When Christmas feels heavy, you’re not alone.
It Gets Everywhere… And So Does the Pressure
It’s everywhere.
On television and radio.
In shops, newspapers, magazines, online… and even hanging from lamp posts and windows. We can’t escape it. The festive season is coming. And for many people, instead of joy and excitement, it brings a quiet, painful thought:
“Everyone else seems to be having a wonderful family time… except me.”
This is something I hear again and again from clients at this time of year. But let’s pause and gently ask ourselves:
Is that a fact — or an opinion shaped by comparison, expectation, and pressure?
The Truth Behind the Festive Image
A small number of people are lucky enough to experience a calm, joyful, supportive festive period. For most, the reality is very different. It’s a mix of moments of warmth and connection alongside stress, tiredness, emotional triggers, and financial pressure. Family dynamics can feel magnified when everyone is expected to come together, stay cheerful, and “make the most of it” — regardless of unresolved issues or past hurts. And for others, the festive season can feel deeply lonely. It can highlight distance from family, strained relationships, bereavement, or simply being on your own. Friends may be busy with their own families. Routines change. Many of the places where we normally feel connected are closed.
What’s meant to feel joyful can instead feel isolating.
If This Is You — You’re Not Broken
Feeling lonely at this time of year doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It means you’re human.
Loneliness often isn’t about being physically alone — it’s about feeling unseen, disconnected, or not where you think you should be. And that “should” can be one of the heaviest burdens of all.
Cards used in this video:
Your clan does Love Ye & Yer a Smart Bastard — Scottish affirmation cards offering warmth, encouragement, and a bit of much-needed humour when life feels heavy.
About Derek McGillivray Derek McGillivray, known as A Happy Medium, is an intuitive life coach, psychic medium, counsellor, and speaker based in Scotland. Derek supports people through emotional overwhelm, change, and life transitions with grounded guidance and spiritual insight.
So What Can We Do?
We may not be able to change everything around us — but we can change how we meet this season. When we change the way we think, and gently adjust what we do, we begin to change how we feel. If we keep thinking and acting the same way year after year, we often relive the same emotional experience. But even small shifts can soften things.
The Alternative Cycle
Here’s a simple way to approach this time differently:
How can I think differently about this season?
What can I do differently — even in small, manageable ways?
How might I feel if I allow myself to respond differently?
Support matters. Speak to someone you trust. Write things down. Make lists of options rather than focusing on what’s missing. Some people also find meaning in volunteering or helping others — not to ignore their own feelings, but to reconnect with purpose and humanity.
You may also find this free resource helpful:
https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/Holidays.pdf
The 12/12 Portal – A Time to Choose Differently
Today also carries special energetic significance. 12/12 is known as a powerful portal of reflection, release, and conscious choice.
The number 12 represents completion, wisdom, and integration — the closing of old cycles and the opportunity to step into something new. This isn’t about forcing happiness or pretending everything is fine. It’s about choice.
The 12/12 portal gently invites us to ask:
What emotional weight am I carrying into this season that I don’t need to keep carrying?
What expectations, comparisons, or old family stories am I ready to release?
What one small shift would help me feel safer, calmer, or more supported?
Energetically, this portal supports letting go of emotional baggage, reframing old family patterns, choosing self-compassion, and setting intentions that are realistic, not overwhelming. You don’t need rituals or tools unless you want them. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply decide to be kinder to yourself.
A Simple 12/12 Reflection
Try this today, or anytime during the festive period.
Pause and take a slow breath in… and out.
Ask yourself:
“What do I need most right now?”
Write down one thing you’re ready to release.
Write down one feeling you’d like to invite in — peace, steadiness, connection, or clarity.
That’s enough.
Energy follows intention.
Bringing It Back to Loneliness
Loneliness often tells us we’re on our own — but that voice isn’t always telling the truth. The 12/12 portal reminds us that we are allowed to choose a different experience, even if nothing around us changes immediately.
You can feel lonely and still reach out.
You can feel low and still take gentle care of yourself.
You can feel disconnected and still begin again.
The Power of Positive Self-Talk
I often encourage clients to use positive coping statements — not to dismiss difficult feelings, but to support themselves through them.
Think of these as being your own calm, steady coach when emotions rise.
Stop and breathe.
I can do this.
This will pass.
I can feel sad or anxious and still cope.
I’ve survived difficult times before.
These are feelings, not facts.
I don’t need to rush.
Right now, I am safe.
My mind isn’t always my friend — and that’s okay.
This is uncomfortable, but it’s temporary.
Sometimes getting through the day gently is enough.
A Gentle Reminder
The festive season doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s version to be meaningful. If this time of year feels heavy, you don’t have to carry it alone. With awareness, support, and conscious choice, it can become a time of reset rather than pressure. If you’d like support with loneliness, emotional overwhelm, or simply making this season feel more manageable, you’re welcome to get in touch or book a session.
Warm wishes,
Derek McGillivray
A Happy Medium
Ready to Go Deeper?
If anger, stress, or past hurts are holding you back, I can help. Through coaching, healing, and intuitive guidance, I work with clients to release what no longer serves them and step into a lighter, freer life.
Book a private session with me today:
Subscribe to my YouTube channel for more insights, meditations, and spiritual guidance: @ahappymediumderek
