Dealing with Rejection

Dealing with Rejection

 
Dealing with rejection can be painful, whether it happens at work, at home, at school or in relationships.


Never allow others negative behaviours to put you off, your goals and dreams, just send them healing in the future as you will achieve great deeds by being positive, determined and loving person you are.


Rejection comes in many forms and it can be tempting to wallow in self-pity and despair when we have been rejected. Fortunately, there are things we can do that can help us handle rejection with dignity and purpose. Everyone experiences rejection – it is what we do in response that determines how we feel about ourselves. Rejection is scary, because it reminds us that we cannot control people and circumstances. Here are a few ideas of things we can do to overcome the rejection blues.

Be Aware of Your Emotions
Rejection is a form of loss, creating the sense of losing something we thought we had. Being rejected can feel like an outright violation of our expectations, which is why many of us feel offended when we are rejected. When the rejection is very painful or unexpected, it can be scary, making us feel as though the world we live in is unsafe and malevolent. When things do not go the way we expect, we often feel devastated and powerless, especially if we are very attached to a particular outcome.
We can acknowledge our loss, reminding ourselves that our feelings are never unacceptable or wrong, but they are also not entirely true. No matter how extreme or violent our feelings might seem, though, it is important to give ourselves the opportunity to experience them. Anger, sadness and disappointment are all natural responses when dealing with rejection. We can allow for our feelings, whatever they are, without holding onto them. We can let them come, and let them go.

Practice Acceptance
When rejection occurs, one of the ways many of us automatically respond is with denial. We may tell ourselves that this is not happening or that this is all a mistake that will soon be corrected. Denial is a mechanism of self-defence. We deny that something unpleasant is happening because the reality is too painful. We can gently correct ourselves by saying, “This is happening, and it will be okay. This does not mean that I am a bad person or that I have done something wrong.”

Talk to Someone You Trust
Another common impulse when dealing with rejection is to isolate and to cut ourselves off from support. This is another way that we unconsciously try to protect ourselves from more pain. Many of us equate relationships (revealing ourselves to others in work, love, family and friendships) with the disappointment that sometimes occurs in those relationships.

Take Action and Get Moving
It does not matter what we do, only that we take action and get moving. We can do dishes, pay bills, organise or finish up that work report we have been neglecting. Purposeful movement clears the mind of the stagnant energy and negative emotions that hang around when we are dealing with rejection. This is a perfect time to do something we have been putting off.

We are probably thinking, “What’s the use? I will still be miserable, and it will not change the fact that I have been dumped/passed over for that promotion/turned down by my number-one choice for college or school.” We can choose to think about it differently. We can be heartbroken in a messy living room that makes us feel even more miserable, or we can take constructive action that will likely lift our spirits and self-esteem.

Action has a wonderful way of breeding self-confidence and feelings of empowerment. You will feel less like a victim of your circumstances when you take action in an area you can actually control. Though it may sound like torture to suggest cleaning a closet after what feels like the most painful breakup in history the sooner we get moving, the better we will feel.

It is okay to resist for a while. As soon as we are ready, we can give it a try. If it still seems like an insurmountable, useless task, we can make a deal with ourselves to try it out for fifteen minutes. If we want to stop after 15 minutes, we can stop. But we usually find that the momentum of positive, productive energy created in just those 15 minutes is sufficient to make us want to keep going.

Be Kind to Yourself
One of the best times to do something nice for ourselves is when we are dealing with rejection. This serves a dual purpose: we get to do something enjoyable, and in so doing, we also prove to ourselves that we are worth the effort and attention. We can buy ourselves a special gift or get a massage, manicure and pedicure. We can set aside a day in the coming week to do whatever we want to do, whether that means browsing in a bookstore all afternoon sipping coffee, or losing ourselves in an art project. Planning ahead for “me” time brings with it the gift of something to look forward to, which makes difficult situations infinitely more bearable.

Be Kind to Someone Else
What it does mean, however, is that our thoughts colour our experiences. We have the power to use past success as evidence that future success is possible and, indeed, probable.

Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow. But its purpose is not gratuitous pain. If we have relationships with other people and if we regularly take risks, rejection is inevitable. Like any experience, rejection teaches a valuable lesson that we simply cannot learn any other way. We can always choose to see that value, although it may be difficult at first. Dealing with rejection in one area of life can teach us to deal more gracefully with our next experience of rejection in a completely different area. Lessons like these build on themselves. We can use our past experiences of rejection to make our future experiences less painful.



Whether it is a pet, a relative or a stranger, this strategy is particularly effective for coping with rejection. Focusing on someone else’s needs for a time reminds us that we are not the centre of the universe, and that our disappointments are not as devastating and all-encompassing as we make them out to be. Perhaps someone we love is ill, confined to home or hospital bed. We can ask if there is anything we might help that person with, being grateful for our health and our ability to offer help.

Feeling useful is a fail safe cure for self-pity. We can call a friend and ask how she is, without mentioning or complaining about our circumstances. Take the dog for an extra-long walk, or spend time snuggling with the cat – such small, loving actions centre us, bring us great comfort and remind us that we matter to other beings.

Reaffirm Your Successes
Rejection can make us feel as though we are failing, and can even lead us to falsely assume that not only have we failed, we are complete failures. Reminding ourselves of specific successes is a great way to remember our assets and accomplishments during a time when we are tempted to focus only on the negative. By focusing on the positive, we give it power in our minds, in our actions and ultimately in our circumstances. This does not mean that thinking positively will ensure that we never experience disappointment.

If you need help to get back on track book a private session with Derek Book Now! or Email

 
 

Why I became a Celebrant

Why I became a Celebrant

Why I became a Celebrant.

 


Hi, I am Derek McGillivray.

Why did I choose to be a celebrant?

In my capacity as A Happy Medium, where I am an intuitive life coach and complementary therapist, I discovered I had this amazing ability to foresee weddings, births and so on.

As a result, I was often asked to do wedding ceremonies, or invited to christening of new-born babies.

When at some of these events I often thought that the events did not do justice to the couple as often they didn’t get what they wanted and had to follow set protocols and please Family, church, or others  etc.

So I decided to train as a Civil Celebrant. And offer the couple more options so they could be In Control off THEIR special day.

In June 2019, I completed and passed NOCN Level 3 Diploma in Celebrancy – Baby Naming and Couples.

I was trained in by Civil Ceremonies Ltd. Who are one of the top rated trainers and regulated by the government body OFQUAL.

I am a deeply spiritual person and believe in the concept of unconditional love. Love should be celebrated, and a ceremony is a great way to show that love. I created A Happy Ceremony for that reason to offer personalised ceremonies for my clients,

My motto is “Seal your love with a ceremony and a smile”

Some of the ceremonies I offer are

  • Wedding ceremony
  • Baby Naming
  • Scottish Hand fasting
  • Renewal of Civil partnership or wedding vows
  • Commitment ceremonies
  • Divorce ceremonies

I operate from Elgin in Moray, Scotland but prepared to travel anywhere in UK.

I was already travelling throughout the Uk and the Islands putting on shows for my work as A Happy Medium I had a lot of ceremonies booked but dew to the Covid 19 restrictions they have been rescheduled to next year.

Having been a public speaker for over 25 years I am a very confident speaker and I am often the one who you calms others down,  who are involved in the events I attend, also take charge when things don’t go to plan, I use hummer, kindness and compassion, plus I use my empathy skills to assist you and your family.

I like to get to know a little about you so that I can make sure that your ceremony is personalised to make it unique to you both. You can have as much of your own input as you wish, on your Happy Celebration day. I love to connect with you and your guests so that everyone feels a part of the day and not just a spectator to it. We work together we make it unforgettable.

Here is some of what happens:

  • You find your dream venue or ask us for a recommendation
  • Contact us to hold your preferred date
  • Contact Registration office – Intent to marry
  • Book your signing day
  • Begin creating your unique and personal ceremony!

Whatever the occasion, I look forward to working with you to create a unique and personal ceremony, reflective of who you are and without any restrictions on location, content, format, or style.

My ceremonies are warm, personal, and relaxed, and can be as romantic and sentimental or as upbeat and quirky as you wish.

It’s your day so let’s make it really special and unforgettable for you.

Your Wedding Ceremony

I can officiate at a ceremony for couples of any gender that follows your legal marriage or partnership formalities, either the same day or some time afterwards.

You can share your love for each other with your family and friends, in the ceremony that you really want.

In Scotland just now only a Humanist Celebrant can legally marry you and you have to follow the Humanist format. You don’t have to follow any format with myself as I am not tied to any Religion, but I am fully insured.

The law is hopefully changing soon where all trained celebrants will be able to legally marry, you can have the church minister, priest marry you or a register at or before your ceremony it’s up to you.

Most of my clients just need to say to the register they want to get married but do not want the ceremony with the register, they then get a form to sign and the costs are low.

My ceremonies do not replace your legal formalities but are designed to be a perfect solution to many dilemmas.

If you can say “Yes” to any of the following situations,

the Wedding Celebration Ceremony is for you!

You want your ceremony in a private house or garden.

You want the ceremony outside, maybe in a marquee.

You want to get married abroad but also want to share your wedding celebration with friends and family when you return.

You want your ceremony in a particular venue that is not licensed for marriages or civil partnership.

You want religious or cultural traditions, which are not allowed at a Register Office or in a religious ceremony.

You want to include spiritual, religious, or symbolic elements with special meaning to you.

It is a Personalised ceremony that you design with My help, conducted in front of all your family and friends, in any location that you choose.

These ceremonies are for couples of any gender.

I also can provide PA systems etc as I use them for my other events.

Why Use us, For Your Happy Ceremony?

“Personalise the start of your wedding with a happy ceremony with words that are all about you.”

With a ceremony led by Wedding Celebrant Derek McGillivray you can:

Choose Your Own Location

Your ceremony can be held anywhere!

It does not need to be licensed as the ceremony can be separate from your legal signing.

Choose Your Own Time

Celebrate at a time that suits you. Because normally only one ceremony a day is conducted, you can pick the time you REALLY want!

A Ceremony personalised to suit you

I get to know you so that he can convey your personal story to the guests to make this an unforgettable experience.

I am Fully Qualified and insured I also trained to offer A Naming Ceremony.

What is a Naming ceremony?

A Naming ceremony is an event at which a person or persons is officially assigned a name. Various countries participate in this practice, with methods differing over cultures and religions.

The timing at which a name is assigned can vary from some days after birth to several months or many years.

Your Naming Ceremony can be specially created using your own selection of words, poems and readings, either from the wide selection Derek can provide, or from other sources.

During the ceremony, a special commemorative certificate is signed and presented. There are many ways to make your child’s ceremony a very personal, meaningful, and unique event for all those involved.

Derek can work with you if you still want your child to be baptised in a church etc and want a more personal naming ceremony afterwards. Very often a Baby naming Ceremony is asked for at the same time or before a wedding, especially if couples have children who are being adopted or changing names, it helps make the joining of families more memorable.

Apart from the normal Ring blessing, giving and ring ceremony you can also have lots of other symbolic acts within ceremonies.

The Handfasting Ceremony is probably requested most by the couples in Scotland,

You may have wondered where the expression to tie the knot comes from. It refers to the traditional Celtic ritual of Handfasting, which was recognised as the contract of marriage.

Handfasting may be unfamiliar to many of you so I will explain a little about it.

A hand fasting was originally more like an engagement or trial marriage, where two people would declare a binding union between themselves for a year and a day.

After a year went by they could separate or decide to permanently enter a full marriage, very often if there were no child or pregnancy this is what happened, Hand fasting was suppress in 664 but was still considered amongst many as a legal form of marriage in England until 1753 when it was outlawed.

In Scotland it continued until 1939, hence the stories of elopement to Gretna Green to be married over the anvil.

Candle Lighting

The Bride and Groom each light a candle each, to symbolise their separate lives before their formal union as a married couple. In a partnership of equals, such as the one which they have, each partner cares for the other through both the difficult times and the good times.

They will share the laughter and the tears, the joy, and the sadness, as well as the companionship and tranquillity of simply being together. But at the same time, they will continue to respect each other’s individuality and uniqueness, and this is symbolised by the two candles.

The Bride and Groom then light a third candle symbolising the joining together of their lives in marriage.

The three candles will shine forth as symbols of both their togetherness and of their continuing individuality.

Elements Well Wishing

As a unique way to symbolise a union is to celebrate life’s essential elements. A well-wishing is said to all the elements. Earth, Air, Water and Fire.

There are many ways of doing this, depending on where the ceremony is taking place.

Sand Ceremony

A marriage is symbolised by the pouring together of two individual containers of sand, representing the Bride and the Groom and all that they were, all that they are, and all that they will ever be. As these two containers of sand are poured into the third container, the grains of sand can never again be separated, as you will now be in their marriage.

Planting a Tree

The tree symbolises a Bride and Groom’s hopes for the future as well as the beauty and wonder of life. Whether a tree grows to be tall and strong depends on the nurture it receives. No tree grows alone – they all need the soil, the sunshine and the rain. So too, a marriage needs to be nourished and a Bride and Groom will be there for each other through all the seasons of their life together – to support, love and nurture each other.

Exchange of Flowers

The language of flowers, has its roots throughout history. Using flowers to send a message probably dates to prehistoric times as symbolic use of flowers is mentioned in Egyptian inscriptions, in Chinese writings and in both Greek and Roman mythology.

And so, the bride and groom exchange white roses, which symbolize purity, charm and innocence.

Gathering of Flowers

As your guests arrive, present them with a flower. Each one of these flowers is different, each one is beautiful, and each one will add its own unique qualities to the bouquet that will made when they are gathered together.

All of your guests have each brought their own qualities to their relationships with you, their own beauty, their own colour and their own influence…

And now as they gather together for this most special of occasions, a nominated person will gather these flowers together, each flower representing their place in the bride and Groom’s lives.

The beautiful bundle of flowers represents the colour and the beauty that each and every person brings into your lives, and with the placing of each flower, the bouquet changes, each flower playing its own part in influencing how the final bouquet will look and feel. This bouquet will now be the centrepiece of this ceremony, and the dinner and party to follow.

Gifts for Mothers

This wedding is also a celebration of family. It is the blending of families, separate up to this moment, but united from this day forward – blending their different traditions, strengthening the family tree. Mothers cry when their children hurt and welcome pain and burden to give their sons and daughters the gift of life.

The Bride and Groom, to honour this blending of families, present a rose to their mothers – to thank their parents for the many sacrifices they have made and for their unconditional love so freely given to their children.

There is so much more

Here is a list of symbolic gestures you may wish to consider for your marriage ceremony.

Candle Lighting

Elements Well Wishing

Sand Ceremony

Planting a Tree

Exchange of Flowers

Gathering of Flowers

Gifts for Mothers

The Mexican Hug

Release of Doves

Release of Butterflies

Release of Balloons

Wedding Band Warming

Heart Entwining

Do not forget some of these gestures can be used for the Baby naming ceremonies too.

Thank you for taking the time to watch this video and we also offer services to support you leading up to your big day, and even help you save money on your house hold bills from now, so, you can put that money towards your future instead.

Feel free to come in or have a chat on zoom, we could even do a ceremony over zoom until you can have that real special day, ironically, I have been asked lately for this already.

 

Check my website for more information

www.ahappyceremony.co.uk

Contact Derek McGillivray

Tel 07468119635

Email derek@ahappyceremony.co.uk

 

7 Mayne Road, Elgin IV30 1NY

 

12 tips to help you relax & combat life’s challenges with anxiety, stress and worry.

12 tips to help you relax & combat life’s challenges with anxiety, stress and worry.

Even when things aren’t perfect or don’t seem to be working out, I choose to trust in life.

Here are some tips to help you deal with life’s challenges, which I hope will enable you to recognise and control common tensions and anxieties. It is my belief that the only way to be able to combat anxiety successfully, is to learn all you can about it and then teach yourself ways of controlling the problems and effects caused by either an anxiety attack or an anxious situation that you find yourself in.

Life Coaching with Hynotherapy can really help with anxieties, together we can get to the root cause and work on soluitions.

Watch the video and learn new coping strategies


You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk

These tips are in no particular order and I hope that you will read them all, try them all and then use the ones that you find ‘work for you’:

1. Talk over your worry. Everyone needs to do this at different times in their life. (Choose a friend, relative or professional helper you can trust).

*The magic word here is trust! It is impossible to talk candidly to someone who you feel either does not understand or you don’t trust. If you find someone who you can trust, try to use that trust and friendship to help relieve some of your burdens.*
Some Results: You will have relief from strain and be more able to see what you can do about your problem.

2. Escape from your problem – even if only for a while. (Lose yourself for a while in a change of scene or an interest. There is no merit in “Sticking it out” and suffering).

*As I have mentioned before, I use exercise and music to relax. I also read books and surf the internet. All of these things takes me away from stressful situations and help me get my mind back to a state in which I can deal again with life.*
Some Results: Afterwards, you will be clearer in your mind and able to come back and tackle your problem.

3. use up anger by physical activity. (Channel your anger into a job that needs doing or take a long walk or even play a game).

You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk

*Physical exercise is a great way of removing pent up aggression. Please walk away from a potential flash point. It never solves anything and only intensifies your loss as you lose either friends, family or even both. I know it is difficult but self-discipline is the only real option here.*
Some Results: You will “let go” of your anger instead of bottling it up, which causes more tension.

4. Give in to others – occasionally. (This is easier on your nervous system in the long-run and you’re the one who counts. Only children stay obstinate and defiant all the time).

*This is so difficult to do because giving in also implies weakness and submission, both of which are hard things to do. Try this one occasionally and see how you feel! If it is a good feeling then try it again (but not all the time).*
Some Results: You will feel a relief from pressure and develop a stronger sense of maturity.

5. Do something for someone else. (Even a smile or a generous word is a good start. Add to this daily).

* It sounds crazy to do this and you can not see how this will benefit you, right? Well only after you have tried it and done it and continued to for some time can you see the benefits here. But they are worth doing. You do feel more fulfilled and can make friends and build relationships as well.*

Some Results: It will help you to feel less isolated with your worry and start to turn your thoughts outwards.

You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk

6. Deal with one thing at a time. (Select the urgent tasks first and get on with them. Forget the rest for the time being. Tension and worry makes even an ordinary day seem unbearable. This need not be a permanent state).

*This is a problem I had. When I worked as a chef offshore if I had work I had to do it all and all by myself. I felt I was indispensable and that no-one could cope without me. I never delegated and nearly had a complete breakdown as a result, as well as losing friends and alienating colleagues in the process.*

Some Results: This will help you achieve something and the other tasks will seem easier when you get around to them.

7. Try not to be a perfectionist in everything. (If you expect too much of yourself all of the time, you can create a constant state of worry and anxiety. So decide which things you do well and put your major efforts into these first).

*Oh boy! This was me. Still is if I let it (but I’m not quite such a compulsive perfectionist now). This is hard and I can not tell you how to change. You need to work this one out and fast. This would be my #1 in this list, so work on this. In the long run it really will help.*

Some Results: You will avoid an open invitation to yourself to fail and probably make life easier for yourself – and others.

You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk

8. Try not be to critical of others. (Concentrate on other people and your own good points and try to understand and develop them).

Some Results: You will probably feel frustrated and let-down by yourself and others.

9. Develop co-operation with others. Not competition. (Give the other man a chance. If you are no longer a threat to him, he stops being a threat to you).

*This is true but I guess I never looked at things in such a black & white manner?*

Some Results: You will have less emotional or physical tension over reaching goals (real or imaginary).

10. Make yourself available to others – make the first move occasionally. (Neither push too much or withdraw too much. Feelings of rejection and neglect are very painful but are often self-imposed).
*Again this is me. Always wanting to please and feeling very rejected when things turn out differently. I get paranoid and think that people are either laughing at me or avoiding me. I guess I withdraw as an automatic protective manner.*

Some Results: At least you will know you’ve made an effort and this will build your confidence.

11. Plan your recreation time. However short. (Allow some time for a hobby or recreation. Un-planned time often becomes wasted time. Make variety part of the planning).

You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk

*This links in nicely with some of the other tips. Try and get involved (if you can) with team sports or activities where there are other people around. I know first hand how hard this is (you will feel so much better about yourself if you can) and I am still struggling to do it myself (remember doing is not quite as easy as knowing). This is a very good tip so try it.*

Some Results: You will return to your work or your problem with a fresher outlook.

12. Learn methods of exercise and relaxation then practice them daily. (You are aiming to be in control of your body and learning how to counteract tension and anxiety).

*The best tip of them all. Sometimes though the hardest to do. It is not easy to relax when you are stressed and tense. It is better to try out different methods when you are not so stressed and tense and then use the ones that really help to relax you when you need them most. I use music and sport. It works for me so try it, what have you got to loose?*

Some Results: You will unlock tension in every part of your body and even prevent tension in the future.

If all else fails use my F bubble meditation gets the point across.

 


Don’t waste energy trying to empty your life of worrying things, when you could be filling your life with wholesome things.

You can book a session online here or text/call 07468119635 email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk

 



www.ahappymedium.co.uk

 
 

 

Dealing with Concerns and using your circle of influence.

Dealing with Concerns and using your circle of influence.

The Circle of Influence and the Circle of concern

This is a great process to go though when you have had enough and need to sort out stuff in your head, The idea or model is taken from Stephen Conveys The 7 habits of highly effective people 1989.
We all have concerns in life some we can influence and some we cant in the present, that can change in time. I have learnt though my own life lessons that we cant always change our concerns, especially in politics or the past, people dying, the meaning of Life and so on …but when we Rewind and slow down, then Review this is a great process to look at when we review what we can influence, before we Re engage in life.

All of us have a wide range of concerns in our lives – our housing, our health, our friends and family, the environment, weight issues, animal rights, sex and drugs and rock and roll, the universe of our concerns can go on and on, there are some things we can influence and some things we can only stay concerned about. we do have a choice.

Now we have a choice about where we focus our attention and energy. Not that I am saying to eat wild mushrooms by the way, as you will go mad and that wont help you, but when we take control and focus on your circles of influence and look at what you can influence, we are then ready to Re engage.

Worry Only About the Problems in Your Circle of Influence.

Once you have had a look and sorted out in your head and divided all the concerns in to circles of concern and circles of influence.
Take a break, go for a walk, chill out. and ask
What really is worth my energy?
Who can I influence?
When can I see them?
How will I approach them?
Let the questions and answers, solutions come into your head. Be relaxed and feel good about the fact your moving forward now.

The author and leadership guru Stephen Covey encourages us to only focus on concerns that we have control over. He outlines the “circle of concerns” as all of the stuff that worries us – and then a smaller “circle of influence” (within the larger “circle of concerns”) that only contains stuff that we can actually control.

His point, of course, is that we should only spend our energy on stuff that we can do something about. Focus only on problems that lie within your “circle of influence.”

That is not an easy thing to do at times, but better that, than giving in to negativity.
We are creative and we all have passions, core values that drive us forward look at the other blogs and use all the tools, tips advice, learn and take action.

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

Your energy becomes fractured and depleted as you start to obsess over details and situations that are beyond your control. Ultimately  your ideas and projects will suffer. So don’t waste time on things and situations you cant change in the present moment, focus on what you can change, Your attitude first to a positive one!

Use only positives in your circle of influence, set some goals to influence what you NEED not just what you WANT and remember enthusiasm attracts, enthusiasm back to you.
Let stop the moaning and be happy today, lets start a happy virus one that is a total pain in the tummy, where we can’t stop laughing. There nothing more infectious than the sound of laughter. Make others smile today!

Positive self talk for the festive season

Positive self talk for the festive season

Positive self talk for the festive season


It gets everywhere! On television and radio, in shops, newspapers and magazines, on
the internet and even all the outdoor decorations. We can’t escape it. The holidays are
coming!

It seems that everyone else has a wonderful family time…..except me? This a common statement from my clients at this time of year.
Is this a fact or opinion?

Perhaps a minority of people are fortunate enough to have a lovely family time. The majority have some good family times mixed
with quite a lot of work, stress and financial burden. Family stresses can be greatly exaggerated and become intolerable over the holiday period when everyone is forced to spend time together, trying to keep things cheerful.

For others, it is a very lonely time. A reminder that we are alone, out of contact with, or without family. If we have friends, then they will probably be spending time with their families and have little spare time for us. Everything seems to be closed on the day itself: shops, libraries, cafes and all other meeting points or places where we might be in contact with others.

So what can we do? How can we get through this time?

Maybe even change things so that we can feel better about it.
If we change the way we think about it, or change what we do – then we will change the way we feel. If we carry on thinking and doing what we’ve always done, then nothing will change and we will have a miserable holiday time.

Use the an alternative cycle to decide how you can make things better.

My alternative cycle:

  • How can I think differently?
  • What can I do differently?
  • How will I feel if I think/act differently?

Get help speak to others, write down lists of what you could do, even volunteer for a charity and spend time helping others.

Here is a good link to down load some information to help click here or go to https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/Holidays.pdf

Use positive self talk I encourage my clients to use Positive statements.

Positive statements encourage us and help us cope through distressing times. We can say these encouraging words to ourselves and be our own personal coach.  We have all survived some very distressing times, and we can use those experiences to encourage us through current difficulties.  Examples of coping thoughts might be:

  • Stop, and breathe.
  • I can do this.
  • This will pass.
  • I can be anxious/angry/sad and still deal with this.
  • I have done this before, and I can do it again.
  • This feels bad, it’s a normal body reaction – it will pass.
  • This feels bad, and feelings are very often wrong.
  • These are just feelings; they will go away.
  • This won’t last forever.
  • Short term pain for long term gain.
  • I can feel bad and still choose to take a new and healthy direction.
  • I don’t need to rush, I can take things slowly.
  • I have survived before, I will survive now.
  • I feel this way because of my past experiences, but I am safe right now.
  • It’s okay to feel this way, it’s a normal reaction.
  • Right now, I am not in danger.  Right now, I’m safe.
  • My mind is not always my friend.
  • Thoughts are just thoughts – they’re not necessarily true or factual.
  • This is difficult and uncomfortable, but it’s only temporary.
  • I can use my coping skills and get through this.
  • I can learn from this and it will be easier next time.
  • Keep calm and carry on.

Don’t let the Festive season get you down, be proactive if you need help book a session and I will help you plan and set some new goals to achieve a wonderful Christmas.

Derek McGillivray

www.ahappymedium.co.uk