar experience
Wild flowers remind us that beautiful things can happen even in hard to grow areas, all they need is a little light and love.
Spread some light and love today to those in your life going though the darkest challenges life can bring us at times. When we send it unconditionally with love, they then can see it’s possible to recover and flower again!
You have a major problem and can’t think of a way out of it, and then suddenly you get a thought from nowhere with the answer. I have found that most of the friends I have who are developing, have went though some really bad times and had to find that inner strength or self belief from somewhere.
One thing I have learnt you have to find yourself first and understand how you feel about yourself. It’s no use helping others and taking on their problems if you feel unhappy, sad, miserable, frustrated or crazy. You’re just adding to your own problems.
That is why we can empathise with many of our clients as we have been though similar experiences.
What a great feeling it is to help them, help themselves by sharing our experiences, which I think is the best gift to give, and tell you what it costs £0000. The more advanced we get in our mediumship; we can pass on some great learning’s and advice from our loved ones who have passed over plus some great information from the spirit world in general.
Yes we have sometimes to pay for readings from the more advanced mediums but in today’s world how many chat/advice lines do we phone that cost £0.45-£1.50 per min? lots and that’s not the psychic ones, Sprit is always there they don’t have answering machines and days off, there with us 24/7 (that doesn’t mean they watch us in the toilet or in bed etc. I have had some strange questions from clients about that lol)
Its very worthwhile investing your time and a little money in developing your skills, and it’s ok to take a donation or charge for your time when you give a reading, use your judgement. I have given more free readings than paid ones but what I got back in return money could not buy (love)
If I had not been though hard times of loss when I was young working offshore with events like the Piper Alpha, loss of a brother to suicide and so on…. I could in some ways not do what I do, so yes I agree we need to learn, but it is also right to have fun and not feel guilty about it. Halloween gives us an opportunity to do that.
We work hard for the times we can spend lots on ourselves and family, we must learn to receive as well as give. I spent so many years running after folk fighting their battles for them I forgot about me, Ended up in hospital with a slipped disk with a choice have an operation or you will be in a wheel chair for life. I had to sit for 10 days and not move, but boy did that not change my life, and in some ways, the life of others as I took action then to turn it around as we do live in the now, not the past life or in the future. I live for the moment and enjoy it as much as I can good bad or indifferent. I think we should ask for stuff for ourselves and take a break from our lessons and just live for the moment.
Enjoy sailing through your day, be guided by that divine light inside you, give all your troubles to the angels and just breathe and relax today, allow yourself space to think and just be in the moment, find that peace inside and realise you are calm and will overcome your challenges in time but for now I am at peace and feeling that divine love and light!
I discovered that some of my late highland relations also had signs of psychic abilities and that Scotland has a history of mysticism . My great Gran Mary MacKenzie was said to have shown signs of psychic abilities the MacKenzie Clan are linked to the Famous Brahan Seer more info can be found on the Clan wed site www.clan-mackenzie.org.uk
more info cant be got from story a written about this in Chat its fate.
I am not tied to any faith . I do however believe in life after death and the holy spirit I was brought up within the Church of Scotland and continue to attend services in that church I do attend services in other churches.
Being Spiritual does not tie you to a church or a belief it is a way of life.I discovered that some of my late highland relations also had signs of psychic abilities and that Scotland has a history of mysticism . My great Gran Mary MacKenzie was said to have shown signs of psychic abilities the MacKenzie Clan are linked to the Famous Brahan Seer more info can be found on the Clan wed site www.clan-mackenzie.org.uk I have some amazing experiences and I will share some of them here just now.
People have been asking about the Photo on my Facebook and my web site, from March 30th 2012, of me and a hazy image of a dog, there is also a faint image of head and shoulders on the left of the lady in front of me. I never thought when the photo was taken that I would be so amazed, I uploaded the photo straight from my iphone, so folk wouldn’t think I had made it up, that week I had been asking for evidence from the spirit world if what I was feeling and seeing in my mind was true, not that I was questioning it, but I had just started doing more live demonstrations and always get nervous before hand, as I still do now because we have no idea what’s going to happen. So this did give me a lot of confidence to carry on doing demonstrations.
The night the photo was taken, was the first time I’d been to one of Dereks’ shows, although I had seen him for a private reading previously. I had been impressed with his reading for me, and had decided to go to the show to see how it all worked with a crowd. As the evening progressed, I felt very emotional, and was feeling slightly nervous. I don’t know why, as I wasn’t involved in any way. Near the end, Derek said he had a message for me, but it didn’t seem relevant at the time. I had been getting “visions”, and “smells” all night, of things I couldn’t make head nor tail of . Then he hit on the dogs theme….German Shepherds, to be precise! I had a lot of involvement with my sisters’ dogs, over the years. She had German Shepherds since her late teens, and I had looked after them a lot when she was away etc. I had also been the person who buried a couple of them when they died. I laughed to myself about it, and thought no more.
At the end, when I was leaving, I watched a couple of people who I didn’t know, take photos of Derek, standing in front of the seating area. I was drawn to the scene…although there was nothing to see. I eventually left, but found myself hanging back for some reason. I think I was one of the last to leave. I felt a bit sad as I went down the stairs…a feeling I quite often get if I am near the scene of a fatal accident, or if I go back to places I once associate with family and friends who are no longer with me. I threw it of, and went home.
The next day, I still had a feeling of “sadness” about me. I just couldn’t seem to throw it off. A few hours later, I came across a photo on Facebook, one of the audience had taken the night before. Derek was standing looking towards the camera, with a hand out stretched by his side. Looking up towards his hand was a hazy image of what looked to me like a LARGE DOG! I couldn’t believe it. Was this the dog who was communicating with me? The possibilities are endless. I haven’t been able to see Derek in person since, but when I do, I hope for a similar experience. I have worked on my own spiritual development since, but have not reached the level I need to act on my “visions” and feelings I get. I would love to work with Derek, for a while, and further develop my capabilities.
This was my second time going to Derek’s show, Derek and I became friends at his show there was a guy who Derek, had been drawn to and gave him some validations and messages from departed friends, then as he pulled away Derek said he felt two dogs “German Sheppard’s.” And if it meant anything to him, he said it did, after that Derek closed the show but Derek said to me that he did not have a photo for his profile/Facebook etc, so I took his phone and I took a few pictures for Derek. We did not think anything of it, then we went for a few drinks back at the hotel chatting away we both had a look at the photo and couldn’t believe what we were seeing in the photo the picture of the dog. We posted it on Facebook and Kenny commented on it saying it was the dogs. Amazing eh!
Nicola Gemmell .
Wasn’t long after that I did a show in Aberdeen’s Holburn Bar upstairs and this photo was taken. and you can see a lady and other faith images of orbs etc.
This program has been designed from various sources of information gathered by Derek over several years, he uses his skills to assist you in moving forward with your weight loss, using mindfulness, hypnotherapy, counselling, CBT and life coaching skills. Everyone is different and this is not a diet program, this has been designed to assist you on your weight loss journey.
If you would like more information, please contact Derek McGillivray
Tel 07468119635 or email firstname.lastname@example.org
Dereks motto – Enlightening others to success though life challenges.
Welcome to week one of your six-week weight loss program. Congratulations on taking this first step towards, not only changing and improving your eating habits and relationships with food, but towards creating a life which is vibrant, energetic and fun. Just by being here you have all made a commitment to change so be proud of yourself – well done. We will not be using weighing scales and what I would like all of you to do this week is to decide how you will measure the success of this program. Will it be:
• Fitting back into an item of clothing / going down a size • Being able to run a certain distance/play squash again/run upstairs without being out puff • Re-discovering a zest for life/having more energy • People commenting on how fantastic you look • Your general health improving/ knowing that you are stacking all the odds in your favor for a long fruitful fulfilled life. • Looking fantastic for that special event
Whatever measurement you use it will not be achieved overnight; this program is not a quick fix. If we make small changes that we can maintain then over time our final destination will be a very different place.
‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always got’
My reasons for doing this are:
I will measure its success by:
We all tell ourselves a story about why we cannot lose weight – what story do you have to tell? Which beliefs do you currently have that have brought you to where you are now?
• I am no good at sticking to anything! • It is not worth starting anything there are too many social events coming up! • I always fail at whatever I try! • My family are all big people and I am just like them! • I do not deserve to be happier/thinner/fitter! • I am not really that big! • I do not care what anyone else thinks! • I have so much weight to lose, I will never hit my target – so what’s the point! • I have no willpower! • I have a low metabolism so I just can’t lose weight! • I can’t lose weight as I love food too much!
Some of your beliefs and stories will have been told to you as a child, some will be excuses and some will be pay offs. These are known as ‘limiting beliefs’ and one thing is for sure they will be holding you back. The good news is that we are in control of what we think and believe; therefore, we have the ability to change what we think and believe! Our brain can be compared to a computer that runs software packages, we are able to rewrite the software or completely change the package.
The types of beliefs and thoughts that might serve you better are:
• I am good at seeing things through! • I am determined and always succeed! • I am different to my family! • I deserve anything I want in my life! • I am happy to part with things that are no longer beneficial to me! • People tell me how good I look, and I love it! • My metabolism is not different to anyone else’s! • My willpower is as good as or even better than others! • If I lose weight, I will feel fitter, healthier and sexier! • I can still lose weight and love eating healthy food!
Time to re-adjust my focus Schedule Appointment We have all been brought up not to lose things or that to lose something is bad:
• If we lose possessions, we are stupid or irresponsible. • If we lose loved ones it hurts forever. • If we lose in business or a competition, we are failures.
Why then would we want to focus on losing something, for example – weight, which we know to be negative and then hope to succeed? Our ability to make something happen by focusing on it is a very powerful tool that we can all utilize. Some of us will have spent years thinking about food and weight – what we can eat, what we cannot eat, when we should eat and when we should not eat. What we should weigh, how overweight we are. Is it any wonder we spend so much of our day focusing on these things?
How do we shift our focus?
By dismissing some of what we have been focusing on we have now created some space. We can now choose what to fill that space with and focus on new things.
‘Goals are simply dreams with dates’
Do you set yourself goals?
It is essential to set goals as they give us something new to focus on. Writing them down is also important, as in doing so we are far more likely to achieve them.
• If you set goals are, they weight related? • What other goals could you set? • Are your goals negative or positive goals?
Set yourself a small goal that you will achieve this week. Start thinking about setting yourself some personal goals. We will be working on them over the next few weeks. Please put together at least a draft format this week.
To create the best goals ever all your goals should be SMART goals. Specific – remember to include every little detail Measurable – how are you going to know you have achieved your goal Achievable – are there any obstacles in your way Realistic – are they possible Timed – when will you achieve this goal
You should be associated with your goal (seeing it through your own eyes) as opposed to disassociated with it (seeing yourself in the picture).
• Goals move you forward. • Short- and medium-term goals are great stepping-stones towards your longer-term ones. • Writing down your goals increases your chances of achieving them. • When you imagine achieving your goals your eyes should light up and you should feel positive.
Coaching Challenge for Week One
• What stories and beliefs do you currently have? • Which stories and beliefs would serve you better? • Which one word do you want to use, from now on, to describe your life?
Would it be: –
Vibrant Energetic Enthusiastic Serene Fulfilled Passionate Peaceful Harmonious Or do you have a different positive word?
• How would your life be if you upheld YOUR word in everything you did? • What would you have to change in order to do this? • How would you be different? • What else would be different? • What could hold you back from upholding YOUR word in your life?
Next, list 11 words that you associate with your word. You can do this on paper, in a book or open a file on your computer for all your notes on this program. Now you should have a list of 12 words including YOUR word. For each word write two actions that you can do immediately, which will bring this word to life.
For example: If the word was smile, things you could do that would make you smile might be:
• Pick up the phone and call someone who you know will make you smile • Get out some old photos or love letters that will bring on that smile.
If the word was energetic, things you could do that are energetic might be:
• Get yourself a skipping rope and skip on the spot. • Take a dog for a brisk walk around the block.
You will end up with 12 words associated with YOUR word and 24 actions to create the essence of that word. You will add to and use these next week. Schedule Appointment
Myths and Facts
‘Unlearn before you start to learn’
Before you start this program, it is essential that we clear some of the confusion around eating and exercise. Over the past 3 decades the ‘slimming’ industry has become well and truly established. It is a multimillion-pound business thriving on people’s desire to weigh less, look thinner and in a few cases improve their health.
Similarly, we have seen a dramatic increase in the numbers of gyms and fitness centers appearing, closely followed by a boom in the ‘personal training’ market.
But there is a big difference between what the ‘dieting and slimming Industry’ tries to sell you and ‘healthy eating and healthy living’. Take a moment and think of any industry that thrives on people’s failure. If any of the products or diets were successful, then why do people keep coming back to try other diets and different products. The reason is simple! The whole industry is based on myths and this is what we want to dispel and get out of the way.
‘Do diets really work?’
• MYTH – If you reduce your calorie intake to approx. 1200 per day, which is recommended on most ‘diets’, you will lose weight.
• FACT – Low calorie dieting is neither sustainable nor healthy. You may lose weight initially, but then you will plateau, become hungry and eventually put the weight back on. This is because once you reduce your food intake to such a low calorific amount your body no longer relies on YOU to give it a regular, sustainable supply of food and so goes into ‘Starvation’ mode. Whatever you eat from now on gets stored for EMERGENCY supplies rather than being naturally released. And, what’s more, until you body regains confidence in you, it will make what it believes are survival decisions all by itself – to do what it thinks is the right thing – namely to keep you well stocked with energy…… so it becomes very difficult to lose weight long term.
‘You are what you eat’
• MYTH – No matter what I eat, I still put on weight, so I have to cut down on everything.
• FACT – Your body is entirely composed of molecules derived from the food you eat. Newborn babies are the direct result of what their mother ate and indirectly, through genetic material, what their father, grandparents, great grandparents (and so on) ate. From the moment you are born every mouthful of milk you take makes you live and grow. The food we eat is broken down through digestion and absorbed into our blood stream or eliminated in our waste. These chemicals are then used to make our muscles move our body, enable our brains to think and control our body and even allow our reproductive system to start new life. Our whole bodies are built and work because of the food we eat. Literally, you are what you eat!
Inside our bodies we don’t look exactly like the pictures in medical textbook. Like our outward features, our internal organs are all different. We all have different shaped and sized hearts, livers, kidneys and brains. We all have different amounts of chemicals such as enzymes and hormones. We all require different amounts of nutrients. You may need twice the amount of vitamin C to prevent illness than the person next to you, or perhaps hall the amount of vitamin A. The fact is you are unique.
So rather than harboring a bad belief around food which keeps you always looking to cut down, you could cultivate a new approach where you see food as your friend and life giver. As the sessions progresses you’ll see that it is a series of subtle changes to your overall diet and lifestyle – without reductions – that matter most in the long term.
‘Calories or Portions ?
• MYTH – I have to count calories in order to lose weight. • FACT – It is important to be aware of how many portions you are eating rather than the calories in them. A portion, for these purposes, is an amount of food roughly the size of your clenched fist. This is a much simpler and therefore more sustainable way of monitoring what you are eating. You can make a note of how many portions of the different food group you want to eat per day and then stick to it. It is quick and easy and can be done anywhere. • In a nutshell, you need to treat your body with TLC – you NEED calories/energy to not only survive but to feel positive, happy and ALIVE! Just choose portions and really healthy foods and leave the numbers behind.
‘I have no will power to stop eating’
• MYTH – Overeating is a natural instinct, inherited or even genetic. • FACT – Evolution has let us down here, well coupled with the abundance of food in the western world. Back in the old days, I mean the very old days, when cavemen were hunter gathers and had to hunt their food. It was not unusual to consume vast amounts of food at one time in order to carry you over till the next feast. Our bodies soon learnt to store any excess energy (from the food) as fat until required. Our bodies still store excess fat. The problem is that we no longer have to go more than a few hours without eating so there is an enormous amount of excess energy, which gets stored as fat. So, although we may have once favored over-eating it is not now needed and we can CHOOSE to eat when our bodies really want or need it.
• MYTH – Three square meals is the best way to eat. • FACT – Eating 3 meals per day or grazing are both absolutely fine. If you’ve always eaten 3 x per day and it suits you, then stick to that and visa versa for grazing. Don’t fight your patterns, instead go with your natural flow. The big question isn’t ‘Which is the best eating option’? It’s ‘WHAT it is you are eating’?
‘I exercise, why should I worry about what I eat?
• MYTH – If you exercise it doesn’t matter what you eat. • FACT – If you exercise it matters even more what you eat. If you are physically active you will need more nutrients than the ‘couch potato’, without them you will not get the results you desire. You need nutrients in your system in order to perform at an effective level as well as to recover from the exercise. If you do not have a good level of nutrients the exercise will be less effective, you may feel worse for it and you are very likely to throw in the towel and claim that ‘exercise doesn’t work for me!’
‘Women and weightlifting – should we?
• MYTH – Women who lift weights gain too much muscle. • FACT – Resistance work helps create lean toned bodies for women. Ask any body builder how much commitment and hard work it takes to build muscle and you will feel happier that 2 or 3 sessions a week of resistance or weight training will not cause you to ‘bulk up’. Quite the contrary, fat takes up 5 times the space than muscle on your body. Besides, body builders train at very different levels and with different techniques, which are not available to the general public. Therefore, if you were to reduce the amount of fat on your body and build up the amount of muscle you would actually look thinner, leaner and more toned.
Women should be more worried about not having enough muscle rather than having too much. Weightlifting or any weight baring exercise is absolutely vital for women. It is the only way to offset osteoporosis, the sooner you start the better. This way you have more time to build bone density. A good rule of thumb for any resistance training is pick lighter weights and higher repetition. For example, choose a weight that will allow you to repeat the movement between 10 -15 times in one go.
‘Too much exercise can prevent results’
• MYTH – Exercise as long and as often as you can. This way you get more results. • FACT – The most effective workouts are short, intense and very effective. It is important when exercising to stimulate the muscles to burn fat as efficiently as possible. Too much exercise can become boring, too time consuming and anti-social, our minds then switch off and we struggle to do anything at all. Short bursts can give you excellent results, clear the mind and allow you to focus on short-term goals. Ideally, you want to exercise for 20-30 minutes three times per week (and this can include a brisk walk with the dog) and you want to feel that you’ve done some work but that you are not dying on your feet. Ultimately it is consistency that beats intensity every time. For example, regularly exercising 2-3 times per week at a moderate intensity (explained later) for six months is by far better than intense but sporadic training here and there.
‘Aerobics or Weights?’ • MYTH – Aerobics is better for shaping up than weights. • FACT – To transform your shape you must train with weights. Any physical activity is far better for you than sitting in an office all day and flopping down in front of a TV all night but to tone up and change shape you have to include some resistance/weight training. Another big benefit of weight training is that it increases your metabolic rate, the rate at which your body burns fat. Muscle requires a supply of energy (calories) in order to exist, fat on the other hand requires no energy at all. Therefore the more muscle you have the more energy will be used (calories burnt), even when you are asleep. Aerobic exercise alone will help you to initially lose weight but not to change shape and look slender and toned. With only aerobics you won’t be able to sustain the benefits, very much like dieting. A combination of aerobic exercise and weight training is the most sustainable and by far the healthiest way of life.
Finally, food not only helps keep you alive but when you consciously move towards healthier choices, food can clear your complexion, give you extra energy, lift your spirits and mood, make your day, help you sleep and de-stress your internal body. So, there is a lot to be gained from learning to love your food again as it can literally change your world. Now that we have cleared up some of the most popular Myths and Facts you will be able to use the information in the following weeks more efficiently, effectively and see some fantastic results.
Heart & Soul
Many people will walk in and out of your life. But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart.
In today’s world many things are measured by the speed in which we can perform and deliver them. The expectations upon us grow by the day from employers, employees, partners, children, friends and family. Our lives are so busy with the tasks at hand, our minds so full of the next requirement upon us; we seldom give ourselves any of our own time. It is all to easy to find ourselves without clarity, direction and space as we go from symptom to symptom, reacting to life and allowing ourselves to be taken where life leads us. Schedule Appointment
This section is intended to slow you down, chill you out, incorporate a little fun into your life and make you feel great. When you build some ME time into your life you will find it easier to focus on the really important things, you will be proactive and be able to deal with the cause of an issue and above all you will be back in the driving seat and taking control of your journey.
• Do something each day this week that will show up YOUR word at its best. • Buy yourself a magazine, take the phone off the hook, put your feet up and read it. • Imagine that one of the articles held the secret to changing your life for the better, in fact learning to take time out can do that for you. • Who is the smiliest/happiest person you know – think of them when your smile starts to fade. How would they deal with this situation? • Send someone special a card to let them know you care. • Add three drops of lavender to a cup of mineral water and spray it from an atomizer when you need to feel relaxed. • Only say yes when you really mean it • Be as forgiving of yourself as you are of other people.
Have a great week, have loads of fun and go make some changes.
Top Tips for Week One Simple Ways to include Fruit & Vegetable’s each day Ideas for fruit:
• Make yourself a tropical fruit salad all the family can enjoy. • Have a bowl of strawberries, blueberries and raspberries for breakfast. Add some natural or fruit yoghurt and muesli. • Try a fruit you’ve never tried before. • Carry a banana or apple in your bag in case you get hungry when you’re out. • Have a bowl of fruit in your office. • Add grapes or orange to a green salad. • Try eating a different fruit every day of the week. • Have a glass of juice for breakfast. • Keep a stock of frozen or tinned fruit (in juice, not syrup) • If you always get hungry at the same time (e.g. mid-morning), schedule in a snack of dried or fresh fruit. • Whiz up a smoothie in a blender. Try strawberries, banana and yoghurt with low fat milk.
Ideas for vegetables:
• Go for color. Have as many different colored vegetables in one week as you can. • Snack on raw vegetables such as carrots, celery, peppers and cucumber. • Order a side salad every time you eat out but beware the dressing. • Buy a vegetarian cookbook and try vegetarian meals once or twice a week. • Make salads interesting. Use crunchy raw vegetables or unusual herbs. • If you have pizza or pasta, try ones loaded with vegetable and extra tomato sauce. • Always add salad to sandwiches. • Don’t forget vegetable soups -homemade or bought. • Keep the freezer full of frozen vegetables so you always have some in stock. • Eat broccoli and carrots – they are amazingly full of nutrients. • Experiment with vegetables you’ve never tried. • Have an extra portion of vegetables instead of potatoes.
Dealing with rejection can be painful, whether it happens at work, at home, at school or in relationships.
Never allow others negative behaviours to put you off, your goals and dreams, just send them healing in the future as you will achieve great deeds by being positive, determined and loving person you are.
Rejection comes in many forms and it can be tempting to wallow in self-pity and despair when we have been rejected. Fortunately, there are things we can do that can help us handle rejection with dignity and purpose. Everyone experiences rejection – it is what we do in response that determines how we feel about ourselves. Rejection is scary, because it reminds us that we cannot control people and circumstances. Here are a few ideas of things we can do to overcome the rejection blues.
Be Aware of Your Emotions Rejection is a form of loss, creating the sense of losing something we thought we had. Being rejected can feel like an outright violation of our expectations, which is why many of us feel offended when we are rejected. When the rejection is very painful or unexpected, it can be scary, making us feel as though the world we live in is unsafe and malevolent. When things do not go the way we expect, we often feel devastated and powerless, especially if we are very attached to a particular outcome. We can acknowledge our loss, reminding ourselves that our feelings are never unacceptable or wrong, but they are also not entirely true. No matter how extreme or violent our feelings might seem, though, it is important to give ourselves the opportunity to experience them. Anger, sadness and disappointment are all natural responses when dealing with rejection. We can allow for our feelings, whatever they are, without holding onto them. We can let them come, and let them go.
Practice Acceptance When rejection occurs, one of the ways many of us automatically respond is with denial. We may tell ourselves that this is not happening or that this is all a mistake that will soon be corrected. Denial is a mechanism of self-defence. We deny that something unpleasant is happening because the reality is too painful. We can gently correct ourselves by saying, “This is happening, and it will be okay. This does not mean that I am a bad person or that I have done something wrong.”
Talk to Someone You Trust Another common impulse when dealing with rejection is to isolate and to cut ourselves off from support. This is another way that we unconsciously try to protect ourselves from more pain. Many of us equate relationships (revealing ourselves to others in work, love, family and friendships) with the disappointment that sometimes occurs in those relationships.
Take Action and Get Moving It does not matter what we do, only that we take action and get moving. We can do dishes, pay bills, organise or finish up that work report we have been neglecting. Purposeful movement clears the mind of the stagnant energy and negative emotions that hang around when we are dealing with rejection. This is a perfect time to do something we have been putting off.
We are probably thinking, “What’s the use? I will still be miserable, and it will not change the fact that I have been dumped/passed over for that promotion/turned down by my number-one choice for college or school.” We can choose to think about it differently. We can be heartbroken in a messy living room that makes us feel even more miserable, or we can take constructive action that will likely lift our spirits and self-esteem.
Action has a wonderful way of breeding self-confidence and feelings of empowerment. You will feel less like a victim of your circumstances when you take action in an area you can actually control. Though it may sound like torture to suggest cleaning a closet after what feels like the most painful breakup in history the sooner we get moving, the better we will feel.
It is okay to resist for a while. As soon as we are ready, we can give it a try. If it still seems like an insurmountable, useless task, we can make a deal with ourselves to try it out for fifteen minutes. If we want to stop after 15 minutes, we can stop. But we usually find that the momentum of positive, productive energy created in just those 15 minutes is sufficient to make us want to keep going.
Be Kind to Yourself One of the best times to do something nice for ourselves is when we are dealing with rejection. This serves a dual purpose: we get to do something enjoyable, and in so doing, we also prove to ourselves that we are worth the effort and attention. We can buy ourselves a special gift or get a massage, manicure and pedicure. We can set aside a day in the coming week to do whatever we want to do, whether that means browsing in a bookstore all afternoon sipping coffee, or losing ourselves in an art project. Planning ahead for “me” time brings with it the gift of something to look forward to, which makes difficult situations infinitely more bearable.
Be Kind to Someone Else What it does mean, however, is that our thoughts colour our experiences. We have the power to use past success as evidence that future success is possible and, indeed, probable.
Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow. But its purpose is not gratuitous pain. If we have relationships with other people and if we regularly take risks, rejection is inevitable. Like any experience, rejection teaches a valuable lesson that we simply cannot learn any other way. We can always choose to see that value, although it may be difficult at first. Dealing with rejection in one area of life can teach us to deal more gracefully with our next experience of rejection in a completely different area. Lessons like these build on themselves. We can use our past experiences of rejection to make our future experiences less painful.
Whether it is a pet, a relative or a stranger, this strategy is particularly effective for coping with rejection. Focusing on someone else’s needs for a time reminds us that we are not the centre of the universe, and that our disappointments are not as devastating and all-encompassing as we make them out to be. Perhaps someone we love is ill, confined to home or hospital bed. We can ask if there is anything we might help that person with, being grateful for our health and our ability to offer help.
Feeling useful is a fail safe cure for self-pity. We can call a friend and ask how she is, without mentioning or complaining about our circumstances. Take the dog for an extra-long walk, or spend time snuggling with the cat – such small, loving actions centre us, bring us great comfort and remind us that we matter to other beings.
Reaffirm Your Successes Rejection can make us feel as though we are failing, and can even lead us to falsely assume that not only have we failed, we are complete failures. Reminding ourselves of specific successes is a great way to remember our assets and accomplishments during a time when we are tempted to focus only on the negative. By focusing on the positive, we give it power in our minds, in our actions and ultimately in our circumstances. This does not mean that thinking positively will ensure that we never experience disappointment.
If you need help to get back on track book a private session with Derek Book Now! or Email
It always surprises me that practically every client relates to this tool in some way!
Do you feel stressed and harassed during the day, like you’re always doing things to please others rather than yourself?
Do you have problems making decisions about insignificant matters?
Are you unsure about what it is you really want?
Do you find yourself doing things you really don’t want to do and continually acting out of obligation?
Part of being an adult is learning to put the needs of others, such as our children or employer, ahead of ourselves. But we can become so used to doing what we feel we should do, or living by the expectations of others that we lose touch with ourselves.
If we stop listening to our hearts voice, eventually we won’t recognize it. Then we wonder why our life is so dry and un-spontaneous!
We need to re-open the conversation with our heart – to remember how to listen to our heart and not just our head.
Here’s how to recognize your hearts voice:
When you’re feeling stressed or that you feel you have lost your center, ask yourself two questions,
1. “What am I feeling now?”
2. “I would like … ?”
Try to listen to the first thought– which will be from your heart –– not your head which comes in with chatter and rationalizing afterwards.
If the message from your heart is possible and practical – then do it– take a break, call a friend, pop out for a coffee, jump up from your desk and shout “Yes!”.
If this impulse is not realistic– like quitting your job – just note your hearts message until its convenient to follow through, but be careful – this habit is life changing!
Why not try following your heart and doing one spontaneous thing every day?
And … if you really want to be immature and have fun in a boring, “grown up” situation, ask yourself:
These notes are only guidelines to aid you on your own Spiritual Path, and as with all spiritual work, it is often about finding your own Truth. If you disagree or feel uncomfortable with anything that is suggested here by all means find an alternative Truth that is acceptable to you.
Grounding/Earthen is all about the awareness that we are still in a physical body as well as endeavouring to become spiritual workers and beings.
Why is it so important that we ground/ earth ourselves?
Below you will find a few ways in which being grounded can make such a difference to our everyday life:
• Brings life into matter and to be able to bring our healing abilities into the physical.
• Increases balance and stability in our physical and emotional state.
• Helps bring acceptance that we are here to fulfil a purpose.
• Brings strength.
• Helps in creating a bridge between Spirit and matter.
• Provides an outlet making the release [of energy] easier.
• Allows the attainment of higher Spiritual levels.
As a healer it is very important to keep your patient grounded.
Create waves of love today even when your faced with negativity because of what you do, always send love instead of hate, two wrongs never work, as the saying not knowing is not understanding and not understanding is not knowing. Just be yourself and respect the fact that not everyone understands you. Forgive and send twice as much love as they need it to calm their hate or fears which are false anyway. The truth is we are all created from love and if we shine that love bright it will go where it’s needed!
This information is for you to use if you are meditating, either on your own, or within a group. It is important to understand, that when you are working in the Alpha state, your defences are down in order to receive information from the Higher Self, your Guardian Angel, Guides or helpers.
Whilst we are working in this level, we need an escape route that we can use, if there is an emergency such as a fire, or flood, or anything electrical. The sound of a telephone, or a doorbell, or any sudden loud noise, can cause an immense problem within the solar plexus area, so you will need to know how to deal with any eventuality that may arise.This, of course, is the reason that many mediums will tell you that it is not really a good thing to meditate on your own, unless you are strong enough to deal with shock during meditation.
Also there is the possibility of slipping into trance, and being unable to bring yourself back, but rest assured on this one, that as long as you give yourself instructions to come back after a specified length of time, you will fall into a natural sleep, and awaken normally.
Therefore, I will endeavour to give you some examples of how you can help yourself, so that you will not have to experience this painful discomfort. Obviously, you will have to experiment, to find out which escape route that can be used to your best advantage, or, if none of the following can help, please try an idea, or something of your own that you can feel comfortable with.
1. Just look around behind you, for the lift door, get in and go straight up, knowing that this is a special lift, that heals and awakens you as you go up to the surface. Then be ready immediately to deal with the emergency.
2. Take hold of your Guardian Angel’s hand, and just fly up to the surface. Knowing and trusting that they will do all that is necessary to protect you, and be ready to face whatever emergency is to hand.
3. Bring your bubble of protection around you, and hold it tight, as you lift yourself to the surface, keeping your protection around you, until you become aware, and can deal with whatever is going on.
4. Trust in the Divine Power to protect you, and just float lo the surface, ready to attend to whatever needs to be done. [ this is the one! use for myself]
When I have done a lot of private sessions I find going for a walk and connecting to nature can help to ground myself. the video I made in Skye when in Portree is a good example of this, I also find music can help me to unwind and feel more grounded.
N.B. The best colour to use you choose, is the colour yellow. This is colour brings the energy that your solar plexus needs in times of emergency, otherwise its resources can be depleted, and you can find yourself tired for a day or two afterwards.
These notes are only guidelines to aid you on your own spiritual path, and as with all spiritual work it is often about finding your own Truth. If you disagree or feel uncomfortable with anything that is suggested here, by all means find an alternative Truth, that is acceptable to you.
What is Protection, and why do we need it?
As Human Beings we are all placed on this earth in a physical body. Many of us may choose to do the work of Spirit and therefore become aware that there is much more to life than just a physical body.
As we become in tune with ourselves and those around us we realise that everything and everything is made up of energy.
I am sure that we all have been aware of standing in a queue and feeling uncomfortable as someone steps into our space.
This is them (Sprit) invading our aura [energy field], and if our energy field is unprotected we will pick up on any energy that they may be giving out.
This energy can be both positive and negative, and it is important for us to learn that we can pick up and take on board this energy, especially as we start to develop our intuition and spiritual awareness.
We become more sensitive to the energies that constantly surround us, and then it becomes important to know what we should do, to avoid becoming susceptible to any negativity that we may encounter. The more spiritually aware and intuitive we are, the more sensitive we become, to all the energies around us.
We especially need to be aware, of protecting our energy fields when dealing with other people, as a healer/medium or clairvoyant for example. We need to make sure that we don’t take on any unnecessary emotions/problems that the client may have brought with them.
Being unprotected normally manifests itself within the emotional and spiritual bodies. Below is a list of some symptoms you may feel if your energy field is unprotected.
• Irritable/losing your temper.
• Easily influenced by others.
• Threatened/defensive. •
• Fanatical about someone.
• Feeling other people’s emotions/pain
• Bumping into people.
• Copying or living your life through others.
• On a physical level you can feel pain in the back of your neck, solar plexus [pit of stomach], or wrists.
So how do I build up my protection?
You can build up and protect your own energy in a number of ways. Here are a few easy examples to follow.
• Keep fit and well.
• ·Drink lots of water.
• Wear protective colours -for example gold, silver, violet or blue.
• Wear or carry crystals with a protective quality – for example Amethyst, Lapis Lazuli, Sugilite, Laramar, Gold Tiger’s eye, and Hawks Eye [blue Tigers Eye] Black tourmaline, Hematite for psychic protection.
Wear or use protective symbols -for example The Egyptian Ankh, Rune symbol, Star of David [six-pointed star], Circle, Egg, Pentagram [five-pointed star], especially for Wiccans/Pagans, Pyramid or Cross, Symbols are very personal things, so only wear or carry what feels right for you and what you are comfortable with.
Visualisation – for example, a good exercise is to imagine you are sitting in an egg of light. The base of the egg is sitting just below the floor [so you are grounded] and you are surrounded in your egg by a lovely protective colour [gold, silver, violet or blue]. You can make sure that your egg-shell is solid so that no negative energy can penetrate it. Any negative thoughts/emotions that you may have will not get out, and no negative thoughts/emotions from others will be allowed in. In turn each negative energy or thought pattern will hit the egg-shell and slide down it into the ground to be transmuted into positive energy.
Even when things aren’t perfect or don’t seem to be working out, I choose to trust in life.
Here are some tips to help you deal with life’s challenges, which I hope will enable you to recognise and control common tensions and anxieties. It is my belief that the only way to be able to combat anxiety successfully, is to learn all you can about it and then teach yourself ways of controlling the problems and effects caused by either an anxiety attack or an anxious situation that you find yourself in.
Life Coaching with Hynotherapy can really help with anxieties, together we can get to the root cause and work on soluitions.
These tips are in no particular order and I hope that you will read them all, try them all and then use the ones that you find ‘work for you’:
1. Talk over your worry. Everyone needs to do this at different times in their life. (Choose a friend, relative or professional helper you can trust).
*The magic word here is trust! It is impossible to talk candidly to someone who you feel either does not understand or you don’t trust. If you find someone who you can trust, try to use that trust and friendship to help relieve some of your burdens.* Some Results: You will have relief from strain and be more able to see what you can do about your problem.
2. Escape from your problem – even if only for a while. (Lose yourself for a while in a change of scene or an interest. There is no merit in “Sticking it out” and suffering).
*As I have mentioned before, I use exercise and music to relax. I also read books and surf the internet. All of these things takes me away from stressful situations and help me get my mind back to a state in which I can deal again with life.* Some Results: Afterwards, you will be clearer in your mind and able to come back and tackle your problem.
3. use up anger by physical activity. (Channel your anger into a job that needs doing or take a long walk or even play a game).
*Physical exercise is a great way of removing pent up aggression. Please walk away from a potential flash point. It never solves anything and only intensifies your loss as you lose either friends, family or even both. I know it is difficult but self-discipline is the only real option here.* Some Results: You will “let go” of your anger instead of bottling it up, which causes more tension.
4. Give in to others – occasionally. (This is easier on your nervous system in the long-run and you’re the one who counts. Only children stay obstinate and defiant all the time).
*This is so difficult to do because giving in also implies weakness and submission, both of which are hard things to do. Try this one occasionally and see how you feel! If it is a good feeling then try it again (but not all the time).* Some Results: You will feel a relief from pressure and develop a stronger sense of maturity.
5. Do something for someone else. (Even a smile or a generous word is a good start. Add to this daily).
* It sounds crazy to do this and you can not see how this will benefit you, right? Well only after you have tried it and done it and continued to for some time can you see the benefits here. But they are worth doing. You do feel more fulfilled and can make friends and build relationships as well.*
Some Results: It will help you to feel less isolated with your worry and start to turn your thoughts outwards.
6. Deal with one thing at a time. (Select the urgent tasks first and get on with them. Forget the rest for the time being. Tension and worry makes even an ordinary day seem unbearable. This need not be a permanent state).
*This is a problem I had. When I worked as a chef offshore if I had work I had to do it all and all by myself. I felt I was indispensable and that no-one could cope without me. I never delegated and nearly had a complete breakdown as a result, as well as losing friends and alienating colleagues in the process.*
Some Results: This will help you achieve something and the other tasks will seem easier when you get around to them.
7. Try not to be a perfectionist in everything. (If you expect too much of yourself all of the time, you can create a constant state of worry and anxiety. So decide which things you do well and put your major efforts into these first).
*Oh boy! This was me. Still is if I let it (but I’m not quite such a compulsive perfectionist now). This is hard and I can not tell you how to change. You need to work this one out and fast. This would be my #1 in this list, so work on this. In the long run it really will help.*
Some Results: You will avoid an open invitation to yourself to fail and probably make life easier for yourself – and others.
8. Try not be to critical of others. (Concentrate on other people and your own good points and try to understand and develop them).
Some Results: You will probably feel frustrated and let-down by yourself and others.
9. Develop co-operation with others. Not competition. (Give the other man a chance. If you are no longer a threat to him, he stops being a threat to you).
*This is true but I guess I never looked at things in such a black & white manner?*
Some Results: You will have less emotional or physical tension over reaching goals (real or imaginary).
10. Make yourself available to others – make the first move occasionally. (Neither push too much or withdraw too much. Feelings of rejection and neglect are very painful but are often self-imposed). *Again this is me. Always wanting to please and feeling very rejected when things turn out differently. I get paranoid and think that people are either laughing at me or avoiding me. I guess I withdraw as an automatic protective manner.*
Some Results: At least you will know you’ve made an effort and this will build your confidence.
11. Plan your recreation time. However short. (Allow some time for a hobby or recreation. Un-planned time often becomes wasted time. Make variety part of the planning).
*This links in nicely with some of the other tips. Try and get involved (if you can) with team sports or activities where there are other people around. I know first hand how hard this is (you will feel so much better about yourself if you can) and I am still struggling to do it myself (remember doing is not quite as easy as knowing). This is a very good tip so try it.*
Some Results: You will return to your work or your problem with a fresher outlook.
12. Learn methods of exercise and relaxation then practice them daily. (You are aiming to be in control of your body and learning how to counteract tension and anxiety).
*The best tip of them all. Sometimes though the hardest to do. It is not easy to relax when you are stressed and tense. It is better to try out different methods when you are not so stressed and tense and then use the ones that really help to relax you when you need them most. I use music and sport. It works for me so try it, what have you got to loose?*
Some Results: You will unlock tension in every part of your body and even prevent tension in the future.
If all else fails use my F bubble meditation a bit dated now but gets the point across.
Don’t waste energy trying to empty your life of worrying things, when you could be filling your life with wholesome things. You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email email@example.com
Lets face it, life can be challenging at times, and its how we deal with the difficult times that matter, we need to find ways of coping with the challenges, this is what I call coping mechanisms.
Life is like a cup of tea, I love to make myself a cup to relax with, it doesn’t matter what cup I make it in, or how I make it, what type of tea bag or flavour, it’s how I make it, sometimes I will try a different tea, it still doesn’t matter what cup I put it in. Life is not the cup and it doesn’t matter how big or small the cup is, it’s still the same tea. Like life it doesn’t matter what you have, it’s your life so enjoy it. Make that tea the best tea you can have!
Over the years I have had many hard situations to deal with, loss of loved ones, loss of jobs, rejection, the list can go on and on. the real success is when we overcome them, by using positive coping mechanisms.
We have to look at what do we do now and ask yourself this?
• When under pressure I ……………………….……………………….
• I often feel guilty about ……………………………………………………….
• When ………………………. happens I stress out and feel like ……………………….
• My Achilles’ heel (greatest weakness) is ……………………….
• I am always trying to stop ……………………..…………. from happening.
• When the unexpected happens I ………………………………………………………..
• I always try to ………………………………………………………..
• The biggest obstacle that stops me loving and approving of myself is ……………….
• What drives most of my behaviour is …………………………………………….
• I am afraid of ………………………………………………………..
• I seek my ……………’s approval (always / mostly / usually / occasionally)
• My most frequent negative / uncomfortable emotion is feeling ………………….
• The feeling I dislike the most is ……………………….
• I need to learn to ………………………………………………………..
Congratulations – that took courage!
Now look at better ways of coping. and do that again until your happy you have better solution’s.
The psychological coping mechanisms are commonly termed coping strategies or coping skills. The term coping generally refers to adaptive (constructive) coping strategies. That is strategies which reduce stress. In contrast, other coping strategies may be coined as maladaptive, if they increase stress. Maladaptive coping is therefore also described, when looking at the outcome, as non-coping. Furthermore, the term coping generally refers to reactive coping, i.e. the coping response which follows the stressor. This differs from proactive coping, in which a coping response aims to neutralize a future stressor. Subconscious or non-conscious strategies (e.g. defense mechanisms) are generally excluded from the area of coping.
The effectiveness of the coping effort depends on: the type of stress, the individual and the circumstances. Coping responses are partly controlled by personality (habitual traits), but also partly by the social environment, particularly the nature of the stressful environment.
Lets look at other options, rather that going to the Pub or having that big fat cake!
We often suffer from anxiety when we are trying to cope and I found these tips a great help from the Real Simple website
You’ve been in bed for an hour now and you still can’t get to sleep. Maybe you’re thinking about your job or health insurance. Perhaps some problem with your kids has your mind spinning on its late-night hamster wheel of worry. Whatever the issue, you can’t get it out of your head, so you try to solve it then and there. Before you know it, another hour has passed. Now you start fretting about the fact that you can’t get to sleep. “I’ll be a wreck tomorrow,” you tell yourself. “I’ve got to sleep now.” Doesn’t do the trick though, does it?
We’ve all been there. But the good news is, there is something you can do to help―something more effective than the usual advice to “be positive” or just “stop thinking so much.” The latest research on anxiety suggests innovative, even odd, techniques for coping successfully with recurrent worries. I’ve seen these work for hundreds of patients. In fact, I’ve found that most people can get a grip on things if they take a few minutes to develop a different relationship with their thoughts and feelings. Here are 10 approaches to try.
1. Repeat your worry until you’re bored silly. If you had a fear of elevators, you’d get rid of it if you rode in one a thousand times in a row. At first, you would be very anxious, then less so, and eventually it would have no effect (except to make you sick of riding in an elevator). So take the troublesome thought that’s nagging at you and say it over and over, silently, slowly, for 20 minutes. It’s hard to keep your mind on a worry if you repeat it that many times. I call this the “boredom cure” for obvious reasons, but it sure beats feeling overwhelmed by anxiety.
2. Make it worse. When you try too hard to control your anxieties, you only heighten them. Instead, exaggerate them and see what happens. For instance, if you fear that your mind will go blank during a presentation, fake it intentionally in the middle of your next one. Say, “Gee, what was I just saying?” Notice how this makes no difference. It’s nothing to worry about, right? I did this at a lecture once and no one raised an eyebrow. (Perhaps they weren’t listening anyway!)
3. Don’t fight the craziness. You may occasionally have thoughts that lead you to think you’ll do something terrible (“I’m attracted to him. Does that mean I’ll have an affair?”) or that you’re going insane (a client of mine who is an attorney kept imagining herself screaming in court). Remember―our minds are creative. Little synapses are firing away at random, and every now and then a “crazy” thought jumps out. Everyone has them. Instead of judging yours, describe it to yourself like it’s a curious object on a shelf and move on.
4. Recognise false alarms. That fear of your house burning down because you left the iron on has never come true. That rapid heart beat doesn’t mean you’re having a heart attack; it’s your body’s natural response to arousal. Many thoughts and sensations that we interpret as cues for concern―even panic―are just background noise. Think of each of them as a fire engine going to another place. You’ve noticed them; now let them pass by.
5. Turn your anxiety into a movie. You can let go of a worry by disconnecting yourself from it. One way is to imagine that your anxious thoughts are a show. Maybe they’re a little guy in a funny hat who tap dances and sings out your worry while you sit in the audience, eating popcorn, a calm observer.6. Set aside worry time. All too often we take a “Crackberry” approach to our worries: They show up unannounced, like constantly dinging e-mails, and we stop everything to address them―even if we should be doing something else. But what if you don’t respond right away? Try setting aside 20 minutes every day―let’s say at 4:30 p.m.―just for your worries. If you are fretting at 10 a.m., jot down the reason and resolve to think it through later. By the time 4:30 comes around, many of your troubles won’t even matter anymore. And you will have spent almost an entire day anxiety-free.
7. Take your hand off the horn. You constantly check the weather before a big outdoor event. You replay that clumsy comment you made, wishing you could take it back. And, yes, you honk your horn in traffic. When you desperately try to take command of things that can’t be controlled, you’re like the swimmer who panics and slaps at the water, screaming. It gets you nowhere. Instead, imagine that you are floating along on the water with your arms spread out, looking up to the sky. It’s a paradox, but when you surrender to the moment, you actually feel far more in control.
8. Breathe it out. You may notice that when your body is tense, you hold your breath. Focusing on breathing is a common but effective technique for calming the nerves. Where is your breath now, and where is your mind? Bring them together. Listen to the movement of your breath. Does your mind wander somewhere else? Call it back. Concentrate only on breathing in and out, beginning and ending, breath to breath, moment to moment.
9. Make peace with time. When you’re a worrier, everything can feel like an emergency. But notice this about all your anxious arousal: It’s temporary. Every feeling of panic comes to an end, every concern eventually wears itself out, every so-called emergency seems to evaporate. Ask yourself, “How will I feel about this in a week or a month?” This one, too, really will pass.
10. Don’t let your worries stop you from living your life. Many of them will turn out to be false, and the consequences of your anxiety―less sleep, a rapid pulse, a little embarrassment―are just inconveniences when it comes down to it. What can you still do even if you feel anxious? Almost anything.
Exercise (running, walking, etc.). Put on fake tattoos. Write (poetry, stories, journal). Scribble/doodle on paper. Be with other people. Watch a favorite TV show. Post on web boards, and answer others’ posts. Go see a movie. Do a wordsearch or crossword. Do schoolwork. Play a musical instrument.
Paint your nails, do your make-up or hair. Sing. Study the sky. Punch a punching bag. Cover yourself with Band-Aids where you want to cut. Let yourself cry. Take a nap (only if you are tired). Take a hot shower or relaxing bath. Play with a pet. Go shopping. Clean something. Knit or sew. Read a good book. Listen to music. Try some aromatherapy (candle, lotion, room spray). Meditate. Go somewhere very public. Bake cookies. Alphabetise your CDs/DVDs/books. Paint or draw. Rip paper into itty-bitty pieces. Shoot hoops, kick a ball. Write a letter or send an email. Plan your dream room (colours/furniture). Hug a pillow or stuffed animal. Hyper-focus on something like a rock, hand, etc. Dance. Make hot chocolate, milkshake or smoothie. Play with modelling clay or Play-Dough. Build a pillow fort. Go for a nice, long drive. Complete something you’ve been putting off. Draw on yourself with a marker. Take up a new hobby. Look up recipes, cook a meal. Look at pretty things, like flowers or art. Create or build something. Pray. Make a list of blessings in your life. Read the Bible. Go to a friend’s house. Jump on a trampoline. Watch an old, happy movie. Contact a hotline/ your therapist. Talk to someone close to you. Ride a bicycle. Feed the ducks, birds, or squirrels. Colour with Crayons. Memorise a poem, play, or song. Stretch. Search for ridiculous things on the internet. “Shop” on-line (without buying anything).
Colour-coordinate your wardrobe. Watch fish. Make a CD/playlist of your favourite songs. Play the “15 minute game.” (Avoid something for 15 minutes, when time is up start again.) Plan your wedding/prom/other event. Plant some seeds. Hunt for your perfect home or car on-line. Try to make as many words out of your full name as possible. Sort through your photographs. Play with a balloon. Give yourself a facial. Find yourself some toys and play. Start collecting something. Play video/computer games. Clean up trash at your local park. Perform a random act of kindness for someone. Text or call an old friend. Write yourself an “I love you because…” letter. Look up new words and use them. Rearrange furniture. Write a letter to someone that you may never send. Smile at least five people. Play with little kids. Go for a walk (with or without a friend). Put a puzzle together. Clean your room /closet. Try to do handstands, cartwheels, or back bends. Yoga. Teach your pet a new trick. Learn a new language. Move EVERYTHING in your room to a new spot. Get together with friends and play Frisbee, soccer or basketball. Hug a friend or family member. Search on-line for new songs/artists. Make a list of goals for the week/month/year/5 years. Face paint.
Don’t get frustrated with life’s challenges!
We can all laugh now and relax. Take that time out and think of better coping strategies for the future. Practice mindfulness and meditated, learn as much as you can, don’t just sit there and be alone.
Build up your emergency care kit and if you need help. feel free to ask, and together we will build up your coping mechanisms and strategies to succeed though life’s challenges.