Dealing with Rejection

Dealing with Rejection

Dealing with rejection can be painful, whether it happens at work, at home, at school or in relationships.


Never allow others negative behaviours to put you off, your goals and dreams, just send them healing in the future as you will achieve great deeds by being positive, determined and loving person you are.


Rejection comes in many forms and it can be tempting to wallow in self-pity and despair when we have been rejected. Fortunately, there are things we can do that can help us handle rejection with dignity and purpose. Everyone experiences rejection – it is what we do in response that determines how we feel about ourselves. Rejection is scary, because it reminds us that we cannot control people and circumstances. Here are a few ideas of things we can do to overcome the rejection blues.

Be Aware of Your Emotions
Rejection is a form of loss, creating the sense of losing something we thought we had. Being rejected can feel like an outright violation of our expectations, which is why many of us feel offended when we are rejected. When the rejection is very painful or unexpected, it can be scary, making us feel as though the world we live in is unsafe and malevolent. When things do not go the way we expect, we often feel devastated and powerless, especially if we are very attached to a particular outcome.
We can acknowledge our loss, reminding ourselves that our feelings are never unacceptable or wrong, but they are also not entirely true. No matter how extreme or violent our feelings might seem, though, it is important to give ourselves the opportunity to experience them. Anger, sadness and disappointment are all natural responses when dealing with rejection. We can allow for our feelings, whatever they are, without holding onto them. We can let them come, and let them go.

Practice Acceptance
When rejection occurs, one of the ways many of us automatically respond is with denial. We may tell ourselves that this is not happening or that this is all a mistake that will soon be corrected. Denial is a mechanism of self-defence. We deny that something unpleasant is happening because the reality is too painful. We can gently correct ourselves by saying, “This is happening, and it will be okay. This does not mean that I am a bad person or that I have done something wrong.”

Talk to Someone You Trust
Another common impulse when dealing with rejection is to isolate and to cut ourselves off from support. This is another way that we unconsciously try to protect ourselves from more pain. Many of us equate relationships (revealing ourselves to others in work, love, family and friendships) with the disappointment that sometimes occurs in those relationships.

Take Action and Get Moving
It does not matter what we do, only that we take action and get moving. We can do dishes, pay bills, organise or finish up that work report we have been neglecting. Purposeful movement clears the mind of the stagnant energy and negative emotions that hang around when we are dealing with rejection. This is a perfect time to do something we have been putting off.

We are probably thinking, “What’s the use? I will still be miserable, and it will not change the fact that I have been dumped/passed over for that promotion/turned down by my number-one choice for college or school.” We can choose to think about it differently. We can be heartbroken in a messy living room that makes us feel even more miserable, or we can take constructive action that will likely lift our spirits and self-esteem.

Action has a wonderful way of breeding self-confidence and feelings of empowerment. You will feel less like a victim of your circumstances when you take action in an area you can actually control. Though it may sound like torture to suggest cleaning a closet after what feels like the most painful breakup in history the sooner we get moving, the better we will feel.

It is okay to resist for a while. As soon as we are ready, we can give it a try. If it still seems like an insurmountable, useless task, we can make a deal with ourselves to try it out for fifteen minutes. If we want to stop after 15 minutes, we can stop. But we usually find that the momentum of positive, productive energy created in just those 15 minutes is sufficient to make us want to keep going.

Be Kind to Yourself
One of the best times to do something nice for ourselves is when we are dealing with rejection. This serves a dual purpose: we get to do something enjoyable, and in so doing, we also prove to ourselves that we are worth the effort and attention. We can buy ourselves a special gift or get a massage, manicure and pedicure. We can set aside a day in the coming week to do whatever we want to do, whether that means browsing in a bookstore all afternoon sipping coffee, or losing ourselves in an art project. Planning ahead for “me” time brings with it the gift of something to look forward to, which makes difficult situations infinitely more bearable.

Be Kind to Someone Else
What it does mean, however, is that our thoughts colour our experiences. We have the power to use past success as evidence that future success is possible and, indeed, probable.

Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow. But its purpose is not gratuitous pain. If we have relationships with other people and if we regularly take risks, rejection is inevitable. Like any experience, rejection teaches a valuable lesson that we simply cannot learn any other way. We can always choose to see that value, although it may be difficult at first. Dealing with rejection in one area of life can teach us to deal more gracefully with our next experience of rejection in a completely different area. Lessons like these build on themselves. We can use our past experiences of rejection to make our future experiences less painful.



Whether it is a pet, a relative or a stranger, this strategy is particularly effective for coping with rejection. Focusing on someone else’s needs for a time reminds us that we are not the centre of the universe, and that our disappointments are not as devastating and all-encompassing as we make them out to be. Perhaps someone we love is ill, confined to home or hospital bed. We can ask if there is anything we might help that person with, being grateful for our health and our ability to offer help.

Feeling useful is a fail safe cure for self-pity. We can call a friend and ask how she is, without mentioning or complaining about our circumstances. Take the dog for an extra-long walk, or spend time snuggling with the cat – such small, loving actions centre us, bring us great comfort and remind us that we matter to other beings.

Reaffirm Your Successes
Rejection can make us feel as though we are failing, and can even lead us to falsely assume that not only have we failed, we are complete failures. Reminding ourselves of specific successes is a great way to remember our assets and accomplishments during a time when we are tempted to focus only on the negative. By focusing on the positive, we give it power in our minds, in our actions and ultimately in our circumstances. This does not mean that thinking positively will ensure that we never experience disappointment.

If you need help to get back on track book a private session with Derek Book Now! or Email

Listen to your heart.

Listen to your heart.

Start listening to your gut feelings and your heart.
It always surprises me that practically every client relates to this tool in some way!
Tool:
  • Do you feel stressed and harassed during the day, like you’re always doing things to please others rather than yourself?
  • Do you have problems making decisions about insignificant matters?
  • Are you unsure about what it is you really want?
  • Do you find yourself doing things you really don’t want to do and continually acting out of obligation?
Part of being an adult is learning to put the needs of others, such as our children or employer, ahead of ourselves. But we can become so used to doing what we feel we should do, or living by the expectations of others that we lose touch with ourselves.
If we stop listening to our hearts voice, eventually we won’t recognize it. Then we wonder why our life is so dry and un-spontaneous!
We need to re-open the conversation with our heart – to remember how to listen to our heart and not just our head.
Here’s how to recognize your hearts voice:
When you’re feeling stressed or that you feel you have lost your center, ask yourself two questions,
1. What am I feeling now?”
2. “I would like … ?”
Try to listen to the first thought – which will be from your heart –– not your head which comes in with chatter and rationalizing afterwards.
If the message from your heart is possible and practical – then do it– take a break, call a friend, pop out for a coffee, jump up from your desk and shout “Yes!”.
If this impulse is not realistic like quitting your job – just note your hearts message until its convenient to follow through, but be careful – this habit is life changing!
Why not try following your heart and doing one spontaneous thing every day?
And … if you really want to be immature and have fun in a boring, “grown up” situation, ask yourself:
What would I do if I was 5?
Bring back the fun into you life today.

Psychic Protection.

Psychic Protection.

You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk

WHAT IS GROUNDING/ EARTHING? 

These notes are only guidelines to aid you on your own Spiritual Path, and as with all spiritual work, it is often about finding your own Truth. If you disagree or feel uncomfortable with anything that is suggested here by all means find an alternative Truth that is acceptable to you.

Grounding/Earthen is all about the awareness that we are still in a physical body as well as endeavouring to become spiritual workers and beings.

Why is it so important that we ground/ earth ourselves?

Below you will find a few ways in which being grounded can make such a difference to our everyday life:

• Brings life into matter and to be able to bring our healing abilities into the physical.

• Increases balance and stability in our physical and emotional state.

• Helps bring acceptance that we are here to fulfil a purpose.

• Brings strength.

• Helps in creating a bridge between Spirit and matter.

• Provides an outlet making the release [of energy] easier.

• Allows the attainment of higher Spiritual levels.

As a healer it is very important to keep your patient grounded.

Create waves of love today even when your faced with negativity because of what you do, always send love instead of hate, two wrongs never work, as the saying not knowing is not understanding and not understanding is not knowing. Just be yourself and respect the fact that not everyone understands you. Forgive and send twice as much love as they need it to calm their hate or fears which are false anyway. The truth is we are all created from love and if we shine that love bright it will go where it’s needed! 

 

If you need help and a chat about developing your Psychic/Spiritual awareness skills book a Spiritual development reading with Derek.

How will I know if I am grounded or ungrounded?

Below is a list of some of the more common symptoms of being ungrounded. Usually each individual will encounter the same one or two symptoms each time they are ungrounded. ·

• Dizziness

• Daydreaming

• A feeling of being “spaced out”.

• Feeling sick.

• Heart palpitations.

• Eyes flickering.

• Weight gain.

• Clumsiness.

• Static shocks.

• Falling asleep when meditating.

• Noise and light sensitive.

• Forgetful.

• Having brilliant ideas that never happen

• Arguing and unable to get your point across.

[ Please note that many of these symptoms can also be linked to the physical] 

 

If you need help and a chat about developing your Psychic/Spiritual awareness skills book a Spiritual development reading with Derek.

ESCAPE ROUTES

This information is for you to use if you are meditating, either on your own, or within a group. It is important to understand, that when you are working in the Alpha state, your defences are down in order to receive information from the Higher Self, your Guardian Angel, Guides or helpers.

Whilst we are working in this level, we need an escape route that we can use, if there is an emergency such as a fire, or flood, or anything electrical. The sound of a telephone, or a doorbell, or any sudden loud noise, can cause an immense problem within the solar plexus area, so you will need to know how to deal with any eventuality that may arise. This, of course, is the reason that many mediums will tell you that it is not really a good thing to meditate on your own, unless you are strong enough to deal with shock during meditation.

Also there is the possibility of slipping into trance, and being unable to bring yourself back, but rest assured on this one, that as long as you give yourself instructions to come back after a specified length of time, you will fall into a natural sleep, and awaken normally.

Therefore, I will endeavour to give you some examples of how you can help yourself, so that you will not have to experience this painful discomfort. Obviously, you will have to experiment, to find out which escape route that can be used to your best advantage, or, if none of the following can help, please try an idea, or something of your own that you can feel comfortable with.

1. Just look around behind you, for the lift door, get in and go straight up, knowing that this is a special lift, that heals and awakens you as you go up to the surface. Then be ready immediately to deal with the emergency.

2. Take hold of your Guardian Angel’s hand, and just fly up to the surface. Knowing and trusting that they will do all that is necessary to protect you, and be ready to face whatever emergency is to hand.

3. Bring your bubble of protection around you, and hold it tight, as you lift yourself to the surface, keeping your protection around you, until you become aware, and can deal with whatever is going on.

4. Trust in the Divine Power to protect you, and just float lo the surface, ready to attend to whatever needs to be done. [ this is the one! use for myself]

 

When I have done a lot of private sessions I find going for a walk and connecting to nature can help to ground myself. the video I made in Skye when in Portree is a good example of this, I also find music can help me to unwind and feel more grounded.

 

N.B. The best colour to use you choose, is the colour yellow. This is colour brings the energy that your solar plexus needs in times of emergency, otherwise its resources can be depleted, and you can find yourself tired for a day or two afterwards.

If you need help and a chat about developing your Psychic/Spiritual awareness skills book a Spiritual development reading with Derek.

WHAT IS PROTECTION?

These notes are only guidelines to aid you on your own spiritual path, and as with all spiritual work it is often about finding your own Truth. If you disagree or feel uncomfortable with anything that is suggested here, by all means find an alternative Truth, that is acceptable to you.

What is Protection, and why do we need it?

As Human Beings we are all placed on this earth in a physical body. Many of us may choose to do the work of Spirit and therefore become aware that there is much more to life than just a physical body.

As we become in tune with ourselves and those around us we realise that everything and everything is made up of energy.

I am sure that we all have been aware of standing in a queue and feeling uncomfortable as someone steps into our space.

This is them (Sprit) invading our aura [energy field], and if our energy field is unprotected we will pick up on any energy that they may be giving out.

You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk

This energy can be both positive and negative, and it is important for us to learn that we can pick up and take on board this energy, especially as we start to develop our intuition and spiritual awareness.

We become more sensitive to the energies that constantly surround us, and then it becomes important to know what we should do, to avoid becoming susceptible to any negativity that we may encounter. The more spiritually aware and intuitive we are, the more sensitive we become, to all the energies around us.

We especially need to be aware, of protecting our energy fields when dealing with other people, as a healer/medium or clairvoyant for example. We need to make sure that we don’t take on any unnecessary emotions/problems that the client may have brought with them.

If you need help and a chat about developing your Psychic/Spiritual awareness skills book a Spiritual development reading with Derek.

How will I know if I am protected or not?

Being unprotected normally manifests itself within the emotional and spiritual bodies. Below is a list of some symptoms you may feel if your energy field is unprotected.

• Irritable/losing your temper.

• Drained.

• Nightmares.

• Easily influenced by others.

• Threatened/defensive. •

• Fanatical about someone.

• Feeling other people’s emotions/pain

• Bumping into people.

• Copying or living your life through others.

• On a physical level you can feel pain in the back of your neck, solar plexus [pit of stomach], or wrists.

So how do I build up my protection?

You can build up and protect your own energy in a number of ways. Here are a few easy examples to follow.

• Keep fit and well.

• ·Drink lots of water.

• Wear protective colours -for example gold, silver, violet or blue.

• Wear or carry crystals with a protective quality – for example Amethyst, Lapis Lazuli, Sugilite, Laramar, Gold Tiger’s eye, and Hawks Eye [blue Tigers Eye] Black tourmaline, Hematite for psychic protection.

You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk

Wear or use protective symbols -for example The Egyptian Ankh, Rune symbol, Star of David [six-pointed star], Circle, Egg, Pentagram [five-pointed star], especially for Wiccans/Pagans, Pyramid or Cross, Symbols are very personal things, so only wear or carry what feels right for you and what you are comfortable with.

Visualisation – for example, a good exercise is to imagine you are sitting in an egg of light. The base of the egg is sitting just below the floor [so you are grounded] and you are surrounded in your egg by a lovely protective colour [gold, silver, violet or blue]. You can make sure that your egg-shell is solid so that no negative energy can penetrate it. Any negative thoughts/emotions that you may have will not get out, and no negative thoughts/emotions from others will be allowed in. In turn each negative energy or thought pattern will hit the egg-shell and slide down it into the ground to be transmuted into positive energy.

If you need help and a chat about developing your Psychic/Spiritual awareness skills book a Spiritual development reading with Derek.

I use crystals and one of the best ones I feel is Black Tourmaline.

Black Tourmaline crystal is a powerful stone for protection against negative energy of all kinds, as well as being a strong spiritual grounding stone.

This is one of the most popular crystals to be used for metaphysical purposes. Many people, and I am amongst this group, believe this is the best protection stone that you can use.

Also known as Schorl, it encourages positive attitudes, good luck and happiness, regardless of the circumstances that you find yourself in.

They are wonderful aids to both the professional healer and the average person who wants a stone that will be a positive force for good in your life, as it creates a positive attitude and mindset.

More info at http://www.healing-crystals-for-you.com/black-tourmaline.html

Feel free to leave comments and any ideas you have.
Derek McGillivray
You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk

12 tips to help you relax & combat life’s challenges with anxiety, stress and worry.

12 tips to help you relax & combat life’s challenges with anxiety, stress and worry.

Even when things aren’t perfect or don’t seem to be working out, I choose to trust in life.

Here are some tips to help you deal with life’s challenges, which I hope will enable you to recognise and control common tensions and anxieties. It is my belief that the only way to be able to combat anxiety successfully, is to learn all you can about it and then teach yourself ways of controlling the problems and effects caused by either an anxiety attack or an anxious situation that you find yourself in.

Life Coaching with Hynotherapy can really help with anxieties, together we can get to the root cause and work on soluitions.

Watch the video and learn new coping strategies

You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk

These tips are in no particular order and I hope that you will read them all, try them all and then use the ones that you find ‘work for you’:

1. Talk over your worry. Everyone needs to do this at different times in their life. (Choose a friend, relative or professional helper you can trust).

*The magic word here is trust! It is impossible to talk candidly to someone who you feel either does not understand or you don’t trust. If you find someone who you can trust, try to use that trust and friendship to help relieve some of your burdens.*
Some Results: You will have relief from strain and be more able to see what you can do about your problem.

2. Escape from your problem – even if only for a while. (Lose yourself for a while in a change of scene or an interest. There is no merit in “Sticking it out” and suffering).

*As I have mentioned before, I use exercise and music to relax. I also read books and surf the internet. All of these things takes me away from stressful situations and help me get my mind back to a state in which I can deal again with life.*
Some Results: Afterwards, you will be clearer in your mind and able to come back and tackle your problem.

3. use up anger by physical activity. (Channel your anger into a job that needs doing or take a long walk or even play a game).

You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk

*Physical exercise is a great way of removing pent up aggression. Please walk away from a potential flash point. It never solves anything and only intensifies your loss as you lose either friends, family or even both. I know it is difficult but self-discipline is the only real option here.*
Some Results: You will “let go” of your anger instead of bottling it up, which causes more tension.

4. Give in to others – occasionally. (This is easier on your nervous system in the long-run and you’re the one who counts. Only children stay obstinate and defiant all the time).

*This is so difficult to do because giving in also implies weakness and submission, both of which are hard things to do. Try this one occasionally and see how you feel! If it is a good feeling then try it again (but not all the time).*
Some Results: You will feel a relief from pressure and develop a stronger sense of maturity.

5. Do something for someone else. (Even a smile or a generous word is a good start. Add to this daily).

* It sounds crazy to do this and you can not see how this will benefit you, right? Well only after you have tried it and done it and continued to for some time can you see the benefits here. But they are worth doing. You do feel more fulfilled and can make friends and build relationships as well.*

Some Results: It will help you to feel less isolated with your worry and start to turn your thoughts outwards.

You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk

6. Deal with one thing at a time. (Select the urgent tasks first and get on with them. Forget the rest for the time being. Tension and worry makes even an ordinary day seem unbearable. This need not be a permanent state).

*This is a problem I had. When I worked as a chef offshore if I had work I had to do it all and all by myself. I felt I was indispensable and that no-one could cope without me. I never delegated and nearly had a complete breakdown as a result, as well as losing friends and alienating colleagues in the process.*

Some Results: This will help you achieve something and the other tasks will seem easier when you get around to them.

7. Try not to be a perfectionist in everything. (If you expect too much of yourself all of the time, you can create a constant state of worry and anxiety. So decide which things you do well and put your major efforts into these first).

*Oh boy! This was me. Still is if I let it (but I’m not quite such a compulsive perfectionist now). This is hard and I can not tell you how to change. You need to work this one out and fast. This would be my #1 in this list, so work on this. In the long run it really will help.*

Some Results: You will avoid an open invitation to yourself to fail and probably make life easier for yourself – and others.

You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk

8. Try not be to critical of others. (Concentrate on other people and your own good points and try to understand and develop them).

Some Results: You will probably feel frustrated and let-down by yourself and others.

9. Develop co-operation with others. Not competition. (Give the other man a chance. If you are no longer a threat to him, he stops being a threat to you).

*This is true but I guess I never looked at things in such a black & white manner?*

Some Results: You will have less emotional or physical tension over reaching goals (real or imaginary).

10. Make yourself available to others – make the first move occasionally. (Neither push too much or withdraw too much. Feelings of rejection and neglect are very painful but are often self-imposed).
*Again this is me. Always wanting to please and feeling very rejected when things turn out differently. I get paranoid and think that people are either laughing at me or avoiding me. I guess I withdraw as an automatic protective manner.*

Some Results: At least you will know you’ve made an effort and this will build your confidence.

11. Plan your recreation time. However short. (Allow some time for a hobby or recreation. Un-planned time often becomes wasted time. Make variety part of the planning).

You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk

*This links in nicely with some of the other tips. Try and get involved (if you can) with team sports or activities where there are other people around. I know first hand how hard this is (you will feel so much better about yourself if you can) and I am still struggling to do it myself (remember doing is not quite as easy as knowing). This is a very good tip so try it.*

Some Results: You will return to your work or your problem with a fresher outlook.

12. Learn methods of exercise and relaxation then practice them daily. (You are aiming to be in control of your body and learning how to counteract tension and anxiety).

*The best tip of them all. Sometimes though the hardest to do. It is not easy to relax when you are stressed and tense. It is better to try out different methods when you are not so stressed and tense and then use the ones that really help to relax you when you need them most. I use music and sport. It works for me so try it, what have you got to loose?*

Some Results: You will unlock tension in every part of your body and even prevent tension in the future.

If all else fails use my F bubble meditation a bit dated now but gets the point across.

 

Don’t waste energy trying to empty your life of worrying things, when you could be filling your life with wholesome things.

You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk



www.ahappymedium.co.uk

 
 

Derek talking about Halloween and his own view on spiritual development

Derek talking about Halloween and his own view on spiritual development

This is a post i did two years ago, though it would be worth sharing again.

Halloween is here again and I wonder if some of you have forgotten where it came from, it is a time I remember my own family culture and I celebrate the fact that we live on, and our love ones sometimes choose this time to come back and see us, that is why according to some we dress up as to scare away the bad spirits.

I have some wonderful memories of Halloween of going out and telling stories or having to sing for treats, the warm fire places and much more and with all this stuff going on with the mad clowns on TV news. I though it be good to remind everyone about the true meaning of Halloween and what its meant to myself, as is its a time I celebrate this wonderful gift I have to help others with a message from loved ones in a healing sense, where I am  privileged to act as the medium or the go between, I strongly believe we all can connect and I have some amazing examples and experiences some of which are in this blog. I love doing and going to events at this time, and it should be about fun and celebration that we are always loved and never alone.

What is Halloween all about?

Info from History Chanel

Straddling the line between fall and winter, plenty and paucity, life and death, Halloween is a time of celebration and superstition. It is thought to have originated with the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, when people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off roaming ghosts. In the eighth century, Pope Gregory III designated November 1 as a time to honor all saints and martyrs; the holiday, All Saints’ Day, incorporated some of the traditions of Samhain. The evening before was known as All Hallows’ Eve and later Halloween. Over time, Halloween evolved into a secular, community-based event characterized by child-friendly activities such as trick-or-treating. In a number of countries around the world, as the days grow shorter and the nights get colder, people continue to usher in the winter season with gatherings, costumes and sweet treats.
Halloween’s origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced sow-in). The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31 they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter.

Derek after a show in Slains Castle theme bar in Aberdeen

On May 13, 609 A.D., Pope Boniface IV dedicated the Pantheon in Rome in honor of all Christian martyrs, and the Catholic feast of All Martyrs Day was established in the Western church. Pope Gregory III (731–741) later expanded the festival to include all saints as well as all martyrs, and moved the observance from May 13 to November 1. By the 9th century the influence of Christianity had spread into Celtic lands, where it gradually blended with and supplanted the older Celtic rites. In 1000 A.D., the church would make November 2 All Souls’ Day, a day to honor the dead. It is widely believed today that the church was attempting to replace the Celtic festival of the dead with a related, but church-sanctioned holiday. All Souls Day was celebrated similarly to Samhain, with big bonfires, parades, and dressing up in costumes as saints, angels and devils. The All Saints Day celebration was also called All-hallows or All-hallowmas (from Middle English Alholowmesse meaning All Saints’ Day) and the night before it, the traditional night of Samhain in the Celtic religion, began to be called All-hallows Eve and, eventually, Halloween.

One of my first strong Mediumship phone reading.

I have had so many wonderful experiences both giving and
receiving readings and it always take you by surprise.
The first really moving one I gave was when doing the
psychic phone lines when unemployed in 2007 for a short period, I had a call from a woman who
was 49 in love with a younger man etc you know the sort of call I was having
mostly based on what she would love to do to that young man not the sort of
thing I really wanted to hear, but during that call I heard a big bang in my
kitchen sink, went thought to see what happen and there was nothing out of
place, strange I thought.
I finished of that call and had a think to myself do I want
to do this sort of stuff listening to older women’s sexual issues etc you can
imagine what was on my mind, but I was unemployed and needed the money, but
just as I was going to sign off, the phone went I took the call hoping it was
not another Horney women again.
This time the voice was female but sounded sad, I picked up
a very young girl in sprit and told the women I had a young girl here, That’s
Katie she said, I told her not to tell me anymore, I then felt myself choking
and seen a grape in my mind. She confirmed this, as her daughter died at the
age of two after she gave her a grape which got stuck in her throat. (Very sad
this) I asked her if Katie climbed up into her sink and played in the sink in
her kitchen, after that experience earlier where I heard a bang in my kitchen,
she confirmed that she loved playing in the sink and would always be making
noises, there were lots of other validations, but what got me was the message.
Katie had two brothers and her Mother was now pregnant again,
her Dad was in the Gulf with the armed forces. Her Mother was so grief stricken
as she gave her the grape that made her choke and felt so guilty that she was
very depressed and not spending quality time with her brothers or Dad.
Derek Live on Air
Katie told her though me that it was not her fault, and that
her brothers needed their Mum back, she was ok as she was with her Nan, I could
feel the grief lift from her Mother. There was a lot more which is personal and
also very moving.
To me that made it all worth while that day and also taught
me how important the messages from sprit are. Yes I was on the psychic phone
lines and I know that there is bad press about these lines but there are
genuine psychics and mediums who work on these lines who just want to help.
Wasn’t long after that I ended up on TV working with the Psychic today team on sky Chanel 886 and have appeared in the studios, but remember the law has changed and we are now very restricted by what we can do live on air and that is why just now I am very careful about doing facebook live readings.

 

Thinking about all those that have lost a loved one and are still grieving, being a medium and a sensitive soul I feel your pain, but I also have the privilege to feel the love and that love never dies. Keep sending love today

Finding your  own Spiritual way.

Finding your own way; if anyone had said to me 15 to 20 years ago that I would be doing what I am today I would have said there off their head. Looking back now I had always had gifts but had not realised, very often what stares us in the face we don’t notice, like a smell that is around and we cant figure out why, a certain tobacco smell then you realise that it was your granddad’s pipe tobacco and you think to yourself how can that be? He’s dead

Even this time last year I was drawn to two roses, at a certain time and something told me to take a photo of them.Then a client phoned and asked me if I would do a mediumship reading for her when I got home to Fort William and guess what,  her late husband loved roses and I should her the pictures and it brought a tear to her eyes. So keep your eyes open and you never know you may be a similar experience

Wild flowers remind us that beautiful things can happen even in hard to grow areas, all they need is a little light and love.
Spread some light and love today to those in your life going though the darkest challenges life can bring us at times. When we send it unconditionally with love, they then can see it’s possible to recover and flower again!
You have a major problem and can’t think of a way out of it, and then suddenly you get a thought from nowhere with the answer. I have found that most of the friends I have who are developing, have went though some really bad times and had to find that inner strength or self belief from somewhere.

One thing I have learnt you have to find yourself first and understand how you feel about yourself. It’s no use helping others and taking on their problems if you feel unhappy, sad, miserable, frustrated or crazy. You’re just adding to your own problems.

 

That is why we can empathise with many of our clients as we have been though similar experiences.

What a great feeling it is to help them, help themselves by sharing our experiences, which I think is the best gift to give, and tell you what it costs £0000. The more advanced we get in our mediumship; we can pass on some great learning’s and advice from our loved ones who have passed over plus some great information from the spirit world in general.

Yes we have sometimes to pay for readings from the more advanced mediums but in today’s world how many chat/advice lines do we phone that cost £0.45-£1.50 per min? lots and that’s not the psychic ones, Sprit is always there they don’t have answering machines and days off, there with us 24/7 (that doesn’t mean they watch us in the toilet or in bed etc. I have had some strange questions from clients about that lol)

Its very worthwhile investing your time and a little money in developing your skills, and it’s ok to take a donation or charge for your time when you give a reading, use your judgement. I have given more free readings than paid ones but what I got back in return money could not buy (love)

If I had not been though hard times of loss when I was young working offshore with events like the Piper Alpha, loss of a brother to suicide and so on…. I could in some ways not do what I do, so yes I agree we need to learn, but it is also right to have fun and not feel guilty about it. Halloween gives us an opportunity to do that.

 

Piper Alpha

We work hard for the times we can spend lots on ourselves and family, we must learn to receive as well as give. I spent so many years running after folk fighting their battles for them I forgot about me, Ended up in hospital with a slipped disk with a choice have an operation or you will be in a wheel chair for life. I had to sit for 10 days and not move, but boy did that not change my life, and in some ways, the life of others as I took action then to turn it around as we do live in the now, not the past life or in the future. I live for the moment and enjoy it as much as I can good bad or indifferent. I think we should ask for stuff for ourselves and take a break from our lessons and just live for the moment.

Enjoy sailing through your day, be guided by that divine light inside you, give all your troubles to the angels and just breathe and relax today, allow yourself space to think and just be in the moment, find that peace inside and realise you are calm and will overcome your challenges in time but for now I am at peace and feeling that divine love and light!

I discovered that some of my late highland relations also had signs of psychic abilities and that Scotland has a history of mysticism . My great Gran Mary MacKenzie was said to have shown signs of psychic abilities the MacKenzie Clan are linked to the Famous Brahan Seer more info can be found on the Clan wed site www.clan-mackenzie.org.uk

more info cant be got from story a written about this in Chat its fate.

Down load here

I am not tied to any faith . I do however believe in life after death and the holy spirit I was brought up within the Church of Scotland and continue to attend services in that church I do attend services in other churches.

Being Spiritual does not tie you to a church or a belief it is a way of life.I discovered that some of my late highland relations also had signs of psychic abilities and that Scotland has a history of mysticism . My great Gran Mary MacKenzie was said to have shown signs of psychic abilities the MacKenzie Clan are linked to the Famous Brahan Seer more info can be found on the Clan wed site www.clan-mackenzie.org.uk
I have some amazing experiences and I will share some of them here just now.

People have been asking about the Photo on my Facebook and
my web site, from March 30th 2012, of me and a hazy image of a dog,
there is also a faint image of head and shoulders on the left of the lady in
front of me. I never thought when the photo was taken that I would be so
amazed, I uploaded the photo straight from my iphone, so folk wouldn’t think I
had made it up, that week I had been asking for evidence from the spirit world
if what I was feeling and seeing in my mind was true, not that I was
questioning it, but I had just started doing more live demonstrations and always
get nervous before hand, as I still do now because we have no idea what’s going
to happen. So this did give me a lot of confidence to carry on doing
demonstrations.

The night the photo was taken, was the first time I’d been to one of Dereks’ shows, although I had seen him for a private reading previously. I had been impressed with his reading for me, and had decided to go to the show to see how it all worked with a crowd. As the evening progressed, I felt very emotional, and was feeling slightly nervous. I don’t know why, as I wasn’t involved in any way. Near the end, Derek said he had a message for me, but it didn’t seem relevant at the time. I had been getting “visions”, and “smells” all night, of things I couldn’t make head nor tail of . Then he hit on the dogs theme….German Shepherds, to be precise! I had a lot of involvement with my sisters’ dogs, over the years. She had German Shepherds since her late teens, and I had looked after them a lot when she was away etc. I had also been the person who buried a couple of them when they died. I laughed to myself about it, and thought no more.

At the end, when I was leaving, I watched a couple of people who I didn’t know, take photos of Derek, standing in front of the seating area. I was drawn to the scene…although there was nothing to see. I eventually left, but found myself hanging back for some reason. I think I was one of the last to leave. I felt a bit sad as I went down the stairs…a feeling I quite often get if I am near the scene of a fatal accident, or if I go back to places I once associate with family and friends who are no longer with me. I threw it of, and went home.

The next day, I still had a feeling of “sadness” about me. I just couldn’t seem to throw it off. A few hours later, I came across a photo on Facebook, one of the audience had taken the night before. Derek was standing looking towards the camera, with a hand out stretched by his side. Looking up towards his hand was a hazy image of what looked to me like a LARGE DOG! I couldn’t believe it. Was this the dog who was communicating with me? The possibilities are endless. I haven’t been able to see Derek in person since, but when I do, I hope for a similar experience. I have worked on my own spiritual development since, but have not reached the level I need to act on my “visions” and feelings I get. I would love to work with Derek, for a while, and further develop my capabilities.

Kenny Gray

This was my second time going to Derek’s show, Derek and I became friends  at his show there was a guy who Derek, had been drawn to and gave him some validations and messages from departed friends, then as he pulled away Derek said he felt two dogs “German Sheppard’s.” And if it meant anything to him, he said it did, after that Derek closed the show but Derek said to me that he did not have a photo for his profile/Facebook etc, so I took his phone and I took a few pictures for Derek. We did not think anything of it, then we went for a few drinks back at the hotel chatting away we both had a look at the photo and couldn’t believe what we were seeing in the photo the picture of the dog. We posted it on Facebook and Kenny commented on it saying it was the dogs. Amazing eh!

Nicola Gemmell .

Wasn’t long after that I did a show in Aberdeen’s Holburn Bar upstairs and this photo was taken. and you can see a lady and other faith images of orbs etc.

Have a great Halloween.

 

Coping with life’s Challenges.

Coping with life’s Challenges.

Coping with life’s Challenges.

 

 

 

Lets face it, life can be challenging at times, and its how we deal with the difficult times that matter, we need to find ways of coping with the challenges, this is what I call coping mechanisms.

 

Life is like a cup of tea, I love to make myself a cup to relax with, it doesn’t matter what cup I make it in, or how I make it, what type of tea bag or flavour, it’s how I make it, sometimes I will try a different tea, it still doesn’t matter what cup I put it in. Life is not the cup and it doesn’t matter how big or small the cup is, it’s still the same tea. Like life it doesn’t matter what you have, it’s your life so enjoy it. Make that tea the best tea you can have!

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

Over the years I have had many hard situations to deal with, loss of loved ones, loss of jobs, rejection, the list can go on and on. the real success is when we overcome them, by using positive coping mechanisms.

We have to look at what do we do now and ask yourself this?

• When under pressure I
……………………….……………………….

• I often feel guilty about
……………………………………………………….
• When ………………………. happens I
stress out and feel like ……………………….
• My Achilles’ heel (greatest
weakness) is ……………………….
• I am always trying to stop
……………………..…………. from happening.
• When the unexpected happens
I ………………………………………………………..
• I always try to
………………………………………………………..
• The biggest obstacle that
stops me loving and approving of myself is ……………….
• What drives most of my behaviour
is …………………………………………….
• I am afraid of
………………………………………………………..
• I seek my ……………’s approval
(always / mostly / usually / occasionally)
• My most frequent negative /
uncomfortable emotion is feeling ………………….
• The feeling I dislike the
most is ……………………….
• I need to learn to
………………………………………………………..

 

Congratulations – that took
courage!
Now look at better ways of coping. and do that again until your happy you have better solution’s.
What are coping mechanisms?

Taken from Wikipedia.

In psychology, coping means to invest own conscious effort, to solve personal and interpersonal problems, in order to try to master, minimize or tolerate stress and conflict.[1][2][3][4][5]

The psychological coping mechanisms are commonly termed coping strategies or coping skills. The term coping generally refers to adaptive (constructive) coping strategies. That is strategies which reduce stress. In contrast, other coping strategies may be coined as maladaptive, if they increase stress. Maladaptive coping is therefore also described, when looking at the outcome, as non-coping. Furthermore, the term coping generally refers to reactive coping, i.e. the coping response which follows the stressor. This differs from proactive coping, in which a coping response aims to neutralize a future stressor. Subconscious or non-conscious strategies (e.g. defense mechanisms) are generally excluded from the area of coping.

The effectiveness of the coping effort depends on: the type of stress, the individual and the circumstances. Coping responses are partly controlled by personality (habitual traits), but also partly by the social environment, particularly the nature of the stressful environment.

Lets look at other options, rather that going to the Pub or having that big fat cake!
We often suffer from anxiety when we are trying to cope and I found these tips a great help from the Real Simple website

You’ve been in bed for an hour now and you still can’t get to sleep. Maybe you’re thinking about your job  or health insurance. Perhaps some problem with your kids has your mind spinning on its late-night hamster wheel of worry. Whatever the issue, you can’t get it out of your head, so you try to solve it then and there. Before you know it, another hour has passed. Now you start fretting about the fact that you can’t get to sleep. “I’ll be a wreck tomorrow,” you tell yourself. “I’ve got to sleep now.” Doesn’t do the trick though, does it?

We’ve all been there. But the good news is, there is something you can do to help―something more effective than the usual advice to “be positive” or just “stop thinking so much.” The latest research on anxiety suggests innovative, even odd, techniques for coping successfully with recurrent worries. I’ve seen these work for hundreds of patients. In fact, I’ve found that most people can get a grip on things if they take a few minutes to develop a different relationship with their thoughts and feelings. Here are 10 approaches to try.

1. Repeat your worry until you’re bored silly. If you had a fear of elevators, you’d get rid of it if you rode in one a thousand times in a row. At first, you would be very anxious, then less so, and eventually it would have no effect (except to make you sick of riding in an elevator). So take the troublesome thought that’s nagging at you and say it over and over, silently, slowly, for 20 minutes. It’s hard to keep your mind on a worry if you repeat it that many times. I call this the “boredom cure” for obvious reasons, but it sure beats feeling overwhelmed by anxiety.

2. Make it worse. When you try too hard to control your anxieties, you only heighten them. Instead, exaggerate them and see what happens. For instance, if you fear that your mind will go blank during a presentation, fake it intentionally in the middle of your next one. Say, “Gee, what was I just saying?” Notice how this makes no difference. It’s nothing to worry about, right? I did this at a lecture once and no one raised an eyebrow. (Perhaps they weren’t listening anyway!)

3. Don’t fight the craziness. You may occasionally have thoughts that lead you to think you’ll do something terrible (“I’m attracted to him. Does that mean I’ll have an affair?”) or that you’re going insane (a client of mine who is an attorney kept imagining herself screaming in court). Remember―our minds are creative. Little synapses are firing away at random, and every now and then a “crazy” thought jumps out. Everyone has them. Instead of judging yours, describe it to yourself like it’s a curious object on a shelf and move on.

4. Recognise false alarms. That fear of your house burning down because you left the iron on has never come true. That rapid heart beat doesn’t mean you’re having a heart attack; it’s your body’s natural response to arousal. Many thoughts and sensations that we interpret as cues for concern―even panic―are just background noise. Think of each of them as a fire engine going to another place. You’ve noticed them; now let them pass by.

5. Turn your anxiety into a movie. You can let go of a worry by disconnecting yourself from it. One way is to imagine that your anxious thoughts are a show. Maybe they’re a little guy in a funny hat who tap dances and sings out your worry while you sit in the audience, eating popcorn, a calm observer.6. Set aside worry time. All too often we take a “Crackberry” approach to our worries: They show up unannounced, like constantly dinging e-mails, and we stop everything to address them―even if we should be doing something else. But what if you don’t respond right away? Try setting aside 20 minutes every day―let’s say at 4:30 p.m.―just for your worries. If you are fretting at 10 a.m., jot down the reason and resolve to think it through later. By the time 4:30 comes around, many of your troubles won’t even matter anymore. And you will have spent almost an entire day anxiety-free.

7. Take your hand off the horn. You constantly check the weather before a big outdoor event. You replay that clumsy comment you made, wishing you could take it back. And, yes, you honk your horn in traffic. When you desperately try to take command of things that can’t be controlled, you’re like the swimmer who panics and slaps at the water, screaming. It gets you nowhere. Instead, imagine that you are floating along on the water with your arms spread out, looking up to the sky. It’s a paradox, but when you surrender to the moment, you actually feel far more in control.

8. Breathe it out. You may notice that when your body is tense, you hold your breath. Focusing on breathing is a common but effective technique for calming the nerves. Where is your breath now, and where is your mind? Bring them together. Listen to the movement of your breath. Does your mind wander somewhere else? Call it back. Concentrate only on breathing in and out, beginning and ending, breath to breath, moment to moment.

9. Make peace with time. When you’re a worrier, everything can feel like an emergency. But notice this about all your anxious arousal: It’s temporary. Every feeling of panic comes to an end, every concern eventually wears itself out, every so-called emergency seems to evaporate. Ask yourself, “How will I feel about this in a week or a month?” This one, too, really will pass.

10. Don’t let your worries stop you from living your life. Many of them will turn out to be false, and the consequences of your anxiety―less sleep, a rapid pulse, a little embarrassment―are just inconveniences when it comes down to it. What can you still do even if you feel anxious? Almost anything.

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

I found these suggestions of coping mechanisms. from your life your voice website

Exercise (running, walking, etc.).
Put on fake tattoos.
Write (poetry, stories, journal).
Scribble/doodle on paper.
Be with other people.
Watch a favorite TV show.
Post on web boards, and answer others’ posts.
Go see a movie.
Do a wordsearch or crossword.
Do schoolwork.
Play a musical instrument.

Paint your nails, do your make-up or hair.
Sing.
Study the sky.
Punch a punching bag.
Cover yourself with Band-Aids where you want to cut.
Let yourself cry.
Take a nap (only if you are tired).
Take a hot shower or relaxing bath.
Play with a pet.
Go shopping.
Clean something.
Knit or sew.
Read a good book.
Listen to music.
Try some aromatherapy (candle, lotion, room spray).
Meditate.
Go somewhere very public.
Bake cookies.
Alphabetise your CDs/DVDs/books.
Paint or draw.
Rip paper into itty-bitty pieces.
Shoot hoops, kick a ball.
Write a letter or send an email.
Plan your dream room (colours/furniture).
Hug a pillow or stuffed animal.
Hyper-focus on something like a rock, hand, etc.
Dance.
Make hot chocolate, milkshake or smoothie.
Play with modelling clay or Play-Dough.
Build a pillow fort.
Go for a nice, long drive.
Complete something you’ve been putting off.
Draw on yourself with a marker.
Take up a new hobby.
Look up recipes, cook a meal.
Look at pretty things, like flowers or art.
Create or build something.
Pray.
Make a list of blessings in your life.
Read the Bible.
Go to a friend’s house.
Jump on a trampoline.
Watch an old, happy movie.
Contact a hotline/ your therapist.
Talk to someone close to you.
Ride a bicycle.
Feed the ducks, birds, or squirrels.
Colour with Crayons.
Memorise a poem, play, or song.
Stretch.
Search for ridiculous things on the internet.
“Shop” on-line (without buying anything).

Colour-coordinate your wardrobe.
Watch fish.
Make a CD/playlist of your favourite songs.
Play the “15 minute game.” (Avoid something for 15 minutes, when time is up start again.)
Plan your wedding/prom/other event.
Plant some seeds.
Hunt for your perfect home or car on-line.
Try to make as many words out of your full name as possible.
Sort through your photographs.
Play with a balloon.
Give yourself a facial.
Find yourself some toys and play.
Start collecting something.
Play video/computer games.
Clean up trash at your local park.
Perform a random act of kindness for someone.
Text or call an old friend.
Write yourself an “I love you because…” letter.
Look up new words and use them.
Rearrange furniture.
Write a letter to someone that you may never send.
Smile at least five people.
Play with little kids.
Go for a walk (with or without a friend).
Put a puzzle together.
Clean your room /closet.
Try to do handstands, cartwheels, or back bends.
Yoga.
Teach your pet a new trick.
Learn a new language.
Move EVERYTHING in your room to a new spot.
Get together with friends and play Frisbee, soccer or basketball.
Hug a friend or family member.
Search on-line for new songs/artists.
Make a list of goals for the week/month/year/5 years.
Face paint.

Don’t get frustrated with life’s challenges!
 
 
​​​We can all laugh now and relax. Take that time out and think of better coping strategies for the future.
Practice mindfulness and meditated, learn as much as you can, don’t just sit there and be alone.

Build up your emergency care kit and if you need help. feel free to ask, and together we will build up your coping mechanisms and strategies to succeed though life’s challenges.

 

 

My Dream Partner

My Dream Partner

My Dream Partner

This blog is about finding that true love, even if you have a loving and caring partner, spread this to someone who’s been suffering from a bad relationship, a loss or have been lonely. Everyone has true love inside them its sharing that love and finding the right person is a journey full of lessons and hurdles to overcome. There is no right or wrong there is just is love.

After some of my own personal challenges with diabetes, where we have to deal with change, fear and sometimes acceptance. Knowing that you could die from hypos or the sugar highs, you soon realize that life has to be lived in the now, you learn to cope with what you can’t change, but we also learn that solutions can be found, if we keep positive, never give up! Give others the chance to help you, and most of all give yourself a chance to help yourself by stopping and taking the time out to look after your own needs and wants. We can’t help others unless we help and support ourselves!

The saying givers gain is true, only if you give back to yourself. If you need help to get the balance back and find that happy medium in your life by putting yourself first, when we take back that control, we are ready to find that true balance in life and hopefully find that true love of an other.

Living on the edge of life, can be inspiring. We can all jump into something without thinking of the consequences but we all have the power within to take a step back from the edge and enjoy the view, we should only jump of the edge when we know it’s right and we have a parachute to soften the landing, so we can also enjoy the journey on the way down. This is me at the top of a hill in front of Ben Nevis where a lot of folk jump of in a parachute, made me think about my life and how nice it would be to take a risk again when i was getting over a relationship.
Wild flowers remind us that beautiful things can happen even in hard to grow areas, all they need is a little light and love.
Spread some light and love today to those in your life going though the darkest challenges life can bring us at times. When we send it unconditionally with love, they then can see it’s possible to recover and flower again!
This was flowers I was drawn to and took photos of before a reading I did with someone who lost her husband and she was still very young and needed to move forward, a rose is a strong beautiful flower but has thorns that can hurt you. But we still move on!

We can all stand alone on the top of a mountain and look back on the journey there, at times we feel like giving up, we feel the pain, we lack the resources and energy to carry on, then just as you feel you want to give up some stranger you don’t know comes out of the blue and offers you help a drink and bit of food. 

Life gives us what we need we just have to learn to receive as well as giving out. We all have mountains to climb some bigger than others, you may have to regroup, think again, go a different route but when you finally achieve it after learning the lessons on the journey there, we then feel we can climb a bigger one and have the strength to reach the top every time.

If we believe in ourselves others will believe in you and help you on your way. Never allow that big mountains in life we climb, to defeat you. Allow yourself the time and energy and most of all the love from others to drive you to the top!

When I was working on the Psychic phone lines on National TV, one of the most common questions was what will my next partner be like? what do you see? The fact that as a psychic, we only see possibilities and options there is never any guarantees, this made me question why so many people fail to learn from past mistakes? What could I do to encourage success in relationships?
The first thing we need to accept is you need to work at it, don’t give up, people change over time, it a constant change, learning and when it works, its beautiful to see and feel.
 Your time is very important and as we get older we value our time more!
My Time
My time has a value and worth.
My time is given wisely.
My time goes to quick I can’t catch it.
My time is wasted by others.
My time has been lost.
But your time has come and your time is now.
Put down the phone and all the other time consuming devices.
As my time is mine to use not to waste on others who don’t value my time.
Spend time with yourself and listen to yourself, make time today
If your seeing people who waste your time then its time to move on, those who say yes, we will do this and that and don’t, are not worth your time and energy.
Not every woman or man you meet will become a lover, but they could become great friends, who have friends also, that could become a lover. If you keep meeting the same type of partners and it doesn’t work out try going or doing something different, you wont meet your dream partner in your local pub if you been with all the available women/ men and find there not for you.
I was also told by a wise woman,” rejection is gods protection.” so don’t take it to heart.
Ask where can I go?
What type of person do I want to meet?
Where do these people go?
Am I confident at asking people out? If  not how can I gain confidence?
Use positive loving affirmations to gain confidence.
Relationship Affirmations
 
I have happy relationships. Positive Daily Affirmations for Relationships
Examples of positive daily affirmations for relationships include:
1. I am a confident and positive person, and confident and positive persons gravitate toward me every day.
2. I know who I obviously am and what I like in personal relationships.
3. I am attracting powerfully positive and healthy people into my life.
4. I am caring, smart, supportive, loyal, and fun to be with.
5. I feel completely at ease and comfortable with all types of people.
6. I am winning in all my relationships.
7. I am a positive and valuable contributor to my relationships.
8. I possess complete ability to articulate my thoughts and feelings to everyone, and I express myself wisely.
If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!
I found this tool a few years back and its a useful tool to help in seeking that dream partner.
This tool helps you imagine the qualities of your dream partner. By making a quiz about your dream partner you can create a clear picture of them in their mind.
When you have finished, you will have a list of the qualities you would like in a future partner.
Then, when you meet them – you will be able to recognize them straight away!
 
Part II is often the part people overlook.
Replace “He” and “She” below as appropriate.
Part I: Questions To Discover Your Future Partners Qualities
What qualities do you want your potential partner to demonstrate?
Think about your answers to these questions to get some ideas:
“How does he make me feel special?”
“What does she do when I’m sick in bed?”
“How does he show affection?”
“How does he treat me in company when we go out?”
“How does he make me laugh?”
“Her most important quality is …”
“The best thing about him is …”
For example:
Question: “How does he treat me in company when we go out?”
Qualities: He is respectful, attentive and kind.
Part II: Your Qualities
Love is not what you get, but what you give.
Harley M Storey

Now write down the qualities you will bring to the relationship.
Part III: Identifying Your Partners Qualities
In Part I you wrote a list of the qualities of your Future Partner.
But when you meet someone, how will you know if they have those qualities?
Now, write down examples of how they will express those qualities and what actions and behavior will demonstrate those qualities.
For example:
Question: “How does he treat me in company when we go out?”
Qualities: He is respectful, attentive and kind.
Behavior: He is attentive and considerate to me, and kind to the waitress.”

A card reading is a great fun way to look at your options, whether is a tarot or angel card reading I feel it does help to make your mind up. 



Life is full of choices, we can choose to remain positive though the tough times and find the strength to carry on, by doing so we encourage others to do the same. We can all remain positive and find that belief in ourselves that nothing stays the same and your time will come, if we keep dreaming of a positive outcome in time that dream will come true!

Don’t let life’s challenges, stop you from loving yourself, others can put you down, or make life difficult. We can’t change them as they can only change themselves, but we can top ourselves up of love, if the love has stopped coming as we all made of love ❤️ So stop procrastinating, get that cup of love, breathe and let go of what no longer serves you, anger, hate, etc and think of the new opportunities in the now and ahead, embrace the love inside and keep spreading true love to all!

If you need help, book a session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

Derek’s Instagram Picture Quotes.

What are Your Core Values?

What are Your Core Values?

Setting Core Values.

One of the first things I get my business clients to do is tell me their core values, what drives them? what do they need to project? How do you want to be seen? Whats their passion? and so on.
But not only do I use this form of questioning for my business clients, I now use it for my personal clients as we all have values and passions, we need to question ourselves at times and find out if we are following our core values, and if we feel we are not, What actions can we take to get back on track?
My first experience of living by core values came when I was working at PSN and oil service company in Aberdeen who went though a management buy out from Halliburton.
The then CO Robert (Bob) Keiller who lead the management buyout strongly believed in their core values which are divided into 7 core values, these were adopted by Woodgroup who bought the successful company after a few years of great growth. Bob lived and breathed these values and inspired his staff and collages to live by them also.
if you look at Woodgroups website you will see this statement:
Core values are at the heart of our business because they define who we are, how we work, what we believe in and what we stand for. Our core values set out how we act and how we expect to be treated as part of Wood Group and provide a sound basis to make decisions.

Robin Watson, chief executive

Safety & Assurance
Safety & Assurance is our top priority because lives depend on it. We passionately care about the safety of our people and behave as safety leaders. We are committed to preventing injuries and ill health to our people and those we work with so everyone returns home safely. We provide our people with the training, knowledge and tools to work safely and prevent accidents. We are focused on assuring the safety of everything we design, construct, operate and maintain.

Relationships
Our business depends on healthy relationships with customers, business partners, and suppliers. We build and nurture strong relationships that are mutually beneficial, making sure that we deeply understand the people we deal with, so that we can anticipate their needs and always aim to exceed their expectations. Everyone in our organisation contributes to the quality of the relationships we build and we actively seek feedback.

Social Responsibility

Being socially responsible is integral to what we do.We aim to make a positive difference to the communities where we operate and seek ways to assist them. We prioritise the hiring and development of local people and work with local supply chains where we can. We are committed to minimising the impact of our activities on the environment by conserving resources, reducing waste and emissions, and preventing environmental pollution and we work with our customers to provide the best environmental solutions.

People
People are the heart of our business. We are professional, high performing team players focused on delivering and drawing on our global expertise. We aim to attract, develop and retain the best people, treating each other with honesty, compassion and respect. We create a stimulating, fun and open work culture that promotes personal development and work/life balance, rewards competitively and celebrates success.

Innovation
Innovation gives us competitive advantage. We promote collaboration and sharing of ideas across our business. We have a structured approach to recognising innovations, rapidly testing ideas and sharing learning. We encourage our people to challenge established practices and achieve continuous improvement. We are committed to delivering thorough and sound solutions to every challenge.

Financial Responsibility
We expect to receive fair reward for our business performance. We are cost aware and carefully manage our own and our customers’ costs. We manage financial risk systematically and communicate our financial performance in a clear, concise manner.

Integrity

We are proud of our reputation, built over many years, which depends on us consistently doing the right thing. Integrity is our cornerstone and character is as important as ability. We build trust and act with honesty. We comply with our Business Ethics Policy, management system and all local rules and regulations. We foster a culture of transparency and responsibility. We investigate all violations and complaints and take appropriate action.

A great example of core values used at a high level.
There are many examples of core values this is from
Yourdictionary.com
Core values are the fundamental beliefs of a person or organisation. The core values are the guiding principles that dictate behaviour and action. Core values can help people to know what is right from wrong; they can help companies to determine if they are on the right path and fulfilling their business goals; and they create an unwavering and unchanging guide. There are many different types of core values and many different examples of core values depending upon the context.

Core Values About Life

Often, when you hear someone discuss why they fell in love with a spouse, they will mention that they have the same values. In this case, they are often talking about core values, or internal beliefs that dictate how life is to be lived.
Some examples of core values people might have about life include:

 

  • A belief, or lack thereof, in God and/or an affiliation with a religious institution
  • A belief in being a good steward of resources and in exercising frugality
  • A belief that family is of fundamental importance
  • A belief that honesty is always the best policy and that trust has to be earned
  • A belief in maintaining a healthy work/life balance

 

Parents also try to instil these types of positive core values in children.
Of course, core values don’t always have to be positive. Some people may be driven by self-interest or greed, and these are core values too if they dictate the way the people live their lives.

Need Help, Book a Life Coaching appointment today!

Corporate Core Values

Companies can have core values as well. These are the guiding principles that help to define how the corporation would behave. They are usually expressed in the corporation’s mission statement.
Some examples of core values for a company might include:

 

  • A commitment to sustainability and to acting in an environmentally friendly way. Companies like Patagonia and Ben & Jerry’s have environmental sustainability as a core value.
  • A commitment to innovation and excellence. Apple Computer is perhaps best known for having a commitment to innovation as a core value. This is embodied by their “Think Different” motto.
  • A commitment to doing good for the whole. Google, for example, believes in making a great search engine and building a great company without being evil.

 

 

As you can see, many of the core values that companies have are similar to those that individuals might choose as guiding principles as well.
Companies may also have negative core values as well. Companies that are solely motivated by profit, such as tobacco companies who lied to their customers about the dangers of smoking, may have been driven by core values of self-interest and an overly strong profit motive.

Some Types of Core Values

There are countless types of core values, as you can see, so you will need to choose the ones that are right for you or your organisation.
Here are some examples of core values from which you may wish to choose:

 

  • Dependable
  • Reliable
  • Loyal
  • Committed
  • Open-minded
  • Consistent
  • Honest
  • Efficient
  • Innovative
  • Creative
  • Humorous
  • Fun-loving
  • Adventurous
  • Motivated
  • Positive
  • Optimistic
  • Inspiring
  • Passionate
  • Respectful
  • Athletic
  • Fit
  • Courageous
  • Educated
  • Respected
  • Loving
  • Nurturing

 


Identifying Core Values

While some people or companies might expressly publish their core values, often the best way to identify these values is to which how they act and behave. A core value is only a true core value if it has an active influence and if the people or company manage to live by it, at least most of the time.


Read more at http://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-core-values.html#I8UaGrDTtHoiXQdL.99

You can see why I love living by core values and mission statements, like my own statement

I enlighten others to succeed though life’s challenges.


In life we live to certain standards and ethics which come from our learnings, learnt behaviours. when we apply  our own core values to our goals and needs for ourselves and others, we apply part of our own passion which comes from our heart.

So take that time out and look at your own core values and apply them to you goals and needs.

If you need help contact me Derek McGillivray www.ahappymedium.co.uk


useful links


http://articles.bplans.com/writing-a-mission-statement/


http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/mission-statement.html

 

Derek’s Instagram Picture Quotes.

Stop think. Why am I so stressed today?

Stop think. Why am I so stressed today?

Stop think. Why am I so stressed today?

Stop think, why am I so stressed today?

How often do you find yourself running out of time? Weekly, daily, hourly? For many, it seems that there’s just never enough time in the day to get everything done.
When you know how to manage your time you gain control. Rather than busily working here, there, and everywhere (and not getting much done anywhere), effective time management helps you to choose what to work on and when. This is essential if you’re to achieve anything of any real worth. Can you manage your time better? If so How?
Here’s some tips to help you:-

1) Realize that time management is a myth.
No matter how organized we are, there are always only 24 hours in a day. Time doesn’t change. All we can actually manage is ourselves and what we do with the time that we have.

2) Find out where you’re wasting time.
Many of us are prey to time-wasters that steal time we could be using much more productively. What are your time-bandits? Do you spend too much time ‘Net surfing, reading email, or making personal calls? Start tracking how to track your activities so you can form a accurate picture of what you actually do, the first step to effective time management.

3) Create time management goals.
Remember, the focus of time management is actually changing your behaviours, not changing time. A good place to start is by eliminating your personal time-wasters. For one week, for example, set a goal that you’re not going to take personal phone calls while you’re working.

4) Implement a time management plan.
Think of this as an extension of time management tip # 3. The objective is to change your behaviours over time to achieve whatever general goal you’ve set for yourself, such as increasing your productivity or decreasing your stress. So you need to not only set your specific goals, but track them over time to see whether or not you’re accomplishing them.

5) Use time management tools.
Whether it’s a Day-Timer or a software program, the first step to physically managing your time is to know where it’s going now and planning how you’re going to spend your time in the future. A software program such as Outlook, for instance, lets you schedule events easily and can be set to remind you of events in advance, making your time management easier.

6) Prioritize ruthlessly.
You should start each day with a time management session prioritizing the tasks for that day and setting your performance benchmark. If you have 20 tasks for a given day, how many of them do you truly need to accomplish.

7) Learn to delegate and/or outsource.
No matter how small your business is, there’s no need for you to be a one-person show. For effective time management, you need to let other people carry some of the load.

8) Establish routines and stick to them as much as possible.
While crises will arise, you’ll be much more productive if you can follow routines most of the time.

9) Get in the habit of setting time limits for tasks.
For instance, reading and answering email can consume your whole day if you let it. Instead, set a limit of one hour a day for this task and stick to it.

10) Be sure your systems are organized.
Are you wasting a lot of time looking for files on your computer? Take the time to organize a file management system. Is your filing system slowing you down? Redo it, so it’s organized to the point that you can quickly lay your hands on what you need.

11) Don’t waste time waiting.
From client meetings to dentist appointments, it’s impossible to avoid waiting for someone or something. But you don’t need to just sit there and twiddle your thumbs. Always take something to do with you, such as a report you need to read, a checkbook that needs to be balanced, or just a blank pad of paper that you can use to plan your next marketing campaign. Technology makes it easy to work wherever you are; you can use your smart phone, ipad etc will help you stay connected.
You can be in control and accomplish what you want to accomplish – once you’ve come to grips with the time management myth and taken control of your time.

Don’t let the stresses of Time kill you!

If you need help or advice, book a life coaching appointment, where I can help you prioritise what you feel is important.

http://www.ahappymedium.co.uk/life-coaching.html

Overcoming Loneliness.

Overcoming Loneliness.

Overcoming Loneliness.

 

Being alone doesn’t need to be a negative, you! yes you! can turn it into a positive!

Yes we all at times like to have that space and be alone, but when its forced on us we often fear it, we have gotten used to being with a certain person or family members, but life can change that, very quickly, kids grow up, people leave us unexpectedly, we loose that job and so on.
don’t panic you can deal with being alone and you can change the situation to being positive, it can take time its up to you!

Lets look at the different types of being alone,

Being alone is not the same as being lonely. There is nothing wrong with being on your own if you are comfortable with it.

People usually describe feeling lonely for one of two reasons, they simply don’t see or talk to anyone very often, even though they are surrounded by people, they don’t feel understood or cared for.

Deciding which is the case for you may help you to find a way of feeling better.

I always turn being lonely into a positive and use that time to plan and also process what has happen to make me feel lonely, we can all get depressed and down when alone and it can sometimes turn into a metal health issue, so stop and think about what you can do now to feel better.
If your in a relationship or job where you feel alone then take action!
Join a trade union, speak to personnel, marriage guidance, go online look for groups to join,
Communicate how you feel, be assertive, very often we don’t like saying no.
I say if I don’t want to do something because I feel that I need a bit of space is just say “sorry that doesn’t work for me today”
There are many situations where we can struggle with being alone and feel afraid, very often we find that we aren’t alone in being alone.
Let’s face it life can give us some really difficult challenges often when we don’t expect it, we can feel alone, sad and frustrated. Then all of a sudden we get that energy inside to get us though that difficult time, but that energy inside us, is always there and is abundant, it’s called love and light. Connect to yours today, feel that love and let it drive you through the challenges of life. Just say “I am made from love and light, I do have enough energy to overcome my challenges”

Using Open questions helps you connect to others.

When we take that step and join a club or go somewhere to meet new people we have to learn to communicate, engage in open communication by asking open questions. try and avoid using closed questions as this stops the flow and we may loose interest and go back to our quiet selves and hide. We then go back to feeling lonely and we don’t move forward.
 

Closed questions

Definition

There are two definitions that are used to describe closed questions. A common definition is:

A closed question can be answered with either a single word or a short phrase.

Thus ‘How old are you?’ and ‘Where do you live?’ are closed questions. A more limiting definition that is sometimes used is:

A closed question can be answered with either ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

By this definition ‘Are you happy?’ and ‘Is that a knife I see before me?’ are closed questions, whilst ‘What time is it?’ and ‘How old are you?’ are not. This causes a problem of how to classify the short-answer non-yes-or-no questions, which do not fit well with the definition for open questions. A way of handling this is to define ‘yes-no’ as a sub-class of the short-answer closed question.
Using closed questions

Closed questions have the following characteristics:
They give you facts.
They are easy to answer.
They are quick to answer.
They keep control of the conversation with the questioner.

This makes closed questions useful in the following situations:

Usage Example
As opening questions in a conversation, as it makes it easy for the other person to answer, and doesn’t force them to reveal too much about themselves.
It’s great weather, isn’t it?

Where do you live?
What time is it?
For testing their understanding (asking yes/no questions). This is also a great way to break into a long ramble.
So, you want to move into our apartment, with your own bedroom and bathroom — true?  
For setting up a desired positive or negative frame of mind in them (asking successive questions with obvious answers either yes or no ).
Are you happy with your current supplier?

Do they give you all that you need?
Would you like to find a better supplier?
For achieving closure of a persuasion (seeking yes to the big question). If I can deliver this tomorrow, will you sign for it now?

Note how you can turn any opinion into a closed question that forces a yes or no by adding tag questions, such as “isn’t it?”, “don’t you?” or “can’t they?”, to any statement.

The first word of a question sets up the dynamic of the closed question and signals the easy answer ahead. Note how these are words like: do, would, are, will, if.

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

Open questions

Definition

An open question can be defined thus:

An open question is likely to receive a long answer.

Although any question can receive a long answer, open questions deliberately seek longer answers, and are the opposite of closed questions.
Using open questions

Open questions have the following characteristics:
They ask the respondent to think and reflect.
They will give you opinions and feelings.
They hand control of the conversation to the respondent.

This makes open questions useful in the following situations:

Usage Example
As a follow-on from closed questions, to develop a conversation and open up someone who is rather quiet.
What did you do on you holidays? 

How do you keep focused on your work?
To find out more about a person, their wants, needs, problems, and so on. What’s keeping you awake these days?

Why is that so important to you?
To get people to realise the extend of their problems (to which, of course, you have the solution). I wonder what would happen if your customers complained even more?

Rob Jones used to go out late. What happened to him? 
To get them to feel good about you by asking after their health or otherwise demonstrating human concern about them. How have you been after your operation?

You’re looking down. What’s up?

 

Open questions begin with such as: what, why, how, describe.
Using open questions can be scary, as they seem to hand the baton of control over to the other person. However, well-placed questions do leave you in control as you steer their interest and engage them where you want them.
When opening conversations, a good balance is around three closed questions to one open question. The closed questions start the conversation and summarise progress, whilst the open question gets the other person thinking and continuing to give you useful information about them.
A neat trick is to get them to ask you open questions. This then gives you the floor to talk about what you want. The way to achieve this is to intrigue them with an incomplete story or benefit.

Being lonely at night time.

A lot of my clients have problems at night time and find it hard to sleep as they worry about being alone, especially after the loss of a loved one, or the break up of a relationship. It takes time to adjust and often counselling can help, being more relaxed, Reading positive books, watching funny programs, write down ideas, I used to go for a drive and get out of the house, avoid caffeine etc. get advice on that, see your doctor, nurse etc
Its trial and error what works for others may not work for you.
All you folk who have a troubled mind tonight just relax and let the Angels take over for a while. just feel yourself happy or what it’s like to be happy remember a time you felt happy, and feel it now and how good it is to be happy, this Happy medium is now happy your happy, and if your not happy reading my happy post by now, then you will be happy as all this is trying to do is let you feel how happy I am you have read my happy post. If you can’t get happy then just say sod this unhappy feeling I have and by now the universe is working on making you happy lol
 Night all for Christ sake be happy !!!!
 Happy dreams!

How mediation can help you over come loneliness.

Meditation, means being ‘pleasantly anchored in the present moment’. With the hectic lifestyle people live in today, stress is a strong contributor to heart disease and high blood pressure. This is why it is important to learn to relax and relax our body. And this can be achieved through meditation. Meditation is easy for us to incorporate into our lives.

Meditation is becoming more and more popular every day and there is a reason behind this. Scientists study it; doctors recommend it and millions of people all over the world practice it every day. Why? Because meditation works. Meditation is not just a matter of belief or disbelief. Meditation can improve our achievements and it can help us,we can develop hidden talents and capabilities that we had forgotten we possess. Achieve more with less effort – that is the essence of Meditation.

Meditations can completely relax our body and mind and it can also make our brain more alert and make our heart relax. It refreshes us completely and gets us ready for another batch of work. It also helps us block out any distractions that may come across our way.

You don’t have to sit with knees crossed or anything funny, we all meditate at certain times of the day, like when were doing the Ironing, cooking, reading etc

So use that time when you feel lonely to meditate or try mindfulness, often this gives as an incite to ourselves and you may even enjoy it, this doesn’t have to be done alone, there are groups and very often classes where you can be given guided meditations to start with.

There are lots of books on it and lots of CDs best to find you own way to meditate and just relax.

If you have
a dream
Don’t wait
for some distant day to come,
it may be too
late before you’ve even begun.
Not everyone
will agree with all you decide.
Be true to
yourself first and foremost.
The only
important thing in life is what you do
with the time
you spend here on Earth.
Don’t be
afraid to follow your desires,
they are not
silly nor selfish.
Take the time
and do what makes you feel alive.
Leave your
fears and regrets in the past,
for this is
where they belong.
Don’t cloud
today with things that can’t be undone.
You have no
more control over yesterday or tomorrow,
than you do
the raging of your passions.
Do not quiet
these dreams nor quench your desires.
For if you
do, your journey is ended.
You have only
today to begin anew and follow your dreams.
For in the
end all we have are our memories.
When the
twilight comes to us, let there be,
No excuses,
no explanations, no regrets!
unknown
 
 
Remember to laugh and what made you laugh, remember what worked in the past, when you were lonely before, avoid the comfort zones i.e. eating and drinking to much just to cheer yourself up, if that is what you enjoy, ask people round, go see others, join a befriend group, often helping others you can help yourself. do that course you have always wanted to do, use that lonely time in a constructive way.
I really don’t want to see you or help you get rid of an additive behaviour like Gambling and drinking as you aren’t facing up to things, when we do that, have a list of things you can do when you feel lonely, hand write it as it helps to log it in to your subconscious mind. Stay focused on your well being and never be afraid to ask for help!
OK things happen out with your control, and we say why me? You have the ability to overcome the challenges, just laugh let go of all the stress, take a deep breath and feel that laughter come back and feel that energy inside saying, sod this! Time to accept and move forward.
 

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

some useful web sites

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/#

www.wavelength.org.uk/

http://www.royalvoluntaryservice.org.uk/
www.webofloneliness.com