Dealing with Concerns and using your circle of influence.

Dealing with Concerns and using your circle of influence.

by | May 7, 2023 | Body, Mind, News, Soul

The Circle of Influence and the Circle of concern

This is a great process to go though when you have had enough and need to sort out stuff in your head, The idea or model is taken from Stephen Conveys The 7 habits of highly effective people 1989.
We all have concerns in life some we can influence and some we cant in the present, that can change in time. I have learnt though my own life lessons that we cant always change our concerns, especially in politics or the past, people dying, the meaning of Life and so on …but when we Rewind and slow down, then Review this is a great process to look at when we review what we can influence, before we Re engage in life.

All of us have a wide range of concerns in our lives – our housing, our health, our friends and family, the environment, weight issues, animal rights, sex and drugs and rock and roll, the universe of our concerns can go on and on, there are some things we can influence and some things we can only stay concerned about. we do have a choice.

Now we have a choice about where we focus our attention and energy. Not that I am saying to eat wild mushrooms by the way, as you will go mad and that wont help you, but when we take control and focus on your circles of influence and look at what you can influence, we are then ready to Re engage.

Worry Only About the Problems in Your Circle of Influence.

Once you have had a look and sorted out in your head and divided all the concerns in to circles of concern and circles of influence.
Take a break, go for a walk, chill out. and ask
What really is worth my energy?
Who can I influence?
When can I see them?
How will I approach them?
Let the questions and answers, solutions come into your head. Be relaxed and feel good about the fact your moving forward now.

The author and leadership guru Stephen Covey encourages us to only focus on concerns that we have control over. He outlines the “circle of concerns” as all of the stuff that worries us – and then a smaller “circle of influence” (within the larger “circle of concerns”) that only contains stuff that we can actually control.

His point, of course, is that we should only spend our energy on stuff that we can do something about. Focus only on problems that lie within your “circle of influence.”

That is not an easy thing to do at times, but better that, than giving in to negativity.
We are creative and we all have passions, core values that drive us forward look at the other blogs and use all the tools, tips advice, learn and take action.

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

Your energy becomes fractured and depleted as you start to obsess over details and situations that are beyond your control. Ultimately  your ideas and projects will suffer. So don’t waste time on things and situations you cant change in the present moment, focus on what you can change, Your attitude first to a positive one!

Use only positives in your circle of influence, set some goals to influence what you NEED not just what you WANT and remember enthusiasm attracts, enthusiasm back to you.
Let stop the moaning and be happy today, lets start a happy virus one that is a total pain in the tummy, where we can’t stop laughing. There nothing more infectious than the sound of laughter. Make others smile today!

Overcoming Loneliness.

Overcoming Loneliness.

by | Nov 19, 2022 | Mind, Soul

Overcoming Loneliness.

 

Being alone doesn’t need to be a negative, you! yes you! can turn it into a positive!

Yes we all at times like to have that space and be alone, but when its forced on us we often fear it, we have gotten used to being with a certain person or family members, but life can change that, very quickly, kids grow up, people leave us unexpectedly, we loose that job and so on.
don’t panic you can deal with being alone and you can change the situation to being positive, it can take time its up to you!

Lets look at the different types of being alone,

Being alone is not the same as being lonely. There is nothing wrong with being on your own if you are comfortable with it.

People usually describe feeling lonely for one of two reasons, they simply don’t see or talk to anyone very often, even though they are surrounded by people, they don’t feel understood or cared for.

Deciding which is the case for you may help you to find a way of feeling better.

I always turn being lonely into a positive and use that time to plan and also process what has happen to make me feel lonely, we can all get depressed and down when alone and it can sometimes turn into a metal health issue, so stop and think about what you can do now to feel better.
If your in a relationship or job where you feel alone then take action!
Join a trade union, speak to personnel, marriage guidance, go online look for groups to join,
Communicate how you feel, be assertive, very often we don’t like saying no.
I say if I don’t want to do something because I feel that I need a bit of space is just say “sorry that doesn’t work for me today”
There are many situations where we can struggle with being alone and feel afraid, very often we find that we aren’t alone in being alone.
Let’s face it life can give us some really difficult challenges often when we don’t expect it, we can feel alone, sad and frustrated. Then all of a sudden we get that energy inside to get us though that difficult time, but that energy inside us, is always there and is abundant, it’s called love and light. Connect to yours today, feel that love and let it drive you through the challenges of life. Just say “I am made from love and light, I do have enough energy to overcome my challenges”

Using Open questions helps you connect to others.

When we take that step and join a club or go somewhere to meet new people we have to learn to communicate, engage in open communication by asking open questions. try and avoid using closed questions as this stops the flow and we may loose interest and go back to our quiet selves and hide. We then go back to feeling lonely and we don’t move forward.
 

Closed questions

Definition

There are two definitions that are used to describe closed questions. A common definition is:

A closed question can be answered with either a single word or a short phrase.

Thus ‘How old are you?’ and ‘Where do you live?’ are closed questions. A more limiting definition that is sometimes used is:

A closed question can be answered with either ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

By this definition ‘Are you happy?’ and ‘Is that a knife I see before me?’ are closed questions, whilst ‘What time is it?’ and ‘How old are you?’ are not. This causes a problem of how to classify the short-answer non-yes-or-no questions, which do not fit well with the definition for open questions. A way of handling this is to define ‘yes-no’ as a sub-class of the short-answer closed question.
Using closed questions

Closed questions have the following characteristics:
They give you facts.
They are easy to answer.
They are quick to answer.
They keep control of the conversation with the questioner.

This makes closed questions useful in the following situations:

Usage Example
As opening questions in a conversation, as it makes it easy for the other person to answer, and doesn’t force them to reveal too much about themselves.
 It’s great weather, isn’t it?

Where do you live?
What time is it?
For testing their understanding (asking yes/no questions). This is also a great way to break into a long ramble.
 So, you want to move into our apartment, with your own bedroom and bathroom — true?  
For setting up a desired positive or negative frame of mind in them (asking successive questions with obvious answers either yes or no ).
 Are you happy with your current supplier?

Do they give you all that you need?
Would you like to find a better supplier?
For achieving closure of a persuasion (seeking yes to the big question). If I can deliver this tomorrow, will you sign for it now?

Note how you can turn any opinion into a closed question that forces a yes or no by adding tag questions, such as “isn’t it?”, “don’t you?” or “can’t they?”, to any statement.

The first word of a question sets up the dynamic of the closed question and signals the easy answer ahead. Note how these are words like: do, would, are, will, if.

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

Open questions

Definition

An open question can be defined thus:

An open question is likely to receive a long answer.

Although any question can receive a long answer, open questions deliberately seek longer answers, and are the opposite of closed questions.
Using open questions

Open questions have the following characteristics:
They ask the respondent to think and reflect.
They will give you opinions and feelings.
They hand control of the conversation to the respondent.

This makes open questions useful in the following situations:

Usage Example
As a follow-on from closed questions, to develop a conversation and open up someone who is rather quiet.
 What did you do on you holidays? 

How do you keep focused on your work?
To find out more about a person, their wants, needs, problems, and so on. What’s keeping you awake these days?

Why is that so important to you?
To get people to realise the extend of their problems (to which, of course, you have the solution). I wonder what would happen if your customers complained even more?

Rob Jones used to go out late. What happened to him? 
To get them to feel good about you by asking after their health or otherwise demonstrating human concern about them. How have you been after your operation?

You’re looking down. What’s up?

 

Open questions begin with such as: what, why, how, describe.
Using open questions can be scary, as they seem to hand the baton of control over to the other person. However, well-placed questions do leave you in control as you steer their interest and engage them where you want them.
When opening conversations, a good balance is around three closed questions to one open question. The closed questions start the conversation and summarise progress, whilst the open question gets the other person thinking and continuing to give you useful information about them.
A neat trick is to get them to ask you open questions. This then gives you the floor to talk about what you want. The way to achieve this is to intrigue them with an incomplete story or benefit.

Being lonely at night time.

A lot of my clients have problems at night time and find it hard to sleep as they worry about being alone, especially after the loss of a loved one, or the break up of a relationship. It takes time to adjust and often counselling can help, being more relaxed, Reading positive books, watching funny programs, write down ideas, I used to go for a drive and get out of the house, avoid caffeine etc. get advice on that, see your doctor, nurse etc
Its trial and error what works for others may not work for you.
All you folk who have a troubled mind tonight just relax and let the Angels take over for a while. just feel yourself happy or what it’s like to be happy remember a time you felt happy, and feel it now and how good it is to be happy, this Happy medium is now happy your happy, and if your not happy reading my happy post by now, then you will be happy as all this is trying to do is let you feel how happy I am you have read my happy post. If you can’t get happy then just say sod this unhappy feeling I have and by now the universe is working on making you happy lol
 Night all for Christ sake be happy !!!!
 Happy dreams!

How mediation can help you over come loneliness.

Meditation, means being ‘pleasantly anchored in the present moment’. With the hectic lifestyle people live in today, stress is a strong contributor to heart disease and high blood pressure. This is why it is important to learn to relax and relax our body. And this can be achieved through meditation. Meditation is easy for us to incorporate into our lives.

Meditation is becoming more and more popular every day and there is a reason behind this. Scientists study it; doctors recommend it and millions of people all over the world practice it every day. Why? Because meditation works. Meditation is not just a matter of belief or disbelief. Meditation can improve our achievements and it can help us,we can develop hidden talents and capabilities that we had forgotten we possess. Achieve more with less effort – that is the essence of Meditation.

Meditations can completely relax our body and mind and it can also make our brain more alert and make our heart relax. It refreshes us completely and gets us ready for another batch of work. It also helps us block out any distractions that may come across our way.

You don’t have to sit with knees crossed or anything funny, we all meditate at certain times of the day, like when were doing the Ironing, cooking, reading etc

So use that time when you feel lonely to meditate or try mindfulness, often this gives as an incite to ourselves and you may even enjoy it, this doesn’t have to be done alone, there are groups and very often classes where you can be given guided meditations to start with.

There are lots of books on it and lots of CDs best to find you own way to meditate and just relax.

If you have
a dream
Don’t wait
for some distant day to come,
it may be too
late before you’ve even begun.
Not everyone
will agree with all you decide.
Be true to
yourself first and foremost.
The only
important thing in life is what you do
with the time
you spend here on Earth.
Don’t be
afraid to follow your desires,
they are not
silly nor selfish.
Take the time
and do what makes you feel alive.
Leave your
fears and regrets in the past,
for this is
where they belong.
Don’t cloud
today with things that can’t be undone.
You have no
more control over yesterday or tomorrow,
than you do
the raging of your passions.
Do not quiet
these dreams nor quench your desires.
For if you
do, your journey is ended.
You have only
today to begin anew and follow your dreams.
For in the
end all we have are our memories.
When the
twilight comes to us, let there be,
No excuses,
no explanations, no regrets!
unknown
 
 
If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!
Remember to laugh and what made you laugh, remember what worked in the past, when you were lonely before, avoid the comfort zones i.e. eating and drinking to much just to cheer yourself up, if that is what you enjoy, ask people round, go see others, join a befriend group, often helping others you can help yourself. do that course you have always wanted to do, use that lonely time in a constructive way.
I really don’t want to see you or help you get rid of an additive behaviour like Gambling and drinking as you aren’t facing up to things, when we do that, have a list of things you can do when you feel lonely, hand write it as it helps to log it in to your subconscious mind. Stay focused on your well being and never be afraid to ask for help!
OK things happen out with your control, and we say why me? You have the ability to overcome the challenges, just laugh let go of all the stress, take a deep breath and feel that laughter come back and feel that energy inside saying, sod this! Time to accept and move forward.
 

If you need help, book a life coaching session with Derek! Click here to set it up!

some useful web sites

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/#

www.wavelength.org.uk/‎

http://www.royalvoluntaryservice.org.uk/
www.webofloneliness.com

Detoxification Fads: Is There False Hope?

Detoxification Fads: Is There False Hope?

by | Jul 12, 2022 | Body, Mind, Soul

Detoxification Fads: Is There False Hope?


Detoxification Fads: Is There False Hope?

In recent decades there has been a trend in the fads of dieting, and it is no different in the world of detoxification advocates. For those who continue to push detoxification diets there are a whole range of issues that they are not thinking about. For example, before one continues or starts a detox diet then everything about that person must be taken into consideration: his or her current diet, weight, current state of health, as well as body size and age. There may be some type of benefits that certain people experience by performing a detoxification diet in their lives, but let’s look at the ways in which there is false hope with the issue of detoxification:

1: Detoxification Will Not Cure You!

There are many people who are suffering from major diseases and sickness, like certain types of cancer or other incurable diseases. However, the detoxification world makes everything out to be so simple that they put too much weight on some of the benefits of detox diets. If a person has been suffering from lung cancer for quite some time and sees advertisements for a total body detoxification and restoration product, then he or she may easily buy into the false hope that is being presented.

Even though there are many benefits that a detox plan can help with, individuals must realize that detoxifying your body will not help with any incurable diseases, types of cancers, and other ailments. Even though detoxification advertisements may make the issue out to be that detox drugs and therapies are the wonder drug of the century, this idea is certainly not true!

2: Detoxification Will Not Lose Weight for You!

Another issue that many people need to take a step back and realize is that detoxification diets will not help you lose weight unless you change your lifestyle. Even though there are some advocates of detoxification systems that pretty much say everything to the contrary, weight loss will only take place if you give yourself a healthy change and lifestyle for the better.

An example of this would be someone who is overweight but continues to eat at the fast-food restaurant that is all over the city. For him or her a detoxification system may be needed, however, it won’t automatically help him or her to lose weight overnight! On the contrary, fast food needs to be eliminated in that diet, and only then will be experience true weight loss.

All in all, it seems as though the detoxification diets are truly a fad that needs to go away. Even though they are a good system for those who already have a healthy lifestyle and are not sick, it is so easy to understand how advertisements of different detoxification systems can emit false hope in the dark of the night. If you truly want a healthy body then you must strive for it because there is certainly no miracle trick, like the detox fads, that will accomplish that for you!

Being diabetic I have tried many diets and fads, but it not all about the body you need to look at your mind, and your mental wellbeing. To many of us get hooked in to buy that new supplement, diet, book and so on and often spend £100s on stuff you never read as you don’t event try to change your lifestyle that creates the problem in the first place.

I remember going to a weight watchers meeting years ago and the teacher had a pack of weight watchers’ biscuits, 24 points she said, I put my hand up its only 2points a biscuit, she looked at me with her glaring eyes and said would you only eat one or are you like me that would eat the whole packet.

I was honest and said I would also eat the whole packet. So, the point is, its learnt behaviours and creating new behaviours more positive ones and healthier ones that do work, that really make a difference.

There are of course the holistic approaches, that do work or can be used as an alternative, I have always believed, we need to work with the NHS and doctors and together we can help our clients to deal with a variety of health and wellness issues.

There are many services we offer from Reiki healing, counselling, life coaching, Access Bars, NLP, Hypnotherapy, regression, TFT and many more.

Instead of just popping a pill or new supplement, why not come for a session and see how we can help you overcome your challenges and find the root cause of your issues or the negative learnt behaviours you have created, yes you! As the only person that can help you is yourself, but we can give you the tools to succeed.

Book a session now and get back on that road to recovery!

Schedule Appointment

Derek McGillivray Enlightening others to succeed though life’s challenges.. Website https://www.ahappymedium.co.uk

Tel 07468119635 Email derek@ahappymedium.co.uk Patreon https://www.patreon.com/ahappymedium65

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Behaviours and Self Determination

Behaviours and Self Determination

by | Jul 4, 2022 | Body, Mind, Soul

Behaviours and Self Determination

 

Some people struggle with developing skills because of behaviours developed from influences over the years. When they struggle with pre-structured behaviours or genetically related behaviours it often makes it a harder struggle to build self-determination. Usually with some help, a good mentor, counsellor, etc, the person can develop skills. It may take longer, but it is worth the wait.

A person’s behaviour towards a situation could also affect the way others see them. Their attitude towards others could also affect their behaviour as well. One’s attitude needs to be adjusted for one to develop and change their self-determination. A person could be assessed in any situation to understand what they are going through for one to understand them in any way. May be a sort of group therapy may also help so as the teacher can pick up on any feelings you may have when discussing matters.

Some people may feel better if they converse about things first to others and listen to others and their issues or problems they may have or problems they seem to face in everyday life. In a child it could be something that has happened to them emotionally or mentally. No one knows unless these issues are raised. If a child has a problem at home maybe the child feels better telling a complete stranger i.e., Counsellor so as they can understand from the way they may see things rather than talk to a relative. There may be a lot the person may want to say and may be a bit overwhelmed when talking to someone they know. They may have a lot to say and feel nervous in front of someone. For example, you may want to feel less anxious or tired and therefore a session in counselling may be of help to you in some way or another. Counselling may also help in other ways if need be.

Considering the cognitive approach, motivation sometimes crosses over the lines of theory. For instance, implicit motives can set in motion or cause someone unknowingly to react to something when the person is unaware of his or her intentions. By training the mind to learn while focusing on the objective, you can help one to reform unconstructive behaviours. Sometimes counsellors will use priming methods to measure the patient’s contained memory. The process involves scrambling letters. Once the letters are jumbled the entity is asked to choose some words from the letters. The letters in the first instance should relate to success while in the second instance it should relate to relationship.

During these tests patients that chose the success often showed higher degrees of motivation than those that were confined to relationships. Each party during these tests is often prepared with success-related terms or words. You might try the priming methods at home to see if your child can progress and build his or her motivation.

Aside from the priming method, you have other methods to consider helping your child develop motivation and self-determination. It is a proven fact that we often develop behaviours whether consciously or not, and in time unconscious influences that enforced the behaviours upon us will display themselves in our behaviour. We must constantly stay on guard to defend our human rights and to make sure that others are not influencing our behaviours.

Another good strategy that you can use is the pro and con measurement test. This test will help your child see the benefits of balance, good skills, motivation, etc, and see the consequences of the cons. It is an effective therapeutic strategy that works.

If you need help to change or delete bad learnt behaviours or want to learn and move forward.

Book a Life coaching session today.

Schedule Appointment

I Hold Diplomas in Life Coaching, Mindfulness based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) advanced, Past life & this life regression, Hypnotherapy, also hold certificates in Reiki spiritual healing, Advanced counselling. I am  fully insured and follow national operational and ethical guidelines with in the laws of the UK.

My motto is ” Enlightening others to succeed through life’s challenges “

Alcohol and Drug Abuse in Mental Health

Alcohol and Drug Abuse in Mental Health

by | Jan 26, 2022 | Mind, Soul

Derek Talking about Alcohol and Drug Abuse in Mental health

Alcohol abuse is overrated, while drug abuse is underrated. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, (DSM manual) suggests that substance abuse there are differences in the definition of drug and alcohol use.

To confuse matters worse the law has its own version of who is an alcoholic or drug addict. Some of the symptoms that help professionals determine if alcohol and drugs are a problem include, excessive drinking/drugging, problems with the law, withdrawal symptoms, shaking of the hands, and so forth.

If a person drinks everyday of the week and relies on alcohol, then you are probably dealing with an alcoholic. There are philosophers who claim if a person needs a drink at breakfast, that he or she is an alcohol.

Some philosophers claim that if you drink more than six-pack in a week, then you are an alcoholic. The fact is, most of the people nagging or evaluating alcohol and drugs have a problem themselves’ s or has gotten help off someone in their lifetime to treat their own problems.

Therefore, as you can see addictions, dependant alcoholics, and other types of alcoholics and drug addicts may alter. First all, any chemical that causes harm is a potential danger to your being.

In other words, if you start out drinking when you are fourteen and continue through your lifetime without alcohol causing you trouble, or else landing you a spot in jail, then you are probably not an alcoholic according to few.

The fact is the ones that are drinking and driving and getting caught are alcoholics according to the system although the level of alcohol in the blood plays a role in the determination. The truth is the law sometimes over dramatizes and the system is out to make all the money they can, so we all might be alcoholics by the time they are done with us.

Alcoholism and drug addictions are complex, in the sense there are too many misconstrued inputs and often the label is placed on individuals according to culture and history. If your parents drank alcohol, then the system sometimes will claim you as an alcoholic. The fact is, Jesus’ drink wine in moderation, so drinking in moderation is not a bad thing. The problem becomes a problem when the person has difficulty putting down the bottle and/or increases their intake as well as combining drugs with the alcohol to get an affect they were had.

If someone will steal or lie to get alcohol or drugs, then you know they have a real problem. However, most alcoholics and drug addicts have bigger problems than addictions and this is often ignored.

For example, people with mental illnesses often resort to alcohol and/or drugs to find relief of their symptoms. Now if a professional is treating this person for his or her diagnose and progress is moving along the person often feels healthy and the alcohol and drugs are out the door.

In my studies and opinions, I disagree with alcoholism and drug addictions if the person can stop once the mental illness is treated. This means that the person was suffering, and the substances was a mechanism to help them cope.

On the other hand, if the person is treated for mental illnesses and his or her drug and alcohol habits continue, then I think you had better get out the chair and start talking ‘one day at a time.’ Alcohol was once known as the “Devils Drink.” The White men are the originator of the source, and since its beginning it has caused serious complications, including death, abuse, and other related crimes.

Drugs are optional since the system often makes them available by teaching individuals what the drugs contain. The root of all-evil is money, and if a person sees that he or she can gain, they may take advantage, but fall into a snare in between. The system is overwrought since they put alcoholics and drugs addicts in jail and not seeking help for them.

The solution to humankind’s problem is helping and not hurting or promoting. If we can’t get along now, what makes you think you are going to heaven?

What do you think?

If you are struggling with addictions or additive behaviours, please get help.

I can help you or sign post you.

Derek Holds Diplomas in Life Coaching, Mindfulness based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) advanced, Past life & this life regression, Hypnotherapy, also hold certificates in Reiki spiritual healing, Advanced counselling. Is fully insured and follows national operational and ethical guidelines with in the laws of the UK.

Derek is often asked to do Motivational & Spiritual Workshops, Psychic shows and events with music from the past present & future.

His motto is ” Enlightening others to succeed through life’s challenges “

Angel – A